3yo and hurting others - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 10-14-2013, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
GraceLove's Avatar
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My DD (3yo) is usually a very sweet kid. We've been having MAJOR sleep issues and I know that those issues are contributing, but we're working on it.


One of the problems I face with her regularly is that she will lash out and hit, kick, etc. I have been firm with that is not okay, we do not do that, it hurts other people, etc. If she is repeatedly doing it or attempting to do it even though I'm sitting/standing/etc with her and other child (I do in home child care) I put her in time out (by time out, I mean, "Z, please sit down here for a couple minutes until you're calm"). 


That's not working. Her response to the use of time out was,


Z: Can I do *something she's not allowed*?

Me: No, you're not allowed to do that because..... *whatever reason*

Z: Oh. Well, how about I do it anyway, then go to time out, and then it's okay?


So she's not really getting the picture (or is understanding it better than I am!!). I want her to be internally motivated not to hit, kick, bite, etc. At the same time, I can NOT devote ten minutes to talking her through something with another child hurt and needing me. 


Any advice?

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#2 of 2 Old 10-15-2013, 03:09 PM
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My middlest daughter (we have three children) would similarly sometimes feel that certain behaviours were worth doing regardless of consequences. We all do that sometimes, huh? For us what worked was my gently saying "you're strong enough to cause hurt, are you strong enough to be kind when you don't want to?" Then I'd hand her a paper gem and say "treasure doing good?" She loved those gems and would sometimes sift through them and tell her sister stories about "choosing the treasure." Not that she always did, but it really did help. Blessings on you and your daughter!
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