I read the Dr Sears books-- they were recommended to me.
THe biggest thing to understand is that children take 25 yars to grow up. ANd thru that time the brain is developing and the body is developing, and they don't always have full control of body, mind words. I learned not to expect a mini adult.
Learn what is developmentally appropriate for every age. THen I adjust my expectations to their abilities not to my adult expectations.
Head off a situation like spilled milk byusing a sippycup until thier co-ordinations is very good. I remember a grand mother going off on her grandson, and thought how in appropriate to give him a full glass when clumsy hands can easily knock it over.
THink that which encourages children to try and try again. ANd set up your home for sucess. I got rid of a nice coffee table because of the glass top and corners. I gave a beautiful lamp that had been my grandfathers to my brother to prevent it from being broken. I put up baby gates to keep kids off the stairs TOP and BOTTOM.
Lots of prevention goes into disipline in my book. GLad that you are thinking ahead. YOu are already teaching your 9 month old child about your take on discipline. IT is in the subtle ways that handle the children and babies . . .
I'm not surprised at your answer. Kinda fits in the whole senerio.
Perhaps you can impose some of your house rules on your guests. It is your home afterall. I realize I am likely to be much older than you and I have seen a lot of life and as such have become a little more outpoken with my friends. IT does come with a price of course, butI am happier for it.
Perhaps come up with "house rules" and make a nice gift of it for Christmas to your friend. OFten people dont realize the impact of their words and actions-- so sad, these children are being destroyed by the parents. I wish there was a way to help this family.
Looks like lots of small steps. YOu can also talk to the kids about what the rules are in YOUR house. With smiles and positive talk. THe kids will get it even if you have to remind them every time they walk thru your door.
Thanks, I do know that her kids gravitate towards me because I'm gentle with them so it's gratifying to see that (well, the oldest boy has moved on from me now that he's almost a teen and hangs with the "men" but DH is very easy going with them as well). I currently limit interactions between DD and them because she's at an age where I see her being bothered by their behaviors but she just doesn't grasp my explanation so for now it's literally once a month tops, but often less. Their mom is also super anti-breastfeeding (odd because she was a L&D nurse....) and one told her eldest daughter how disgusting it was. Well she was about 8 or 9 when DD was born and I made no effort to hide the fact that I was nursing her other than to cover up any exposed boob - and she would always come and sit with me while nursing because she was curious, and I'm happy that at least someone in her life can normalize these things for her (her aunt also refers to it as disgusting, probably because of how the sister in law is...) and I'm always open to discussion with them. I do step in when they get rough with each other at our home to avoid the inevitable bashing on the little brother and crying that will follow and not surprising at all - they listen better to me about stopping behaviors than they do their parents. I don't get the sass or the "but he/she did this first" and I just ask nicely. Oh I've definitely gotten glares from their mom when I don't run over and spank DD for doing something I've asked her not to do...I simply distract her or remove her or ask again. But the thing is, she's part of the package - our hubbys were friends before either of us came into the picture, they work together, and I've never been close to her. Losing her as a friend wouldn't impact my life in the slightest and I guarantee she talks shit behind my back because that's how she is with everyone. So I make no efforts to conform to her ideals that's for sure!
Perhaps in the future if any of those kids have a real issue, they will come to you for help. Sounds like the respect you and many will trust you if some thing dire happens and they can't go to their own parents. Great idea to limit your childs exposure since that is what works. I let a friendship go when I realized my son was scared of that woman, and she promoted spanking-- I was highly influenced by her so I let that relationship go. Breastfeding is very important to the short term and long term health of our children. I hated every moment of it but mustered thru as many months as I could handle. NO ear aches in either child.
Glad you stick to your way of doing things despite her glares.