#1 of 2
07-14-2004, 04:33 AM
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I’m really not sure if this is a discipline issue but we’re having some “issues” with DC. She’s almost 3 and often takes and takes attention from our adult friends when we get together. Okay, sometimes this is fine but when our friends want to talk with us or *eat* or something, the relationship gets awkward for them because DC wants more still.
How do we handle this situation? On one level, I want DC to be able to navigate her friendships without my constant hovering but I our friends would appreciate some intervention when it comes time for them to say ‘no’ to DC. But, I really dislike answering *for* our friends because it doesn’t quite feel right.
Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos*
#2 of 2
07-14-2004, 02:58 PM
Join Date: Jul 2003
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Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama
On one level, I want DC to be able to navigate her friendships without my constant hovering but I our friends would appreciate some intervention when it comes time for them to say ‘no’ to DC. But, I really dislike answering *for* our friends because it doesn’t quite feel right. .
I'm thinking that she would be much more successful navigating friendships with like-age peers--who have like-aged social skills. You can tell that the adults are tiring of the conversation, because they use body language to communicate their discomfort. But dd needs your to help her understand that body language, and guide her until she is old enough to do so on her own. I, personally, wouldn't rely on the adults to communicate to her directly....because they may have their own issues and may not be able to gently end a conversation with a small child. They may end up being rude to her, or just continuing past their comfort point because they don't know what else to do.....
If it is a matter of eating, I would be firm. "So-and-so needs to eat her lunch right now. We need to let her eat." And redirect child to another activity.
If it is a matter of joining in an "adult" conversation....I personally don't feel comfortable excluding dd from conversation when we have guests. But she must not dominate the conversation---polite manners must be practiced! (as best a 3 yo can practice them....). Taking turns speaking, "excuse me", etc. If I am desperate for time to speak alone to another adult, or the guest is just not up to banter with a 3 yo (well, then, frankly--she shouldn't be at my house
), I work to get dd involved in an independent activity and then rejoin the conversation alone (water in a pan with plastic toys, leap-pad once in a long while, etc).