If you let your child curse... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 13 Old 08-29-2004, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
hipumpkins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 5,987
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have seen some threads where parents refer to the fact that children are allowed to curse. I was just wondering...(no judgement truly just a question.) What is the thought process behind that? Is that they are just words ?
I am really curious.

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
hipumpkins is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 13 Old 08-30-2004, 12:28 AM
 
maya44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here is what I told my kids:

Swear words are really just words. Now, if you call someone a swear word, that is wrong. It's mean. Its like calling somone ugly, its just not nice (even though ugly is not a swear word, so its not the word, it the using it against someone.) And you certainly can't use swear words at school. That is against the rules of school. And most adults feel it is rude for children to use those words, so no using them around other adults. And I really dont' want to hear them myself because, you know I don't use those words.

BUT, if you want to use them around your friends alone, that is going to be up to you. Now, I will tell you that once you start using words like this, its hard to stop. And people may think poorly of you if they overhear you. but it is nothing that is going to harm you or anyone else, so its your decision.


THE REASON I tell them this is that 1) It is just words and 2) I want to take some of the "glamour" out of swear words which my nine year old tells me I've done quite well ("Mom, you just took ALL the fun out of swearing")
maya44 is offline  
#3 of 13 Old 08-30-2004, 12:52 AM
 
TiredX2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: it appears to be a handbasket
Posts: 20,029
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DD, specifically (DS is still really young) already understands quite well the concept of situation. LOL.

DH & I use a fair amount of coloqial swearing and she sometimes does the same. As mentioned on the swearing thread in TAO, DS is know to refer to things as "rat bastard" on occasion.

I think the better lesson is to be considerate of others. Some of our friends are uncomfortable around *any* swearing (butt, for example, is on their no list). Many of DHs friends would happily use F*** as noun, verb, adjective & exclamation all in the same sentance. Learning to behave w/politeness towards all people is a good thing.

I assume I would quickly draw the line at disgusing (not fart disgusting, bet sexual deviancy ick) language if my child brought that home, but for frustration nothing beats a good "shit" every once in a while

 

 

TiredX2 is offline  
#4 of 13 Old 08-30-2004, 02:03 AM
 
hunnybumm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Goldsboro, NC
Posts: 3,387
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DS is only 9 mos but I talked to my DH about "letting" DS swear and teaching him "they are just words". I also like the idea of taking the glamour out of swear words. I liked to swear because it was cool and you weren't suppose to do it, about the only rebelion thing I did until I turned 18.

I agree that you have to teach them when it is appropriate and when it isn't appropriate. I don't think there are many people who think it isn't cute and funny when a small child repeats a curse word out of complete innocence. I remember the first time I heard my little sister say "Oh shit" to herself.

Anyways, words are just words no matter how small.
hunnybumm is offline  
#5 of 13 Old 08-30-2004, 02:26 AM
 
LiamnEmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,103
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't exactly let my kids swear, but they do on occasion use one here or there. They are very young, three and five years, but they've heard them from me or dh, so it seems hypocritical to stop them from using them since they're just parroting what they've heard, although they've always used them in the correct context. I just remind them that most people don't like to hear them and that if they use them at daycare or school they are likely to get into trouble. It's rare for them to use them.
LiamnEmma is offline  
#6 of 13 Old 08-30-2004, 06:42 PM
 
girlndocs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: discreet, my @ss
Posts: 4,131
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
As I mentioned elsewhere, 5-yo ds has been known to let fly the odd F-bomb :LOL We're perfectly OK with this.

Our reasoning is that for us as adults, profanity has a valid place in our "toolbox" for expressing strong emotions. Why should it be any less valid in ds' toolbox?

The line for us between acceptable & unacceptable language is that language may not be used to hurt. This applies to all words. It's fine for ds to exclaim, "s***!" when his block tower collapses. It's not fine for him to call the person who accidentally brushed against it a s***head. It also wouldn't be OK to call that person clumsy or stupid.

Of course, even as adults, there's appropriate & inappropriate situations for certain types of language. We talk differently in a church or at a job interview than we would at a pool party or alone with our best friends, YK? Ds picked up on this very smoothly & he uses substitutes when he's around, say, the ILs, or my nephew (who's a slightly primmer version of Alex P. Keaton, but that's another story :LOL)

I've heard the argument that swearing becomes a "crutch", harming a person's ability to express strong emotions in other ways, and I don't think it holds water. I think the causality of that argument is flawed: maybe people who already *have* a limited vocabulary turn to swearing as their only means of strong expression. Ds swears very rarely (probably because there's no shock value to it for him) and has plenty of vocabulary for expressing himself other ways.

The bottom line for us is that it's more realistic to provide him with the full range of language that adults use, and help him navigate appropriate context & situation, than to teach him certain words are just inherently "bad," "rude," or "disrespectful". The wearing of shoes is immensely disrespectful in some contexts, i.e. certain houses of worship. But that doesn't mean I'm being disrespectful if I wear my favorite sneaks on the lawn at home.
girlndocs is offline  
#7 of 13 Old 08-30-2004, 06:55 PM
 
iamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: So. Oregon
Posts: 2,194
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm the type who swears out of emotion and occassionally like the f word for verb, adjetive etc and I say shit if I stub my toe... However, I have a neightbor who swears all the time when she talks to her kids. I hate it I think it is sooo disrespectful and I don't even want my dd to play with her kids. I think it is verbal abuse at times

For example "I do all the f----en house work around here!!!!!" "Don't be a bitch" etc.

That crosses the line! Swearing where do you draw the line?? Good ??

OTT...Has anyone seen the South Park Movie??? The movie isn't that good but there is a really funny song about trying not to swear.

"Don't say F--- Say umm kay" "cause f--- is the worst word that you can say..."
iamama is offline  
#8 of 13 Old 08-30-2004, 10:53 PM
 
Dragonfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: On the Brink
Posts: 6,550
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I try not to classify words as "good" or "bad" with ds.

He and I talk a lot about the power of language and what sort of impact our words can have on other people. I'll admit it: He really likes to sweat lately. He's particularly fond of 'shit' and 'damnit' lately. It's really just experimentation for him at this point. If he stubs his toe, he'll usually start out with your generic, "OW!" and then, while he's writhing on the ground, will actually stop for a second, think about it, and follow it up with one or the other of the two words above.

I think he wants to see how they feel to say. He also wants to see what sort of reaction they draw out of me (less so now, though, as I'm getting better at "schooling" my reaction).

The only words I forbid in our home are words that are used to negatively label and hurt people. We'll still talk about those, of course, but I have a solid stance on them. The others, I believe, have their place. They're just words and they only have as much power as you give them. I make it clear to him that they are for situational usage (and he's getting that concept very well) and that they are never to be directed at people. Fortunately, it's just not in his nature to want to hurt people's feelings.
Dragonfly is offline  
#9 of 13 Old 08-31-2004, 12:16 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
this is what I told my daughter...she is nearly 14 and does swear around her friends I am sure...it's the teen culture...but she never does around me...sometimes she comes home from being with her friends and her language is heading in that directions and I say "you are home now, turn it off" because it's like they have difficulty transitioning and it's then I might hear something.

My sister called me in a tizzy because she(my daughter)had the F word on her msn name(she was in a really bad mood because of school bullying) and I said "you swear when you are upset yet you expect a 13 year old to have better self control"

Then I asked my daughter to remove it because her younger cousins could see it. She did immediately. She's a good girl but she's a real girl and a teenager.
allgirls is offline  
#10 of 13 Old 08-31-2004, 02:26 PM
 
TiredX2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: it appears to be a handbasket
Posts: 20,029
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
For example "I do all the f----en house work around here!!!!!" "Don't be a bitch" etc.
I just wanted to point out, I do not consider that an issue of swearing. It would be just as abusive to say:

"I do all the house work around here!!!!" "Don't be a brat/stupid/etc..."

 

 

TiredX2 is offline  
#11 of 13 Old 08-31-2004, 09:20 PM
 
UnschoolnMa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Trying to release my cows..Join Me!
Posts: 14,840
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
We all swear at our house, children included. I have never understood why swearing is considered acceptable for adults and not children. It just makes no sense to me. It can be harmless and normal (even helpful if it allows the release of stress), or it can be hurtful and mean spirited. It all depends on how it's used.

We've talked about when, how, and where swearing is good/okay, and when it is best to find some other way to express yourself. For instance swearing around conservative Grandma is probably not the best way to go, swearing in a professional situation or around people you know don't care for such language isn't great either. It isn't polite to try and make people uncomfortable over something as small as language ( if "shit" bugs grandma it won't kill you to try and say shoot instead when you can... etc) At home or around people we really know swearing is a so-whatter. I am a writer and I love words and language. An outright ban on some words because they are "bad" doesn't sit well with me.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
peace.gif  Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!    
UnschoolnMa is offline  
#12 of 13 Old 08-31-2004, 10:15 PM
 
Village Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Posts: 3,325
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My favourite teacher told our class , in grade 9, That we were to feel free to use profanity in our schoolwork and in the classroom... however... she pointed out, there is a time where a swear word will be extemely appropriate, and will express your thought or feeling exactly . Most other times when it is used inappropriately, or overused, it just makes you sound uneducated.
My 3 year old has definately made me cringe more than a few times. He gets over it though! My mom sure found it to be much more humerous when it wasnt her own child!

:
Village Mama is offline  
#13 of 13 Old 09-01-2004, 10:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
hipumpkins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 5,987
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you all so much for your repiles. I was at a prty over the weekend where a litle girl was getting into trouble for cursing. She is 6 I think. Anyway, her mom told me that she was always in trouble inschool for cursing, too. Keep in mind that her parents are swearaholics!! I felt really bad for this little girl b/c I have met her at some other times and she is very bright and articulate. Somehting I don't think her parents see b/c of her bracing up against "normal". At the party she was dragged outside in front of all the adulsts and berated (I did not see it my DH told me how it happend b/c he also felt bad for her) I kind of wished I was there to give her a little wink or somehting to know someone was on her side. Anyway, with this maybe I can let her mom know that cursing isn't all bad and completely accepted in some homes.

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
hipumpkins is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off