hitting and general agression
I am hoping to find some advice here.
we have 3 kids. ds1 5y.o., ds2 2and a half and dd 7 weeks.
ds2 stated agressive behaviour at 2. in the beginning of my pregnancy. it has been 9 months, and it is not getting better.
he likes hitting, pinching, throwing toys on people or on the wall, pulling hear.the only thing he doesnt do is biting.
it is his way of being 2.o. he doesn,t do tantrums, ever screams, he is just agressive. it happens daily, worst when he is tiered, hungry, overstimulsted, or feels negative emotions.
we never spank at home, we don,t punish, no time outs, no bribe, no rewards.
we usually try modelling, prevention, and try to stay connected to the child.
we are not overly concerned by his behavior, but sometimes i wonder if I am missing something.
we know it will pass, we know it is his way of dealing with the arrival of baby sister, having less attention.
he stll nurses, cosleeps with dh.
we tried the following
-telling him , getting at his level that hitting is not acceptable. we did this 12000 times, it is useless
-ignoring him and only giving attention to the person that is hurt.
-if he hits me, i say that i am leaving because he hit me, then leave.
-giving him a hug, nursing him, playing with him....it works until I start doing something else. then he starts throwing stuff again or destroying the house (slamming doors etc)
-ignoring his behaviour.
-acknowledging and validate his feelings, putting words on them , explaining that he is hitting because he is angry, sad or what else.
- telling him to use words instead of force.
-reminding him that I dont hit, DH doesnt hit, DS1 doesnt hit, grandma doesnt hit, etc.....so he shouldnt hit.
I get it that he needs 100 attention, 100% of the time, then he is a cute boy who is always happy....but it is not possible. I or DH can't give him 100% exclusive attention. we have another 5y.o boy, a newborn, an income to earn, food to cook, and just have time to ourselves to just exist.
he can play with his brother 20 minutes max, then he starts hitting him. our 5y.o. likes to do some provocation too. but almost never hits himself.
so, what are we missing here?