My 7 year old is out of control - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 02-07-2017, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 7 year old is out of control

My son is in the first grade and I get phone calls weekly due to his behavior. He gets so angry over the simplest things. When describing it to a friend, I said "he could tie his shoe laces wrong and half his day would be ruined." But it's more than anger and perfecting. He doesnt accept responsibility for the wrong that he does. He always tries to blame anything or anyone but himself.

Today, there was a different teacher who comes in once a week with the class. His normal teacher was at the other end of the building and heard him screaming so she went back and he was kicking his desk and pushing it into the wall while screaming. All because he "hates" the alphabetical work they were told to do and he didn't want to do it. I've tried 3 different medications for supposed ADHD. The side effects were horrendous and I stopped them. He starts seeing a counselor Friday and he has a neurology appt coming up.
I don't know what to do to discipline him! My mom is making me feel guilty and says I'm not recognizing his disease, etc. But how can I allow him to misbehave like that without consequence?

A few more details to add. He's the type of kid who I have to say "put your jeans on" 10 times before he will do it and most of the time I end up doing it so we're not late. If you walk in front of the TV even for half a second, he wants to rewind the entire show and throws a fit. He always says life isn't fair and that he hates his brain. He says he hates every thing he draws etc. Mind you, I've always always built him up, complimented him daily, etc.

He also is VERY intelligent. Very. Every person who meets him can't believe how smart he is.

His father is barely present. Once or twice a month. He's an alcoholic who also had issues in school that his own parents never dealt with. He has anxiety, panic attacks. OCD runs in .your family badly. Just wanted to give some background.

ANY tips would help. Please!
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#2 of 5 Old 02-07-2017, 01:23 PM
 
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Have you read the book "The explosive child"? I've recently read it and found it very helpful for my sweet, but very short tempered and stubborn almost 6-year-old boy, who also struggles with taking direction, etc.
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#3 of 5 Old 02-07-2017, 02:03 PM
 
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wow

My son is/was a tiny bit like that. Defiant, oppositional, doesn't listen, doesn't get along for the sake of getting along. We had a possible diagnosis of ADD too, never tried medication, up to now(ish) he's been managing OK, he's smart but stubborn. Definitely a glass half empty personality, and he gets very emotional. That is a very difficult position to be in. Does he watch a lot of TV, play a lot of computer games? These can amplify agression/tension. Does he have a physical outlet? Activities like martial arts are supposed to help but my son bailed on that, just f--d everything over he's a bit of a bridge burner. Could he have food sensitivities? Would he respond to a reward system? We did this in kindergarten/grade 1? Where we would check in with the teacher and a good week would mean a new book from the school book program. We've really hit the wall in grade 9, skipping class, skipping homework assignments etc. It almost sounds like your son needs anger management techniques, not sure what form that would take. We have drop in mental health programs here but my son got nothing out of them, I think you have to have the willingness to take it on.
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#4 of 5 Old 02-09-2017, 11:16 AM
 
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You're not alone! My 7yo is very much like that. Some of what you describe sounds like OCD (the shoe tying, and the show rewinding) so I would encourage you to look into PANDAS/PANS (www.pandasnetwork.org) and disregard the part about it being sudden onset. It can come on gradually. That also might not be it. But, its worth a little bit of exploring. Through the PANDAS network, I found an ND that I'm working with who is experienced not only with PANDAS, but other behavioral issues in kids. We've done a lot of testing, bloodwork (yes, its like giving a cat a bath) and the 23&me test which is just spit, so its easy. Its genetic testing. You might have heard of MTHFR? Its basically where the body can't process folic acid properly. Cliff notes version: those with MTHFR benefit from taking methylfolate (a form their body can use) it is VERY common. I call it the "hollywood mutation" because its the one that I see posted about on facebook a lot and stuff. Its getting recognition as an issue. BUT. It is only one tiny part of the problem.

My son, for example, is +/+ for MAO mutation. there are 3 differen't COMT mutations, and he is +/- for all 3. +/- is less serious than +/+ but his dr pointed out, he doesn't have any fully functioning COMT gene to pick up the slack. Okay, so.. this is all a bunch of gibberish letters and nonsense, right? Now, this is complex stuff that I only have the faintest kindergarten level of understanding so I'm butchering these explanations. but these genes are responsible for the brain's ability to break down neurotransmitters, like serotinin, dopamine, etc. Here's something I found about my son's combination of mutations:

" When a (+/+) MAO-A mutation is combined with a (+/+) or (+/-) COMT V158M mutation, imbalances in neurotransmitters may be more severe. These imbalances can potentially lead to neuropsychiatric conditions and symptoms such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), mood swings, and aggressive and/or violent behavior."

Sound familiar?!

These aren't just "bad kids" who love to make trouble. And its NOT your fault for not disciplining appropriately. He says he hates his brains He knows something isn't right. He doesn't want to be like that. He knows his brain isn't working the way he wants it to.

So, what we are doing. Based on a combination of test results and symptoms, his dr has him on different supplements. We wait 2 weeks before starting new ones. I keep track in a spreadsheet how the day was (green, yellow, orange, red) as well as how many big meltdowns we have, and what supplements he's currently on. We track any changes, for better or worse, when we start something new. Its hard. It sucks. Yes, he takes a whole bunch of pills every day. But, we are noticing small little improvements. We noticed after a certain supplement, no more red days, and no more than 1 meltdown a day. That's better than a 1-2 red days a week, and days with 2-3 big melt downs. Progress. There's no magic pill that fixes him overnight. We just shoot for next month being better than last month, ya know? facebook groups have been a HUUUGE support. It feels so good to meet other parents with kids who are just like yours, who "get it" and are making progress! I recommend the fb group recovering kids biomedical healing. Its huge. It will likely simultaneously overwhelm the crap out of you, and fascinate you. You'll probably be able to connect with someone locally to find local resources. Feel free to pm me.
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#5 of 5 Old 02-11-2017, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for replying. I actually got super sick and right when I started recovering, my son got sick and now my boyfriend sooo my house is a mess right now and I will read these asap. Just wanted to extend my thanks.
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