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#181 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 06:24 PM
 
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question about the food thing ...

i hear what Bunnymama is saying. my mom was always forced to "clean her plate" as a child, and it totally gave her ugly issues w/ food. so she took a much more reasonable approach w/ her own kids. the rule was, we had to try 2 bites. if after 2 bites we still didn't want it, ok fine. she wouldn't make anything else. but she wouldn't argue about it or make it a power struggle. we probably did fight about it a couple times, but 2 bites isn't all that much to ask. i seem to remember being ok w/ it. (she might remember differently!)

anywya, i think this worked well for my sister and me. we are both very adventurous eaters and love to cook and eat. we both have a much better relationship w/ food than my mom does. i continue to use the 2-bite rule w/ any new food or dish i encounter (unless it obviously looks rotten or undercooked or something like that). i really like the fact that i am willing to try new things. i have a big pet peeve w/ adults who turn up their noses at a food just b/c it's unfamiliar.

but, every kid is different. so, i'm curious if any of you disagree w/ this approach?
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#182 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 06:37 PM
 
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I disagree with that approach. I think the job of the parent is to make sure people are fed, not to just make meals. If your goal is to actually feed people, then this is not an issue. You find something to feed them. If your goal is to make meals and too bad if people don't like them, then I think you will have different approaches. But, I also think you will have a different relationship with the people in your care. And not a better one.

What if you know you don't like something by the smell? Or after the first bite? Who cares? Lots of people don't like certain things. I would never order a guest in my house to take two bites of something I'd prepared. I would take them at their word that that was something unpalatable to them and offer something else. It just seems like common courtesy to me.
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#183 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 06:44 PM
 
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so she took a much more reasonable approach w/ her own kids. the rule was, we had to try 2 bites. if after 2 bites we still didn't want it, ok fine. she wouldn't make anything else. but she wouldn't argue about it or make it a power struggle. we probably did fight about it a couple times, but 2 bites isn't all that much to ask. i seem to remember being ok w/ it. (she might remember differently!)
We have a similar "one-bite" rule which our 4yo complies with easily. (The 2 y.o. isn't quite there yet, but that's OK -- he's only 2!) She now likes several dishes that she used to turn her nose up at. She reluctantly ate her 1 bite a few times, then ate 3 or 4 bites the next couple of times, then took a small portion, then asked for seconds... It's a great process to see, and I know that it will serve her well in the future. Whenever I serve a new dish, or one that I know the kids don't care for, I make sure there are plenty of other items on the table that they *do* like so they can fill up. Occasionally I'll make them something seperate in advance, but I never do it once dinner has started.

Stephanie mom to Brianna (6/00) , Alexander (6/02) , and Ethan (9/07) .
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#184 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:00 PM
 
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What if you know you don't like something by the smell? Or after the first bite? Who cares? Lots of people don't like certain things. I would never order a guest in my house to take two bites of something I'd prepared. I would take them at their word that that was something unpalatable to them and offer something else. It just seems like common courtesy to me.
The difference is that small children often come to like foods if they are exposed to them several times (see my post above.) Sometimes they don't, however. My dd has *never* liked green beans, and still doesn't. I no longer request that she taste them, since it seems likely that this is a true dislike (as opposed to simple unfamilarity). A "rule" can be flexible, and those of us who have them are also capable of being respectful toward our children.

As for the guest thing, I would never order a guest to eat anything, but I would be offended if they visibly turned their nose up at what I had cooked and demanded to be served something else. I would consider that -- what else? -- childish behavior! (I would have asked before-hand about strong dislikes or allergies, but you still can't garantee that everyone will be happy.)

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#185 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by monkey's mom
What if you know you don't like something by the smell? Or after the first bite? Who cares?
well, for years i hated mushrooms b/c my dad told me they were fungus. but my mom loves mushrooms, so she would tend to serve mushrooms in lots of different forms and different dishes and she would always make me take 2 bites. (of course there was always other foods available too. but now that i think about it harder, i do remember some meals where i ate nothing but carrots.) eventually, gradually, i have no idea when, i came to like mushrooms by the time i was a teenager i loved them as much as my mom does. but if not for the 2-bite rule, maybe i would still think that i don't like mushrooms. to think of all the years of delicious mushrooms i might have missed out on!

anyway, i don't mean to argue w/ you, that's only me and my little anecdote. i really am fascinated by this topic and i'm curious about the different perspectives on it.
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#186 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by luv my 2 sweeties
The difference is that small children often come to like foods if they are exposed to them several times (see my post above.) Sometimes they don't, however. My dd has *never* liked green beans, and still doesn't. I no longer request that she taste them, since it seems likely that this is a true dislike (as opposed to simple unfamilarity). A "rule" can be flexible, and those of us who have them are also capable of being respectful toward our children.
People are using words like "have to" not "requesting" in regards to the 2 bite trial. I don't think that's respectful or effective in the long run.

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As for the guest thing, I would never order a guest to eat anything, but I would be offended if they visibly turned their nose up at what I had cooked and demanded to be served something else.
Who ever said "demanded?"

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(I would have asked before-hand about strong dislikes or allergies, but you still can't garantee that everyone will be happy.)
No, you can't, but you can practically guarantee how to make people unhappy. And that would be to scorn them and send them away hungry.
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#187 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:09 PM
 
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AND...this raises a good point about the tactic of involving your children in problem solving. Say your kid is constantly leaving their toys lying around and you are tired of tripping over them. So sit down with your kid and say "we have a problem". Then work with the child to figure out some solutions, taking all her suggestions as seriously as your own, writing them down, then the two of you go over them one-by-one and rule out why that would or would not be a possibility. Settle on a plan of action, and sign the agreement of the plan.
I really like this tactic....but I also think it leaves room for the 'choices' once all is said and done. Once you and the child (and this obviously is not for a toddler - at least 3 or 4 or older in my experience) have discussed the issue and came to a conclusion...the option is still there for them to 'follow the rule' or the toys go away. This way, the parent and child put together the rules together and the child then still needs to follow them or 'pay the concquences'...which hopefully they are more likely to remember since they were part of the rule making process.

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#188 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:12 PM
 
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My parents used to make us eat one bite of everything on our plates. We were required to try foods we didn't like every so often. It really pissed me off. Even though I understood the "logic" behind it, it still felt like coercion. I HATE being forced to do something. It's just my personality. And in this case, it sort of backfired on my parents. There were foods that I really didn't enjoy eating until long after I became an adult because I associated them with coercion.

You would think I would have internalized that experience and not repeated it as a parent, wouldn't you? Not. Dh and I both went through a faze of trying to force our picky eater to try things. Fortunately we both snapped out of it. We need encourage her to eat things that we are pretty sure she will like--after loving blueberries as a toddler, she suddenly decided one year that she hated them; this year we finally talked her into trying one again and she loves them again now. But we didn't make her eat one. She is like me in that she hates to be pushed into something. So I won't ever force her to eat something she doesn't want. There are enough healthy foods that she likes to eat so that I can easily prepare her meals. And she always has the option of requesting some other nutritious food if she doesn't want food X that night.
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#189 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by guerrillamama
well, for years i hated mushrooms b/c my dad told me they were fungus. but my mom loves mushrooms, so she would tend to serve mushrooms in lots of different forms and different dishes and she would always make me take 2 bites. (of course there was always other foods available too. but now that i think about it harder, i do remember some meals where i ate nothing but carrots.) eventually, gradually, i have no idea when, i came to like mushrooms by the time i was a teenager i loved them as much as my mom does. but if not for the 2-bite rule, maybe i would still think that i don't like mushrooms.
You don't think you would have EVER tried them? In your whole life? Based on what one person said? Why couldn't they just be offered and either accepted or declined? Why forced? Forcing doesn't ever seem like the right response when it comes to food.

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to think of all the years of delicious mushrooms i might have missed out on!
Think of all the fighting over food you might have missed out on, too.
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#190 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by monkey's mom
I would never order a guest in my house to take two bites of something I'd prepared. I would take them at their word that that was something unpalatable to them and offer something else. It just seems like common courtesy to me.
but when i am a guest, i always exercise the 2-bite rule. even if i know i won't like the thing, i just think it's polite (unless of course it's a dietary restriction or allergy type thing). but anyway that's kind of OT.

on a separate but related issue (if i'm hijacking, someone please call me on it... it seems like this thread has been meandering anyway...) i'm curious when your kids started fixing their own food? when your kid can make his own mac & cheese, or fix her own pb&j that does take care of this, right? how early can that happen? (i have no basis for comparison... my mom is kind of paranoid and anal about her kitchen, so i wasn't really allowed to mess around in the kitchen except under close supervision. even now, i am on thin ice in there.)
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#191 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by monkey's mom
You don't think you would have EVER tried them? In your whole life? Based on what one person said? Why couldn't they just be offered and either accepted or declined? Why forced? Forcing doesn't ever seem like the right response when it comes to food.
oh, not like i would have been an adult thinking "i don't eat mushrooms because my dad told me they are fungus." more like, it would have been ingrained in my mind that "i don't like mushrooms" w/o ever really challenging that assumption.

i'm thinking of an ex-boyfriend who had a list of like a million things he wouldn't eat - more accurately, he had a list of like 10 things he would eat. i couldn't take him anywhere. really, you'd invite him over for dinner and he'd eat, like, bread (and be pissed off about it ). he would never try anything new, so i'd ask him how he knew he wasn't going to like such and such a thing, and he would dig his heels in even further: "i just don't like it." i never understood. i do not mean to imply that any of your kids will turn into that guy! (he had plenty of other issues too, and his upbringing was definitely not GD) i'm just wondering out loud how to prevent that kind of thing.

why do i procrastinate so much on mdc...?
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#192 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:39 PM
 
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My son is 4 and has now started making his own PB (no J) sandwiches and his own cereal I am going to rearrange the kitchen soon so that he can help himself to these things (and juice)....I think it will be espically helpful when the new baby comes and I won't be as available.

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#193 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 07:55 PM
 
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This may or may not be off topic, but another thing that I notice a lot of people talking about is "Would you ever do that to your husband?" or some other similar thing to justify why they wouldn't coerce/demand/request that their child do something. I personally don't really see that as a valid analogy because my husband would never fall down on the floor and start kicking and screaming because I asked him to put on his socks. My husband would never scream "NO!" and run to hide under the bed because I told him that before we could read a book we had to clean up his dinosaurs. My husband would never dump his plate of food on the floor because he didn't like what I was serving. My point is, of course, that my husband would not behave like a 2 or 3 year old because he isn't. He is an adult, and he is developmentally capable of thinking of a better alternative or negotiating with me. In my experience with children, a 2 or 3 year old is not old enough to do this. A 2 or 3 year old is not developmentally capable of reasoning through things (as another poster had asked, isn't there a better way to reason with your kids? Sometimes, the answer is no.) I think that sometimes people here seem to be asking an awful lot of their kids when they expect that their kids can reason through things. Very emotional, tantruming children can't reason. Two or 3 year olds really can't reason. That's why young children need their parents to be in charge and teach them acceptable ways to express themselves, and that's why, in my humble opinion, talking to children in different ways than I would talk to my spouse is completely acceptable. Children and adults behave differently and they think differently, and I think it's respectful to children to acknowledge that. I don't advocate screaming, degrading, and being mean to children, but I also don't see ordering a child to do something they don't want to do as disrespectful of their personhood. Children usually can't see or understand the big picture the way adults do.

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#194 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 08:03 PM
 
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Who ever said "demanded?"
No one. I was simply expanding on your example to make a point about the differences in behavior between most adults and most children.

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No, you can't, but you can practically guarantee how to make people unhappy. And that would be to scorn them and send them away hungry.
I think my post made it clear that I don't do this to my guests *or* my children, and I don't think that many other posters have indicated that they would do this either. I think it's interesting to debate these issues on the merits -- for example, I appreciate fianna's post about how the "one-bite rule" was not helpful to her. This is not our experience, since it hasn't resulted in any food struggles with dd. But it's instructive to know that it doesn't work for everyone. On the otherhand, portraying others' arguements in the extreme isn't really fair, IMO. (We get plenty of that from the Presidential candidates these days. )_

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#195 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 08:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Piglet68
Bunnysmama: I appreciate what you are saying. But eating disorders DO seem to be epidemic in this country
I forgot that I wanted to address this, too. I'm not sure what would qualify as an official epidemic, but regardless, I think that how parents handle what their children are required to eat at mealtime is the smallest factor in this. I think the media fascination with thin, thinner, and thinnest is the major factor. (I realize that a lot of eating disorders are about control, but I also don't think that parents attempting to instill healthy eating habits is the major predicator of eating disorders or long-term control issues.) I also believe that, in countries where children are expected (or have no choice but to) eat what they are served, instances of eating disorders are very low or nearly non-existent. From what I have read, eating disorders are a "luxury" (and I don't use that term glibly) of well-fed countries.

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#196 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 08:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by luv my 2 sweeties
No one. I was simply expanding on your example to make a point about the differences in behavior between most adults and most children.
I get that, but there is a way to politely decline food where demanding something else doesn't have to be a part of it. I don't see anything wrong with declining food choices. Demanding other choices, on the other hand, would be annoying and corrected.


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I think my post made it clear that I don't do this to my guests *or* my children, and I don't think that many other posters have indicated that they would do this either.
I don't think you do this. I wasn't trying to imply otherwise. I promise! Not trying to make anyone feel bad!

However, other posters have said that they, indeed, do that. And I disagree with it and I think it is harmful to the parent/child relationship. It might not create lifelong eating disorders, but I don't think it's meeting the needs of children or fostering respect and trust.
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#197 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 08:35 PM
 
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For me, the "one-bite rule" at home and the "three Brownie bites" rule at camp turned the issue of whether or not I would eat a particular food into a power struggle. I had decided not to try Food X because it repelled me in some way, and an adult was insisting that I had to eat some of it. If I tried it and did in fact like it, there was no way I could admit it without becoming the "loser" in this interaction. (I can think of at least one occasion on which I was required to eat a green bean and said it was not quite as bad as I expected, and both parents then smirked and spent the rest of the meal lecturing me about how this was why I should always try everything. I didn't make that mistake again, nor did I eat any more green beans at that meal.) Being forced to take bites never resulted in my discovering that Food X was REALLY GOOD, because my sense of what I did not want to eat was based on my tastes.

All of the foods I didn't like as a young child that I do like now entered my repertoire in the same way: At some point, the food was presented in a way that struck me as unusually appetizing, and ***I*** decided to give it a try. It's worth mentioning that the worst thing my parents could do at that point was to comment on how surprised they were that I was eating it and/or lecture me about how this proved that I did too like Food X and ought to eat huge portions of it from now on.

So, I'm not into "bite" rules...but I think it's fine to say, "Gee, I worked hard making this, and I really hoped everybody would like it. I'd like you to at least taste it." as long as you save it for the special occasions. Oh, and of course, kids should be taught that it is not polite or necessary to make a big fuss over how disgusting Food X is, because that hurts the feelings of the cook and the people who do like it.

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#198 of 260 Old 08-10-2004, 11:13 PM
 
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(I can think of at least one occasion on which I was required to eat a green bean and said it was not quite as bad as I expected, and both parents then smirked and spent the rest of the meal lecturing me about how this was why I should always try everything. I didn't make that mistake again, nor did I eat any more green beans at that meal.)
What a great point.

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It's worth mentioning that the worst thing my parents could do at that point was to comment on how surprised they were that I was eating it and/or lecture me about how this proved that I did too like Food X and ought to eat huge portions of it from now on.
This makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. This is exactly what mil does, and it is maddening. Dh is the oldest of 7, and is 18 years older than the youngest, so I got to witness this kind of talk from mil a lot at family dinners. It is SO condecending. What it comes down to is she is saying "I told you so". I have stricken the whole "I told you so" attitude from my brain because of this.

(Well, except to tease dh sometimes. )

Maybe this whole eating debate is a case of equal amounts of nature and nurture. I can tell you that my dad and my siblings and I all have an avid love for food. We all have a pretty large repertoire of favorite foods. My parents used the "at least taste it" method with us, and I think it helped, though I didn't like it at the time. But that's just me and my family. I really think tastes for food are biologically wired.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#199 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 12:48 AM
 
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IdentityCrisisMama, if you are reading this here is the "heads up" you were talking about before.

I grew up in my grandmother's house. She had some pretty weird issues in general and food was one of them. Breakfast was so important to her that she would make me ice cream sodas, cinnamon sugar toast, etc. to try to tempt me to eat something. I never wanted to eat so early in the morning - still don't. So she'd give me this totally unhealthy stuff and then get mad if I didn't eat it. At dinner, she made the same thing for everybody, even if she was making something she knew I didn't like, I got no special treatment. I had to eat a small portion of it - not even 2 bites, a whole portion - before I could leave the table. And she made a lot of stuff I didn't like. Plain boiled spinach, beets, asparagus, liver, cabbage, etc. I can remember sitting at the table for 3 hours before my grandmother would come in and disgustedly send me to bed. The only thing that saved me from getting the rejected dinner for breakfast was her need to see me eat something before I left the house. I'm sure she wrestled with that dilemma. It was a huge power struggle. I was willing to sit there forever, I knew eventually she would have to let me leave the table and of course I was right. It's symptomatic of other problems we had but it sure didn't *help* our relationship. Oh, and I was the only person who was required to eat some of everything she made. The adults were off the hook.

So. DS is still very young and we have plenty of time for trouble to arise. But he's a good eater so far - willing to try new things, likes a wide range of foods, eats veggies and fruit, etc. I consider food to be a complete non-issue. If we are having something he hasn't had before or that I know he doesn't really like, I make a simple back-up like cold chicken and cheese or a soy burger. If he wants to pour a puddle of dressing into his baked potato, he can. If he only wants to eat 3 bites and leaves a mostly full plate, then 30 minutes later wants a peanut butter sandwich, that is fine. I just let it all go. 99.9% of the food in the house is healthy so if he wants to eat it in any amount at any time, OK by me. No kid is going to eat cheese for a month. Just make healthy food available and get out of the way.

While I'm rambling, here is a little story - we were visiting DH's brother and SIL, they have a 2 y.o. girl and a 5 y.o. boy. We went out to dinner at a mexican restaurant and 2 y.o. wanted to dip her chip in some salsa. BIL and SIL wouldn't let her. They said it was too spicy. They wrangled over it for 10 minutes before she finally had a meltdown. Just let the kid try some salsa, for crying out loud! Not only that, but it was OK for her to eat the chips, but not OK for her to dip them in the salsa which may have actually been kind of healthy?!
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#200 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 02:08 AM
 
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This may or may not be off topic, but another thing that I notice a lot of people talking about is "Would you ever do that to your husband?" or some other similar thing to justify why they wouldn't coerce/demand/request that their child do something. I personally don't really see that as a valid analogy because my husband would never fall down on the floor and start kicking and screaming because I asked him to put on his socks. My husband would never scream "NO!" and run to hide under the bed because I told him that before we could read a book we had to clean up his dinosaurs. My husband would never dump his plate of food on the floor because he didn't like what I was serving.
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#201 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 02:43 AM
 
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II think that sometimes people here seem to be asking an awful lot of their kids when they expect that their kids can reason through things. Very emotional, tantruming children can't reason. Two or 3 year olds really can't reason. That's why young children need their parents to be in charge and teach them acceptable ways to express themselves, and that's why, in my humble opinion, talking to children in different ways than I would talk to my spouse is completely acceptable. Children and adults behave differently and they think differently, and I think it's respectful to children to acknowledge that. I don't advocate screaming, degrading, and being mean to children, but I also don't see ordering a child to do something they don't want to do as disrespectful of their personhood. Children usually can't see or understand the big picture the way adults do.

Wilma

And another for BunnysMama. ITA.
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#202 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 03:02 AM
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I don't use that anology, but I think you (you three) don't understand it. It is simply a way to say that it is not healthy to use disrepectful ways of communicating (yelling, berating, shaming, forcing) with anyone - your partner or your children. It does not mean that you must talk to your children the same way you talk to your partner. It tires me to read all the time that because I say children deserve respect it must mean that I let a child kick me. I want to be able to see the reasons behind my partner's after-work grumpiness (instead of taking it personally) the same I want to be able to see the reasons behind my toddler's kicking (instead of thinking he or she is just bad/manipulating/doing it to get my goat, etc.).

There are posters here who do treat their children in a vastly different way than they treat their partners; hence, the analogy.
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#203 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 03:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ParisMaman
I don't use that anology, but I think you (you three) don't understand it. It is simply a way to say that it is not healthy to use disrepectful ways of communicating (yelling, berating, shaming, forcing) with anyone - your partner or your children.There are posters here who do treat their children in a vastly different way than they treat their partners; hence, the analogy.

I do treat my chldren vastly differently than my partner. I DO NOT yell berate shame or force though.

I do make demands I would not make on my partner. check out my post on how I deal with my DD in response to "my kids have too much power." I wouldn't talk to my spouse that way. I think it is a good way to talk to a five year old though
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#204 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 04:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by luv my 2 sweeties
Just quickly, if you wind up in battles about the TV staying off, consider just removing it for a while. This is how we have had to handle tv with DS. DD would accept limits on viewing, but DS begs and begs and begs and drives me nuts! Taking it down has worked wonders as far as stopping the battle completely -- out of sight, out of mind! We still pull it out now and then for a treat. Both kids are playing much more creatively now.

As for the ice cream and other "junk" she knows is there -- how about removing it from the house for a while? You and dh will have to practice what you preach, which can be a good lesson in itself! I'm no saint on this one -- I often pull out the chips and salsa after the kids go to bed. But if it were becoming a daily battle with the kiddos refusing to eat other food and begging for the chips, I'd go without for a while. Your dd won't refuse to eat good food if it's the only stuff available! An occasional treat is fine, but for a while you may want to limit it to outside the house, until a better pattern is established at home. A good tip I learned to compromise between making a separate meal for a picky eater and forcing them to eat only what you cooked: Always have something on the table that you know the child likes. If that's all they eat, fine, but you don't get yourself into the bind of having to be a short-order cook! So if you might serve tuna casserole with cherry tomatoes, cheese and bread. If she eats some of each, great. If she only eats bread, cheese and one tomato, fine. It's worked pretty well for us.
Haven't read all the responses yet (long thread), but I want to ditto this. I have two foster children with food issues. I will not let them just eat junk like they want (and specific junk at that), but I also don't make them eat stuff they genuinely dislike (like onions and spinach). I make some meals that they love, some that are healthy and they don't hate. Everything has a balance, you know?

Good luck,
Kristi

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#205 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 06:43 AM
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Maya, I have a different approach.
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#206 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 10:01 AM
 
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CB, I'm not sure whether you're laughing at me because you find my position ridiculous or whether you're laughing because you find what I've written funny.

Wilma
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#207 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 11:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ParisMaman
Maya, I have a different approach.

Yes, I understand you have a different approach. I think what I, Charles B and Bunnysmama are saying is that we do. We don't believe in treating kids like adults and Bunnysmama gave a good (and amusing) explanation of why.

So when posters say, "I wouldn't do X to my dc because it would be rude to do to my dh" that is not a good reason/analogy for us. There are things we don't do because it is wrong to do to children, but that is a different story.

I believe that all 3 of us still use GD. As a matter of fact, this is one difference between my inter-action with my kids and with my DH. I sure wouldn't "discipline" him, even gently. I strongly believe that things are different with adults, who it is not your job to teach.
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#208 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 12:07 PM
 
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I just wanted to comment on the food issue also. I am a picky eater, always have been. And a lot of it does not have to do with taste. Most of it is texture, smell, or what the stuff is. I love the taste of onions in things, but I hate when they are still crunchy. Don't know why, I just do not like them that way, they must be mushy, lol! Broccoli, I cannot stand the smell of it, and the smell hangs around for hours too, ugg. I have tried to eat it, I know it is good for you, but the smell makes me gag, I just cannot do it. And some things I just cannot eat because of what they are, sour cream, cottage cheese, sunny side eggs, egg yolk in general. I know that it is all mental, that the taste is not that bad, but it is not something I can get around. I remember one of the best things my Mom ever did was find out WHY I did not like something, and she would try to cook it another way next time. Sometimes it would work and I would find that although I did not like cooked peas I loved them raw. I knew I would have to try what ever it was she made, but she always had something like rice that she knew everyone would eat too. My dad however was one of those "you put it on your plate you eat it all" types. He made my brother eat a bunch of ketchup when he put to much on his plate one time. I hated meal times with him (he was gone a lot because of his job). Around here I try to do what my Mom did, although I seem to be only picky one here, Dh and ds will eat anything that is set on their plates, so I lucked out there. But whenever I hear parents complain about their picky eaters, I really feel for the kids cause I know what it can be like.
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#209 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 12:29 PM
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Very emotional, tantruming children can't reason. Two or 3 year olds really can't reason.
How do you know they are incapable of reason?
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#210 of 260 Old 08-11-2004, 01:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BunnysMomma
This may or may not be off topic, but another thing that I notice a lot of people talking about is "Would you ever do that to your husband?" or some other similar thing to justify why they wouldn't coerce/demand/request that their child do something. I personally don't really see that as a valid analogy because my husband would never fall down on the floor and start kicking and screaming because I asked him to put on his socks. My husband would never scream "NO!" and run to hide under the bed because I told him that before we could read a book we had to clean up his dinosaurs. My husband would never dump his plate of food on the floor because he didn't like what I was serving.

OK, from my point of view- if my husband asked me to put on my socks- I might not fall down on the floor kicking and screaming, but- I wouldn't likely put my socks on either , I am not a fan of being told what to do- now if it was actually him asking me to do so, and he explained what *I* felt was a good reason why, I would likely do it, but still on *my* time frame and *if* I felt there was a good reason.

Now story time and picking up dinosaurs- let's put that into adult world- if dh said he wasn't going to spend time doing something special with me until I did the dishes, um.... let's just say that would not go over well. He could say that he doesn't want to spend special time with me until after the dishes are done, and I'd likely either- offer to do them, offer to help him, or maybe say- "ok, when you're done with the dishes, I'll be here", but the third option would be rare and only likely if I had something else pressing to do. I love and feel respected by my dh, and if it meant a lot to him that the house be cleaned up before we relax together, I would help him out, no biggie, my kids do the same for me .

If my husband made a dinner I did not like (knowing I did not like it- I am a picky eater despite my mom's efforts to get me to try new things), and then told me that I couldn't get myself another meal that I *do* like, AND that I had to eat what he made (in part b/c he's bigger than me and the "boss" even if he didn't say that), the meal might not just end up on the floor IYKWIM.

Now, on the flip side- if dd hits ds, I stop her and tell her that it is NOT ok to hit him, I might even yell about it, then I would try to figure out *WHAT* was going on with her that she did that, to prevent it from happening again. I would react the same way if dh spanked ds.

That is where I am coming from when I talk about respecting my kids like I do dh.

Still, I fail, often, I don't always treat dh or the kids in the most respectful way, but I am working on it .

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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