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#181 of 235 Old 10-07-2005, 01:56 PM
 
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OK, DD is only three months old, so, only one rule so far.............

You May look over your should at things that catch your interest.
You May nurse as often as you like.
You May NOT do both at the same time, it hurts.
I would really Prefer that you not grin at the faces I make when you break this rule.

Wincing,

Beth
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#182 of 235 Old 10-07-2005, 02:40 PM
 
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OH man this is soooo funny!!

The last year I taught third grade I became pregnant and had SERIOUS "all day" sickness, so here were some of my rules.

No breathing on the teacher unless you eat a mint
No eating anything with cheese or meat around the teacher
If teacher leaves the room, sit quietly in your sit (yeah right) until she returns and girls:
no running to the rest room to watch the teacher throw up


I also had to make up this rule on the playground my first year of teaching

When swinging, no trying to hit people with your legs as they walk by!

I also have this rule for my husband :
No throwing trash on the floor.

Seriously.

My son is 13mos. so we don't have any "rules" as yet- I'm sure we'll have some humdingers.
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#183 of 235 Old 10-07-2005, 03:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little bird
no eating sand? : :

we live on the lake, and beside breastmilk, sand was baby's first food, it's fun, it's clean (sun bleached goodness!) and it's plentiful. sand everywhere. all over everyones face, in everyone's pants, in everyone's hair/food/bed/ you name it.
a day without sand in your ears is abnormal.


on the other hand, I don't want anyone to eat sand at the park, you never know who/whats been doing there!
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#184 of 235 Old 10-09-2005, 03:39 PM
 
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Don't lick the windows.
Don't put your dinosaur's tail up your nose.
Don't put your dinosaur's tail in your eye.
We do not wash stuffed animals' hands.
We do not paint stuffed animals.
Books may not "swim" in the bathtub.
Don't climb the cat furniture. It is his only refuge.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#185 of 235 Old 10-09-2005, 06:35 PM
 
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These are hilarious.

No dancing with grapes in your mouth.
No sticking your penis in the tub faucet.
No putting your feet in mama's face while you nurse.
No using the nice sofa as a napkin for your chin.
No pooping in the tub and then fishing for the poop.
No drinking the bath water, especially after peeing in the tub.
No decorating the dogs with markers, crayon or stickers.
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#186 of 235 Old 10-09-2005, 06:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Embee
This thread is so hilarious, I've been LOL with every single post! Man, it's been a long while since I've laughed this hard... thanks all. :

This just in from our neck of the woods:

No singing songs about poop while in the grocery store. "Some people find it offensive, honey. Save it for home, please." There of course was a lady standing next to us with eyebrows raised all the while, I'm trying very hard not to laugh that my dear almost four year old is singing at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS about the "little nugget in his pants."

Um, he didn't really have a nugget in his pants, btw... just currently obessed with potty talk.
I'm laughing so hard...thanks for this thread. Sounds like one kid is proud of his body.
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#187 of 235 Old 10-10-2005, 06:55 PM
 
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My favorite of ours is:

"No umbrellas in the bathroom."

I'll have to come back when I can remember some more.

I just made up another one:
"No drills near the couch!"
"Drills are for walls, not people."

He was playing with DH's drill. With all damage-inducing parts removed, but I dont' want him to get in the habit of doing certain things with it if he happened to find it with bits or something in it.
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#188 of 235 Old 10-10-2005, 08:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bec
Underpants make the very best hats. Didn't you know?


Bec
This is SO my husband. Recently, while shopping for undies for me, while dragging my nine year old through a section he really didn't want to be in, dh snuck up behind him and put a bra onto poor ds's head. He wasn't impressed, but his face was priceless! :

You guys have me laughing so hard I had to put the baby down!

Our rules are mostly safety, though the others all seem to be toddler related
No sitting on top of the baby, no matter how much you want to hug him
the same no snot rules
no pulling up mom's shirt in public
no giving the ferrets the thomas train toys
no kissing the tv, no matter how much you love Blue
no dancing on the table
no perching on the back of the couch (cute, but he falls really quickly)

Think that's it for interesting ones
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#189 of 235 Old 10-10-2005, 10:09 PM
 
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Gee, I thought I had an original one with "Don't lick your sister!" :LOL

Another one is: don't wipe snot on the walls. Our ds said, "But I'm saving them for later". UGH!
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#190 of 235 Old 10-10-2005, 11:23 PM
 
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No painting with toilet water.
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#191 of 235 Old 10-11-2005, 12:08 AM
 
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Oh a new one from today:

When washing dishes at the kitchen sink, it is not OK to empty the entire bottle of dishwashing liquid into the sink because you want to give the dish sponge a bubble bath.
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#192 of 235 Old 10-11-2005, 12:48 AM
 
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I love these rules ! :LOL
No wiping nose on couch
No BRITE pink , blue, or purple foods( ie: blue ketchup , pink donuts, purple skittles etc....) :
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#193 of 235 Old 10-11-2005, 08:12 PM
 
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Some of ours
No coloring the pictures on the TV.
Your vulva is not a good hiding place for things.
There is no such thing as a butt detector, no matter what your cousin said.
Don't put your fingers in your bottom, then in mommy's face.
Don't pinch the puppy's penis.
Don't pinch daddy's penis.
Don't sniff the dogs' butts.
Don't sniff other people's butts.
Don't bury your face in my butt, only to tell me it's stinky.
Mind your teeth when kissing the worms.
Never put your face in other people's bathroom plungers. Only your special
one at home.
Don't pull things out of the little trashcans in ladies' restroom stalls.
Stop putting spiders on the bed for daddy to see while he's sleeping.
You may only ask DADDY to "pull your finger." It's a daddy game.
When you have a poopy accident, you do NOT clean up by feeding it to the
dog. I don't care if she likes it, it'll make her sick. :P

Edited to add 2 of daddy's -
Urinals are not for handwashing,
We don't stick our heads in the hole in the port-a-potty for a "better look"
Don't give the fish baths
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#194 of 235 Old 10-11-2005, 08:18 PM
 
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no putting boogers on the walls.

i was so in shock that i actually had to say that to another human being.
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#195 of 235 Old 10-11-2005, 10:33 PM
 
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oh, some of these are hysterical!

dh came running when i burst out laughing after reading, 'don't touch the hole under the dog's tail' (or something like that-sooooooooooooo funny)


safety one: quiet body when you have food in your mouth (this covers jumping, hopping, running, dancing, somersaulting, etc).

don't touch ANYTHING in the stalls of public washrooms.
don't wipe your hands on your clothes or towels if you get something on them when you wipe yourself-wash them.

no tickly touches for mama (i HATE light pressue touches-they are like nails on a chalkboard for me and make me feel creepy-crawly!)

you may play with the creatures in the garden (snails, worms, etc) as long as you are gentle. we had to add,

no snails in your mouth (for our ds who popped 2 in while dh wasn't looking-ewwww)
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#196 of 235 Old 10-11-2005, 10:37 PM
 
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no pretend guns allowed...but alien blasters are okay
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#197 of 235 Old 10-11-2005, 11:54 PM
 
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These are cracking me up. I only have a few wacky ones I can add to the list:

1) Once toilet paper goes into the toilet, it stays in
2) Do not feed the dog toilet paper (don't ask me why she will eat it, but she thinks anything the 2 year old gives her must be good!)
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#198 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 02:49 PM
 
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Hehe, these are funny.

Some of our for our 18 mo:

No throwing all books that have turtles in them into the turtle's tank. He doesn't know how to read them, they are too heavy for him to carry, and it gets them really dirty.

No writing on the church pew with crayons or an ink pen

Some diapers don't go in the washing machine (What a mess when he put a disposable diaper in w/ his cloth ones and I didn't know until after the cycle finished!!!!)

No dipping a sock in the toilet and slurping the water out.

I know the cat brought a mouse onto the porch, but she didn't bring it for you.
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#199 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 02:56 PM
 
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No playing with your penis while we are making pancakes together.

Don't drink bathwater after peeing in it.

If you are goiing to be naked while you are eating you can't dig in your butt.

if you are going to pee out side, do it in the backyard, not the front porch.

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#200 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 09:42 PM
 
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what NOT to do when nursing:
experiment with how far a nipple can stretch.
squeeze nipples in order to squirt milk all over the room.
pull mama's shirt up over her head when nursing in a crowded subway car.

and

don't use teeth when eating mama's nose.

tricycles should crash into the couch (not people).
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#201 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 10:07 PM
 
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Wow...this is so great. I just said to DH, I thought we were the only ones who had a no pinching/hitting daddy's penis rule! And the other one about pulling fingers - you're so right, it IS a daddy game.

Some of ours:

No sucking on the vacuum cleaner hose
No plugging/unplugging anything - no matter how fun it is or how many sparks there are.
No eating the keyboard keys.

DS is only 13 months, so we don't have many yet, but I bet we will!

*~* A * Mama to C and A * *~* I blog - PM me for the URL
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#202 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 10:12 PM
 
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Only touch your own penis. Except for Mommy. I can touch all the penises.
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#203 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 10:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie
If you have an accident and get a towel from the bathroom to clean it up, kindly do NOT hang the pee towel back up where you found it. It makes Mama's hair smell yucky.
:LOL My girlfriend's kid did this, except it was poop, and her husband's hair. Which was so appropriate, because the guy's such a shithead!
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#204 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 11:14 PM
 
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"yes..you must wipe EVERYTIME"
"You may not bounce the baby in the bouncy chair" (picture a catapult)

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
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#205 of 235 Old 10-12-2005, 11:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hipumpkins
"yes..you must wipe EVERYTIME"
And for potty training dd.....Please do not attempt to wipe yourself after you've pooped. Let's work on getting the poop in the potty first and *then* we'll work on the wiping part. When you do it yourself, you end up with poop all over your hands and therefore the toilet and therefore your legs and therefore your clothing....and I get tired of cleaning all that poop!!
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#206 of 235 Old 10-13-2005, 10:53 AM
 
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No running over the rice crispies...

My dd gets the box of rice crispies out of the cupboard and runs over them with her ride on toy....brings a whole new meaning to snap crackle and pop!
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#207 of 235 Old 10-14-2005, 03:17 AM
 
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My craziest home rule to date is 'You can't eat Mama's cell phone" (he is 1 and he likes to try to eat my antenna)

My craziest rule for my preschoolers---the other day I had to tell one of them that I was NOT a climbing toy, thank you!

lovin DH since 1/04, SAHM to 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), and one 13 wk (10/13) just your average :ha ng multigenerational living family!!
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#208 of 235 Old 10-14-2005, 11:09 AM
 
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This is soo funny!

Ok heres ours

Only use a few sheets of toilet paper to wipe our bums, not the entire roll (yes we have had a couple incidents with the roll in it whole sate being used)

Only 3 max vitamin C's a day

The baby is not a horse, no riding him

No smelling daddy's feet ( yes my 2 yo likes to smell his feet, and they don't smell good, LOL)

No jumping on the bed when daddy is sleeping

No diving off the toilet into the bath tub

No horsy rides with daddy unless you are wearing a diaper or pants

No putting the baby under laundry baskets, he can not be a part of your zoo
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#209 of 235 Old 10-14-2005, 02:31 PM
 
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I second the TP one, my oldest used to put tons in there lol. My toddler just wants to unroll it, all over the place.

We made a new rule this week. For the 22 month old. No matter how much you love the baby, when he is in his bouncy seat, no laying on top of his to hug / kiss him. Same goes if he is in the swing, no swinging with him.
:LOL
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#210 of 235 Old 10-14-2005, 11:23 PM
 
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No driving motorcycles on the baby's forehead.
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