Daughter and testicles - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 05-13-2014, 08:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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 I put my daughter ( she's 16 years old) in a self defense course , sometimes she was very angry like any child,but she was never beat anyone early. Recently she told me that colleagues largue that she was annoying her at school, and she did not know how to handle the situation and I said playing with her :  

"Just because they are older then you, they don´t can bullyng you."

 "but the two are much bigger than me."

 "- More I bet with his balls aren´t"

 *both laughed

 

 A few days after the school called telling me that my daughter had gotten into a fight with two boys , from what I understand one of the boys was saying something to her and she kicked the genitals of the boy who fell and the second boy came to separate the two and held her giving a hug from behind and pulling her, that scared , grabbed his testicles and squeezed hard, causing problems for the boy .

 I was lost , I know I have to punish her, however was not totally her blame, I lived joking about hit in the balls,so do not know how to teach her when it is wrong or not.

 

I am not fluent in English so excuse the mistakes

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#2 of 10 Old 05-13-2014, 09:16 AM
 
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It's a little unclear from your post - what exactly were the boys doing that prompted her to feel like she needed to hurt them? Was she being threatened? What started the fight? I would say that it really depends on what exactly happened to prompt her response that should determine how you handle it with her - not the fact that she injured a boy's testicles on its own, if that makes sense. If he was sexually harassing her or threatening her, for example, IMHO, she wasn't out of line defending herself in whatever way she needed to. Have you gone into the school and sat down with the administrators and your daughter to investigate further so that you all know how to proceed?

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#3 of 10 Old 05-13-2014, 10:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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They made ​​verbal bullying only, nothing sexual. 
 In the day that she hurt the boys, she said for they that she was going to beat Them, and one of the boys started teasing her. 

 She injured two boys in the testicles,she had other ways to defend herself but she targeted in testicles purposely, and I think that as a parent, I have to teach that this is wrong, although i have not formulated for how to transmit  this idea for my daughter

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#4 of 10 Old 05-13-2014, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by rednightingale View Post
 

It's a little unclear from your post - what exactly were the boys doing that prompted her to feel like she needed to hurt them? Was she being threatened? What started the fight? I would say that it really depends on what exactly happened to prompt her response that should determine how you handle it with her - not the fact that she injured a boy's testicles on its own, if that makes sense. If he was sexually harassing her or threatening her, for example, IMHO, she wasn't out of line defending herself in whatever way she needed to. Have you gone into the school and sat down with the administrators and your daughter to investigate further so that you all know how to proceed?

 

 I was thinking better, and maybe you're right, 

But I keep thinking that maybe the fault of these kids are injured have been my

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#5 of 10 Old 05-13-2014, 12:06 PM
 
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I think you should find out exactly what they are teaching in her self-defense course. Did she respond to the teasing with a technique she learned in her class?

If she's sixteen I think you just have to sit her down and explain that you cannot respond to verbal teasing with physical violence. Make it clear that the self-defense moves she's been taught are for use when there is a threat of violence only.

I think, if I understand your post correctly, that you made a little joke to her about kicking boys in the balls. Do I have that right? If you did, just explain to her that what you said was a joke. I think I can safely say that many women have probably wanted to kick some man in the nuts at some point in their life, but you do need to explain to her that it's really not okay to do so unless you are being physically threatened. Even then, you have to carefully ascess the situation and be sure that defending yourself might not lead to more injury. You also have to make her understand that If you kick someone who has not hurt you, it's not unreasonable, or unexpected, for his friend to hold your arms down to restrain you.

I love the idea of self-defense classes, and being empowered. Unfortunately I think some classes teach technique but may not teach the girls how to determine if a physical response is appropriate — or how to ascess the threat. They also may not teach them the valuable skill of how to prevent a situation from escalating without using physical violence. It's all very nice to kick a punching bag and feel powerful, but when you kick a flesh-and-blood opponent, ouside of the self-defense classroom, chances are he's going to retaliate. 

If she started this fight by saying she was going to beat them, then your first step is to find out why she said this. 

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#6 of 10 Old 05-13-2014, 08:39 PM
 
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It sounds like she was cornered by two boys and got away effectively. I would want to know what the school is doing about the boys who are putting girls in unsafe situations.
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#7 of 10 Old 05-14-2014, 05:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by rednightingale View Post
 

It's a little unclear from your post - what exactly were the boys doing that prompted her to feel like she needed to hurt them? Was she being threatened? What started the fight? I would say that it really depends on what exactly happened to prompt her response that should determine how you handle it with her - not the fact that she injured a boy's testicles on its own, if that makes sense. If he was sexually harassing her or threatening her, for example, IMHO, she wasn't out of line defending herself in whatever way she needed to. Have you gone into the school and sat down with the administrators and your daughter to investigate further so that you all know how to proceed?

 But what do you suggest I do to discipline her? 

 The 2nd boy was with quite swollen testicles and the doctor said he got several bruises in testicles too and the right is inflamed,by the severity of injuries, I should warn her, no?

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#8 of 10 Old 05-14-2014, 06:00 AM
 
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The discipline will depend on WHY she kicked the boys.

Rednightingale asks if the boys were threatening her or if she felt in danger when she kicked the boys. I agree. You have to start by talking with her and finding out why she kicked them.

May I ask what your first language is?

 

What choices do YOU see about discliplining her? How would you normally punish her for doing something wrong?

What action has the school taken?

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#9 of 10 Old 05-14-2014, 12:07 PM
 
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She needs to know that she can severely hurt a male by squeezing his testicles and she should not do that unless she is in danger herself.

 

You need to know whether she was actually in danger and fighting to save herself, or whether she was mad and wanted to hurt the boy, or whether she didn't realize how much she could hurt him. 

 

Does the school consider this self-defense or is she considered the aggressor in this situation?


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#10 of 10 Old 08-19-2014, 05:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, finally able to resolve the problem, still do not know how to punish my daughter, but I got a deal with the parents of the boys.
  The school considered self-defense, BUT judged that there was excess. fortunately the school thought that my daughter would be nervous and acted instinctively to defend themselves.

  (I'm from thaylandia, I speak English properly, but at the time of writing, I have just made ​​several mistakes)

Last edited by Wannda; 08-19-2014 at 06:48 AM.
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