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Homeschooling mom to 4
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Originally Posted by Ubertulip
DH and I are a couple of first-time parents, and you know, figuring it out as we go.
Originally Posted by Ubertulip
This has been going on and getting worse for some time, as our natural inclination has been to get her what she wants to eat-- we're probably too obliging, it's true-- but it is becoming clear that we need to change something!! We've curtailed the problem at dinner by eating together at the table, with all the "available" food at the table in front of us. But during the day, unless we're at a restaurant or something, we go through this several times.
The part about needing to set consistent "limits", or be consistent about offering a limited number of things to eat, and sticking to it, anyway, has already become clear to me.
I guess since this testing limits thing is new, I am really asking how to handle the tantruming/upsetness on her part, because it is coming up frequently in other situations now, too-- like getting in the car, or going to bed, etc. etc. I've been reading in some books, but I'm not "getting it."
|The confusing thing to me, is if I am going to put her in the carseat, and she wants to sit and read stories and nurse in the car first, I think "well, I don't need to get to the store in a particular hurry; I have no problem with that". So I do it. Is that giving in? Should I stick to the original plan and deal with her being really upset "just because"? This is my response to most everything. I just figure being a parent is inconvenient sometimes, and "it's my job". Am I a pushover? [/Qoute]
No- evaluate each situation as it comes up. For example, you could say "ok, let';s read stories, but we have to do that in the house". You are acting on her needs and teaching her that the car is not the place for this (setting a limit). You are not a pushover, you are helping her with her wants and needs. The trick (to me) is to do that in a way that she understands that everything has a place and time.
I often find myself saying "eh, I don't NEED to get xy AND z done. Let's do x and y and play in the mall"
"dd, when you want a snack, you can choose either an orange or yogurt." "No, you chose an orange. I can't get tofu out right now, that isn't a choice. I am sorry, but we can't have everything open right now." Expect some challenges at first, but allow her some choices.
An example in our house is we list 5-6 items for dinner and Goo picks 2-3. We give them to her. Then, she asks for what we are eating (on the original list). We say ok, but she also needs to have some of her food that we gave her.
HUGS, you have NOT screwed her up and tantrums are a NORMAL PART of development. Don't feel that because you have tantrums that you have failed...
Originally Posted by Foobar
Things that don't matter: Dinner as long as it is healthy (no ice cream and Ding dongs for dinner unless mommy is PSMY)
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