Ugh, this is a rough situation, but I think you're getting some good advice.
for example lately he is taking his clothes off and then running and hiding from me like its a game ("heheheheh") so:
- I tell him "You need to wear clothes. Do you want to get dressed yourself or want me to help you?" ussually he does not answer just runs away more....i carry him to his room and put clothes for him (he is capable of dressing himself) and tell him he can come out when he gets dressed, he keeps trying to come out of the room, sometimes physically struggling against me and trying to push past to run out the door....what am i supposed to do???
What happens if you offer to dress him, or if you stay with him talking to him while he gets dressed?
One of my most vivid memories of early childhood is that after my brother was born when I was 2 1/2, my mother insisted that I dress myself, alone. Usually I was able to do it, but I remember feeling sad and resentful about it. I would call to her asking for help, and she would say no, and I felt that I was disappointing her by wanting to be cared for and that the stupid baby had taken my mama away when I still needed her. One time I got my head stuck in my turtleneck and couldn't find my way out; I yelled for help but only got a distant call of "You can do it!"; I felt stupid and wrong and frightened and abandoned; finally I blundered into the door frame and got a bloody nose. It sounds like no big deal, but I still think of it often when I want to ask someone to help or nurture me but the task is one that I could do for myself: I am still hurting from the idea that I don't deserve help and I am on my own.
I know you don't want your son to regress to being dressed by you every day, when you have a baby who really does need to be dressed by you. But I think he may be expressing a need for nurturing. You are saying, "Do you want to get dressed yourself or want me to help you?" but what do you mean by helping? It sounds like it means forcing him into his room and getting out the clothes for him. He's trying to get out of the room rather than put on the clothes. What else can you do to HELP rather than continue the power struggle? It might help to put his clothes on him yourself, or it might help to talk about his feelings: Just say, "You don't want to get dressed," in an understanding voice and see what happens. Another approach that might work is laying out his clothes and baby's clothes and saying, "You put on your clothes while I put on her clothes," and narrating, "First the shirt goes over your head...then one arm in one sleeve..." Look for ways to keep the interaction positive. As it is, you're putting time and attention into keeping him in his room, so put that energy toward achieving your goal (clothes on kid) but try other approaches for getting it done.