hitting and general agression - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 12-11-2014, 08:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hitting and general agression

hi!
I am hoping to find some advice here.
we have 3 kids. ds1 5y.o., ds2 2and a half and dd 7 weeks.
ds2 stated agressive behaviour at 2. in the beginning of my pregnancy. it has been 9 months, and it is not getting better.
he likes hitting, pinching, throwing toys on people or on the wall, pulling hear.the only thing he doesnt do is biting.

it is his way of being 2.o. he doesn,t do tantrums, ever screams, he is just agressive. it happens daily, worst when he is tiered, hungry, overstimulsted, or feels negative emotions.
we never spank at home, we don,t punish, no time outs, no bribe, no rewards.
we usually try modelling, prevention, and try to stay connected to the child.

we are not overly concerned by his behavior, but sometimes i wonder if I am missing something.
we know it will pass, we know it is his way of dealing with the arrival of baby sister, having less attention.
he stll nurses, cosleeps with dh.

we tried the following
-telling him , getting at his level that hitting is not acceptable. we did this 12000 times, it is useless
-ignoring him and only giving attention to the person that is hurt.
-if he hits me, i say that i am leaving because he hit me, then leave.
-giving him a hug, nursing him, playing with him....it works until I start doing something else. then he starts throwing stuff again or destroying the house (slamming doors etc)
-ignoring his behaviour.
-acknowledging and validate his feelings, putting words on them , explaining that he is hitting because he is angry, sad or what else.
- telling him to use words instead of force.
-reminding him that I dont hit, DH doesnt hit, DS1 doesnt hit, grandma doesnt hit, etc.....so he shouldnt hit.


I get it that he needs 100 attention, 100% of the time, then he is a cute boy who is always happy....but it is not possible. I or DH can't give him 100% exclusive attention. we have another 5y.o boy, a newborn, an income to earn, food to cook, and just have time to ourselves to just exist.
he can play with his brother 20 minutes max, then he starts hitting him. our 5y.o. likes to do some provocation too. but almost never hits himself.

so, what are we missing here?
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#2 of 26 Old 12-12-2014, 06:40 AM
 
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we never spank at home, we don,t punish, no time outs, no bribe, no rewards.
So, you think you give no rewards?

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-telling him , getting at his level that hitting is not acceptable. we did this 12000 times, it is useless
In reality, you gave 12000 rewards to the very behavior you want to get rid of. Parental attention is a powerful reward. It's not useless - reacting to a behavior with attention is the most useful method for getting more of that behavior.

All that telling, saying, acknowledging, validating, putting words on it, explaining, reminding, playing, hugging, nursing is a reward when it is done in reaction to his behavior.

In reaction to his good or acceptable behavior get down to his level and start yakking about how this good behavior is good, why it's good, how you are grateful, why you appreciate it. Try to work up to a point where you are giving attention to good or merely acceptable behavior ten times more often than you are giving attention to bad behavior.

This will make ignoring work better.

"-if he hits me, i say that i am leaving because he hit me, then leave."

It's better to not say anything and just leave.
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#3 of 26 Old 12-12-2014, 09:51 AM
 
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In reaction to his good or acceptable behavior get down to his level and start yakking about how this good behavior is good, why it's good, how you are grateful, why you appreciate it.
...show an interest in it, describe it (say what you saw), ask questions about it. Compose little essays about your kid's good behavior so you will have even more to say about it that sincerely expresses your feelings about it.
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#4 of 26 Old 12-12-2014, 01:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you muddie.

I am not bothered buy the behaviour (well yes, but it is minor ''discomfort'' for us). I am bothered buy what is causing the behaviour.
I would feel really bad if I ''control'' my sons behaviour and don't address what is causing it. I almost prefer him to continue his agressive behaviour if it is an outlet to what ever going on, rather then stop the behaviour and still have the original problem with no outlet and no way for us to know that he is not doing well (don,t want him to internalize or isolate)
I really think that kids (and adult) behaviour are just symptoms of something else. Just like a fever is a symptom of infection. if we treat the fever we will not treat the real problem.

with DS1, who is 5, talking is really helpful. with my 2 and a half, I think he doesn't seem to understand, I can't get through to him.

any ideas how it can be done?

thanks!
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#5 of 26 Old 12-12-2014, 01:37 PM
 
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Hi Lilitchka
Good for you on how well you have been handling your son, it sounds so empathetic and patient, and only because you asked for advice am I summoning the courage to reply.
Could it be your little guy has 'lagging skills' that are causing his aggression? And I say this because that is what was happening with my youngest. I found a book called the Explosive Child ( and I am in no way implying that your son is explosive) but it lists some common skills some kids lack, that, when asked for, cause,whatever behavior that child exhibits when overwhelmed. ie: ask a child to turn off the tv and come to dinner, regular kid will do that, other kids, may fuss or need a reminder, but will do that, child with difficulty switching from one task to another, or child who needs to finish what they are doing before stopping, child who has reached the point of hunger they can't process requests, and kaboom ( or toy throwing or whatever).
It was a life changing book for our family, I actually ended up working with Dr. Ross Greene the author for a while. It is non coercive, compassionate, empathetic, and most of all makes sense.
An example from what you gave, if I child has trouble processing language(which my guy does) talking to them when they are upset, won't ever work, and will probably make them more upset.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well but this reply is getting too long.
Good luck I hope this helps
Anna

ETA
Just read you comment and completely agree, and that is exactly the philosophy of the book also.

Anna, mom to 4 great kids, homeschooling in Toronto.

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#6 of 26 Old 12-12-2014, 04:02 PM
 
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thank you muddie.

I am not bothered buy the behaviour (well yes, but it is minor ''discomfort'' for us). I am bothered buy what is causing the behaviour.
I would feel really bad if I ''control'' my sons behaviour and don't address what is causing it. I almost prefer him to continue his agressive behaviour if it is an outlet to what ever going on, rather then stop the behaviour and still have the original problem with no outlet and no way for us to know that he is not doing well (don,t want him to internalize or isolate)
I really think that kids (and adult) behaviour are just symptoms of something else. Just like a fever is a symptom of infection. if we treat the fever we will not treat the real problem.

with DS1, who is 5, talking is really helpful. with my 2 and a half, I think he doesn't seem to understand, I can't get through to him.

any ideas how it can be done?

thanks!
Oh, getting all scientific on us are you? You want to know the cause.

You need to test the various possibilities as to the problem that is causing this behavior.

My best guess to the problem that is causing this is something called operant conditioning. My guess is that you are conditioning your child to act this way via a process called positive reinforcement.

I think it's the best bet, but it's just a possibility, a theory. You need to test the various theories.

To test it, you need to stop reinforcing this behavior for a period of a month or so (put it on extinction as they say) and start reinforcing the opposite. If my theory is correct, then you may get an short period of a few days where the behavior gets worse, followed by gradual improvement.

If my guess is correct, this experiment will reveal the cause. Since you are not bothered by the behavior itself, you can then just go back to doing what you were doing before, reinforcing his original behavior, and he will return to behaving the way he is behaving now.

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#7 of 26 Old 12-12-2014, 07:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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annaintoronto, thank you. i have heard of this book before, i will look into it. it sounds interesting!

muddie; thank you for taking the time to post. I think we have very different views of parenting and parent-child relationships.
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#8 of 26 Old 12-14-2014, 02:48 AM
 
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Hi Lilitchka
Good for you on how well you have been handling your son, it sounds so empathetic and patient, and only because you asked for advice am I summoning the courage to reply.
Could it be your little guy has 'lagging skills' that are causing his aggression? And I say this because that is what was happening with my youngest. I found a book called the Explosive Child ( and I am in no way implying that your son is explosive) but it lists some common skills some kids lack, that, when asked for, cause,whatever behavior that child exhibits when overwhelmed. ie: ask a child to turn off the tv and come to dinner, regular kid will do that, other kids, may fuss or need a reminder, but will do that, child with difficulty switching from one task to another, or child who needs to finish what they are doing before stopping, child who has reached the point of hunger they can't process requests, and kaboom ( or toy throwing or whatever).
It was a life changing book for our family, I actually ended up working with Dr. Ross Greene the author for a while. It is non coercive, compassionate, empathetic, and most of all makes sense.
An example from what you gave, if I child has trouble processing language(which my guy does) talking to them when they are upset, won't ever work, and will probably make them more upset.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well but this reply is getting too long.
Good luck I hope this helps
Anna

ETA
Just read you comment and completely agree, and that is exactly the philosophy of the book also.
I found this fine website on Ross Greene "Explosive Child" method:

http://www.livesinthebalance.org/parents-families

There are some recent studies that indicate that his method ranks up there with the most effective methods for addressing these kinds of behavior issues.
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#9 of 26 Old 12-14-2014, 05:00 AM
 
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There is an ebb and flow when it comes to discipline trends. I have noticed that the trend toward behaviorism is high right now, with a lot of parents sharing ideas related to positive reinforcement. I'm really conflicted about this advice because I do think it's good advice...if that's the problem. I instinctively back away from giving too much stimulation and value to unwanted behavior. On many occasions when my older child or DH are in the room we make eye contact when our toddler does something we don't like and are sure not to create an unintentionally positive response.

Problem is that this really isn't the core of the issue. Every child acts out in some unwanted behavior on their own the first time, even if it's true that we can sometimes reinforce that behavior. And, I think the value of GD is getting to the bottom of that rather than training our kids with some sort of response specifically calculated to influence behavior.

Some of the best advice I've gotten for relating to kids is to pick just the one behavior, the one time and try to get to the bottom of it. Don't look at it like a pattern. Give a pass for the past and address the very next issue as if it was an isolated case. It is very hard to change a pattern of behavior. It's hard to change "who we are right now".

How have you managed preparing him for his sibling's arrival? That's hard stuff. What worked well for both my kids was to give them a bunch of information at once and then back all the way off so that they could process stuff without additional stress.

Ideas that work for my 3.5 year old:

* Helping. I find that 2.5 years old is a great time for wanting to help. Try to plan for plenty of extra energy on parent's part and maybe even some supplies (kid's bucket, mop, duster, small-scale grocery bags) to really harness this. Try to cook together. Maybe start both kids on chores, giving the younger equal responsibility as the older.

*Rotating toys. I keep toys at a minimum out and rotate simple open-ended toys.

*Routine. I hate routine life-style but it was really best for both my kids.

*Pre-K. If you can afford it, I love pre-K for my kids. My younger started early, the age of your child. We have a super-duper hippy school that is just so much fun and they have a unique way of working with all sorts of behavior issues.

*If either of mine have had serious behavior issues (like hitting), I would muster up some extra adult supervision and get right in there every time. I didn't have a big pattern to break but I found that sending this message that kids who hit do not get to play alone was a pretty powerful one. I will admit that I think this may only work for kids with a mild desire for this sort of behavior.

Good luck!

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#10 of 26 Old 12-14-2014, 01:01 PM
 
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Also, I wanted to say that no matter how much "planned ignoring" or just choosing not to give attention to unwanted behavior is, that's not something for aggressive behavior, no matter how well it works. At least not IMO. I have found that immediate and strong reaction to aggression to be the most consistent "authentic" approach and also very effective. But the key for that is that strong reaction, rules, "no's", corrections, and etc. are held to a bare minimum. So that's another approach, OP. Are there some areas where you are correcting that can slide in favor of more energy and attention to the more severe unwanted behavior?

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#11 of 26 Old 12-14-2014, 01:47 PM
 
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I find Laura Markham's advice on parenting issues useful.
Also, from my own personal experience, and this may not apply to you, my ds2 becomes aggressive, difficult, oppositional, sugar addicted,difficult with transitions, when he eats gluten. You could look into gluten sensitivity as one culprit. In fact, any number of sensory issues and food sesnitivities can lead to aggressive behavior in kids. I also second "The Explosive Child'
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#12 of 26 Old 12-14-2014, 05:29 PM
 
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www.livesinthebalance.org is the website for Dr. Greene, and I can tell you his radio program saved my sanity, and probably my family. And is full of helpful information for free.
His model, is NOT behaviorism, It is all about solving the problems that cause the behavior. And that behavior is only communication.
His model is called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions, and it works, it is fair, it is not about rewarding, punishing, consequencing, or any thing like that. It is about listening to your child, and coming together to work out a solution.
I think from what I have read on the Mothering Boards that it is very in line with the AP nature of most people here.
The only negative thing about any of it is the name of the book. The Explosive Child, because it really is for everyone, but that said I don't know if I would have read it if it had a different title?!
Anna

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#13 of 26 Old 12-14-2014, 06:20 PM
 
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His model, is NOT behaviorism, It is all about solving the problems that cause the behavior. And that behavior is only communication.
Yes, I am not familiar with him but his site certainly seems to want to get to the root of problems and not behaviorist at all.

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#14 of 26 Old 12-14-2014, 06:38 PM
 
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Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) has a web site on the "Explosive Child" method Ross Greene developed:

http://thinkkids.org/help/videos/

Greene developed his method at MGH, but MGH asserted trademark ownership of the phrase "Collaborative Problem Solving" and there has been a legal battle. I don't know if Greene and MGH still collaborate. Greene switched to using the phrase "Collaborative and Proactive Solutions".
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#15 of 26 Old 12-15-2014, 10:22 AM
 
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www.livesinthebalance.org is the website for Dr. Greene, and I can tell you his radio program saved my sanity, and probably my family. And is full of helpful information for free.
His model, is NOT behaviorism, It is all about solving the problems that cause the behavior. And that behavior is only communication.
His model is called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions, and it works, it is fair, it is not about rewarding, punishing, consequencing, or any thing like that. It is about listening to your child, and coming together to work out a solution.
I think from what I have read on the Mothering Boards that it is very in line with the AP nature of most people here.
The only negative thing about any of it is the name of the book. The Explosive Child, because it really is for everyone, but that said I don't know if I would have read it if it had a different title?!
Anna
His model is not behaviorism, but I think that in practice it has some things in common with behaviorism:

1. His "Plan C" idea has the parent stop trying to solve low priority problems. This will have a effect similar to planned ignoring of harmless but annoying behaviors. Anything that gets a parent to back-off from counter-productive actions helps.

2. He advises against the parental habit of jumping into problem solving as an immediate reaction to problem behaviors in real time. This has the effect of ceasing the reinforcement those behaviors with the reward of parental attention.

As far as I can see, a parent who followed his method faithfully would quickly cease all counter-productive reactions that reinforce problem behaviors.

Also I see some parents seem to think GD requires them to jump in and immediately fulfill a need for attention as a reaction to problem behaviors. But Greene's CPS is oriented toward problem solving and skills development at other times, not in the heat of the moment. So, CPS is to some extent in conflict GD, or at least with some parent's views about what GD requires.

Anyway, I think it's great to have an effective method (effective according to scientific studies) that is not behaviorism, because many parents are not comfortable using behaviorism, and parents with difficult kids need something that is effective.

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#16 of 26 Old 12-15-2014, 07:33 PM
 
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So, CPS is to some extent in conflict GD, or at least with some parent's views about what GD requires.
To be fair, GD is a pretty broad concept. By this rationale CPS may well be in conflict with what some parents view as CPS, no?

Do you practice GD? I ask because I feel like anyone who "practices GD" may not talk about GD in terms of what "some seem to think" but, rather, what they believe/practice/feel is authentic.

IME, most parents who practice GD do not jump in to solve low-level problems. To the contrary, many of us are rather free-range for most things and carefully choose when to step in.

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I think it's great to have an effective method (effective according to scientific studies) that is not behaviorism, because many parents are not comfortable using behaviorism, and parents with difficult kids need something that is effective.
I'm curious about the way that science evaluates parenting/discipline methods. This a fairly new concept to me. IME (as a regular old parent) the meat of a "method" is in whether it's effective for an individual child. This is a relationship, not a formula, right?

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#17 of 26 Old 12-16-2014, 06:58 AM
 
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To be fair, GD is a pretty broad concept. By this rationale CPS may well be in conflict with what some parents view as CPS, no?
I suppose. In some of the online Q/A sessions with Greene it's clear that some parents are not practicing CPS as Greene intended.

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Do you practice GD? I ask because I feel like anyone who "practices GD" may not talk about GD in terms of what "some seem to think" but, rather, what they believe/practice/feel is authentic.
Well, I think I practice GD. Do you really feel that the mere act of talking about what some seem to think about GD disqualifies one as practicing GD?

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IME, most parents who practice GD do not jump in to solve low-level problems. To the contrary, many of us are rather free-range for most things and carefully choose when to step in.
Perhaps "most parents who practice GD do not" but some do. All I said is that "some do". If you are saying that you think that GD does not require that, then I agree with you. But there seem to be differing opinions on the matter.

Quote:
I'm curious about the way that science evaluates parenting/discipline methods. This a fairly new concept to me. IME (as a regular old parent) the meat of a "method" is in whether it's effective for an individual child. This is a relationship, not a formula, right?
One method is using wait-listing for the control group. You recruit parents who are interested in a parenting course. You randomize them into 2 groups. You give the course to one group and you put the other group on a wait-list for the course. After the course, you compare the groups to see if the course was effective.

For instance, here's a study (which has 3 groups) that compares CPS, PMT and wait-list:

http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/study/NCT00510120

You are right, the "meat" for a parent is whether it's effective on their kid. It's not effective for a parent to try every parenting method, there are 100's of them. To be effective, a parent must sort them out. Using the results of studies of this kind is one way to sort them out.
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#18 of 26 Old 12-16-2014, 07:49 AM
 
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Well, I think I practice GD. Do you really feel that the mere act of talking about what some seem to think about GD disqualifies one as practicing GD?
No, that's why I asked. :-)

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Perhaps "most parents who practice GD do not" but some do. All I said is that "some do". If you are saying that you think that GD does not require that, then I agree with you. But there seem to be differing opinions on the matter.
The disconnect, and that's why I asked if you ID as GD is that stepping in for little things does not AT ALL seem unique to GD from my perspective. It seems unique to parent personalities. There is nothing in being gentle that guides a parent to intervene at every step of the way. In fact, I think a lot of the ideas that allow for gentle parenting provide for far more childhood independence. Intrinsic motivation being the fist big one that comes to mind.



OP, we've gotten off track - how are things? Have any of the readings or ideas helped?

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#19 of 26 Old 12-16-2014, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you for all the replies, and taking the time to answer.
I like the discussion going on, it is interesting.

it is getting a little better.
I thought about it a lot.
DS2 has always been more agressive. Even when he was 8-9 months old, he would hit, pull hair, scratch my face (DS1 never did that). I remember calling him the alpha male baby. he has this alpha male attitude. fiercely independent, wide shoulders (had pretty bad shoulder dystocia), strong jaw, looks like cave man (and eats like a cave man), insensitive to cold or heat, doesn't care if he falls or gets hurt, etc.
yesterday we spend the day outside (in the snow, we live in Canada). there was 6 kids (aged 0 to 5). He was the ''best behaved''. never hit anyone, but also no tantrum, no screaming or crying, didn,t car if mittens are wet, or if he fell, etc.
so I remembered that he always hated being inside. and never hits when outside. and now, with the winter, we spend so much more time inside, so that doesn,t help.

he never tantrums. we realized with dh, that his way of tantruming is being very agressive.
so that last 3 days we worked on getting him outside daily, doing the normal tantrum prevention(preventing him from being hungry, too tired, ect). and we are trying to make sue I spend 30 minutes daily alone time with him.
all this seems to help.
I think it will get better once he is over 3.y.o.

I like the idea of giving him small responsibilities.

I didn't do much preparation for baby. I just told him around 7-8 months, read a book about baby arriving to him and ds1. DS1 asked me several times to read the book, but DS2 was never interested, so I didn't read to him. I think it was too abstract.

sorry nursing and typing, will try to come back.
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#20 of 26 Old 12-16-2014, 02:26 PM
 
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so that last 3 days we worked on getting him outside daily, doing the normal tantrum prevention(preventing him from being hungry, too tired, ect). and we are trying to make sue I spend 30 minutes daily alone time with him.
all this seems to help.
I think it will get better once he is over 3.y.o.
Such great solutions!

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#21 of 26 Old 12-16-2014, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and the other thing I was thinking about lately, is why are we so against aggressiveness.

Being agressive is not necessarily bad.

when my DH aggressively removes weeds from the garden, it is a good thing. and a health care team that aggressively treats a deadly disease is positive. some cultures really celebrate aggressiveness.

Violence is bad. Aggressiveness is not. and you can be violent without any aggressiveness.

If DS2 is born with higher then average aggressiveness, who am I to decide otherwise. my job is just to teach him the limits. not being destructive, not hurting others. and create an environment where he can learn to use well his gift of aggressiveness.....it is a work in progress for me right now. a learning curve.

so we started the pillow hitting. he would try to hit me or others, I say: ''pillow'', and he hits the pillow instead.....then starts laughing.
and also more roughhousing. helps us all.

other ideas are welcome!
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#22 of 26 Old 12-18-2014, 12:20 PM
 
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thank you for all the replies, and taking the time to answer.
I like the discussion going on, it is interesting.

it is getting a little better.
I thought about it a lot.
DS2 has always been more agressive. Even when he was 8-9 months old, he would hit, pull hair, scratch my face (DS1 never did that). I remember calling him the alpha male baby. he has this alpha male attitude. fiercely independent, wide shoulders (had pretty bad shoulder dystocia), strong jaw, looks like cave man (and eats like a cave man), insensitive to cold or heat, doesn't care if he falls or gets hurt, etc.
yesterday we spend the day outside (in the snow, we live in Canada). there was 6 kids (aged 0 to 5). He was the ''best behaved''. never hit anyone, but also no tantrum, no screaming or crying, didn,t car if mittens are wet, or if he fell, etc.
so I remembered that he always hated being inside. and never hits when outside. and now, with the winter, we spend so much more time inside, so that doesn,t help.

he never tantrums. we realized with dh, that his way of tantruming is being very agressive.
so that last 3 days we worked on getting him outside daily, doing the normal tantrum prevention(preventing him from being hungry, too tired, ect). and we are trying to make sue I spend 30 minutes daily alone time with him.
all this seems to help.
I think it will get better once he is over 3.y.o.

I like the idea of giving him small responsibilities.

I didn't do much preparation for baby. I just told him around 7-8 months, read a book about baby arriving to him and ds1. DS1 asked me several times to read the book, but DS2 was never interested, so I didn't read to him. I think it was too abstract.

sorry nursing and typing, will try to come back.
These are great ideas! Spending more time one on one is so important, and the connection between too much indoor time/tantrums, and the need for more outdoor time. This reminds me of my son!
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#23 of 26 Old 12-18-2014, 12:23 PM
 
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Oh, and the other thing I was thinking about lately, is why are we so against aggressiveness.

Being agressive is not necessarily bad.

when my DH aggressively removes weeds from the garden, it is a good thing. and a health care team that aggressively treats a deadly disease is positive. some cultures really celebrate aggressiveness.

Violence is bad. Aggressiveness is not. and you can be violent without any aggressiveness.

If DS2 is born with higher then average aggressiveness, who am I to decide otherwise. my job is just to teach him the limits. not being destructive, not hurting others. and create an environment where he can learn to use well his gift of aggressiveness.....it is a work in progress for me right now. a learning curve.

so we started the pillow hitting. he would try to hit me or others, I say: ''pillow'', and he hits the pillow instead.....then starts laughing.
and also more roughhousing. helps us all.

other ideas are welcome!
Again, great point, about valuing him for who he is, as well as the redirection of his desire to hit.

I still say look into the gluten connection, only because reading your post reminds me so much of my own son.

Other than that, nothing to add, because you have already come up with so great ideas.
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#24 of 26 Old 01-03-2015, 06:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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update:

so, it worked really well. I am discovering a new DS2. no more hitting and throwing toys. he is more cuddly.
the family is more peaceful. our relationship improved.

but......there is a cost.
DS1!
By giving so much attention to DS2, and having a newborn, someone had to have less of my attention.
now my relationship with DS1 suffers (who is only 5). He will never throw or hit, but now, he doesn'T listen to me, makes every simple task complicated. he is seeking for my attention.
before, he would dress up by himself in the morning if I prepared his clothes. Now, he has to argue about it, it takes for ever. he just needs my attention and tries to get is any way he knows.

so now I have to be careful with him.

good thing dd is just 2 months old, and only needs constant nursing and wearing.

How am I going to manage this once she is over 2!
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#25 of 26 Old 01-04-2015, 06:45 AM
 
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It's always something, right?!!

I think things will smooth out. The fact that your 2 yr old responded so quickly to your efforts means it was a short term stage oriented thing that just needed some calibrating.

One thing I can assure you: with three kids, things are always going to feel out of balance and lopsided. It's a lot like cooking a multi part dinner with lots of distractions. You get one thing going good and something else burns (unless you are some sort of chef-wizard). You just hope for something nourishing in the end.

We are all going to fail in some way, but I like to think I will still guide my kids in the most important ways and it will all turn out all right. And it mostly has. So far!

 











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#26 of 26 Old 01-05-2015, 08:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you for your reassuring words lauren!
I need to read that!
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