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#61 of 81 Old 03-03-2005, 11:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nycapmom

btw, he did not coin the phrase "attachment parenting" Kate Granju did, no?

I saw him using the phrase in his books before Granju had been published.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#62 of 81 Old 03-03-2005, 11:07 PM
 
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I stand corrected, thank you Momtwice. Another topic, but I would love to understand more of the origin and meaning behind the phrase Attachment Parenting. I have never really liked the phrase and prefer not to use IRL especially with the anti-AP crowd who already think AP moms are causing unhealthy attachments in their children. I have always assumed it came from Radical Attachment Disorder. Or as a response to.....
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#63 of 81 Old 03-03-2005, 11:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
I love Dr Sears all around I'm pretty conservative so I like his ideas
Do you agree with his statements about homosexuality?
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#64 of 81 Old 03-03-2005, 11:30 PM
 
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I will always hold a special place in my heart for Dr. Sears. I was given a copy of the Baby book almost 7 years ago when DP & I were newly pg and I am so greatful for it. Our parenting style is so different than the one I was raised in or the one my children's cousins experience. I *hope* I would have found it on my own (and given that I knew enough to get a midwife rather than an OB there is a good chance I would have) but I can never *know.*

I have become much more "radical" than Sear's at this point, but I do give them credit where credit is due. For one, their children are grown professionals which means that they, themselves are very old. I do not treat their comments on basically *anything* as contemporaries but as members of my parents (or grandparents) generation (I don't know how old they actually are, but DPs parents are only 55 & his grandparents 77, 77 & 80... he & Martha *have* to be closer in age to them than me)--- and for *that* generation his ideas are revolutionary.

For example, I *love* the Bradley Method of Childbirth, but I would NEVER read the book by Bradley without considering the time in which it was written. VERY very very sexist.

Additionally, Sears, from what I observe is a fairly conservative Christian. He definately has different views on the parent/child relationship, and on many other religous matters than I. I also take that into account.

For a long time he was the only Dr. out there really bucking "conventional" wisdom and I have to give him a for that.

I hope his view of homosexuality has changed I'll see if DP remembers that in the edition he owned (I think we've sold it).

 

 

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#65 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 12:37 AM
 
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Hmmm. I didn't realize he was so conservative. And the formula connection is becoming more disturbing to me. Can anyone give me a reference to his conservative attitudes? I thought he was liberal, but maybe I was assuming that because he is AP.

On another note, I'm uncomfortable with people talking about homosexuality in the same breath as morality. What is the connection? Like what is moral or immoral about hetersexuality or homosexuality?
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#66 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 12:48 AM
 
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WOW!!! This thread has been a real eye opener for me!!! These quotes from the Fathering book are so very disturbing to me!!! I will think twice before I recommed one of his books and hope his ideas have changed in the last twenty years! The fact that he endorses formula is CRAZY!!!! I guess you can't trust only one Baby Book huh?

Tara--mama to Riley (9/01) Nolan (4/04) and Finnegan (11/08). Unschooling Rocks!!!
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#67 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 06:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn
You can't disagree that I don't like it.
I disagree with you disagreeing with my disagreement of your opinion!
: : : : : Sorry, I'm a little sleep deprived.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanessa
Apparently when I was pg, I forgot to read enough books on parenting and instead read about labor and BF.
Me too!!!!!! I was prepared for labor, but then I had this little person, and I had failed to research everything after the labor was over. At least not as much as I should/could have. :

I don't agree with a lot of Dr. Sears opinions. Homosexuality, birthcontrol, vaccinations... etc. But I take that stuff with a grain of salt. We all have history, baggage, that colors our opinions of how things "should" be. He's an old upper class white christian. He's going to have opinions that reflect his baggage, but I'm not going to summarily dismiss all his advice, nor will I disregard the good that his advice has brought to society. I've never read or known anyone who I agree with 100%, I don't even agree with myself 100%. :
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#68 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 10:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by slinginhipmama
The fact that he endorses formula is CRAZY!!!!
Why is this crazy? Some babies have to drink formula. It's a fact of life, whether it's the best thing for baby or not. Why can't a widely-known, publicly recognizable pediatrician weigh in on that? Or do bottle-feeding moms not have a right to have their needs endorsed, too?

Namaste!
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#69 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 10:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TiredX2
I will always hold a special place in my heart for Dr. Sears.

I have become much more "radical" than Sear's at this point, but I do give them credit where credit is due. For one, their children are grown professionals which means that they, themselves are very old. I do not treat their comments on basically *anything* as contemporaries but as members of my parents (or grandparents) generation (I don't know how old they actually are, but DPs parents are only 55 & his grandparents 77, 77 & 80... he & Martha *have* to be closer in age to them than me)--- and for *that* generation his ideas are revolutionary.

I hope his view of homosexuality has changed I'll see if DP remembers that in the edition he owned (I think we've sold it).
My feelings exactly. And I just thank god that I wasn't writing books when I was saying things like, "If they're old enough to ask for it, or lift up your shirt, then that's just disgusting!" :LOL
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#70 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 10:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mamaduck
Guess I'm just sick and tired of male "experts" in general. Whether they are on target in their advice or not, they do not know what it is like to be a woman, to be a mother, and how to balance the sacrifices involved in both. IMO, men need to tread carefully when it comes to advising women, because a perceived status of dominance so often accompanies "expertise."



Well, I think its about experiences and culture -- not so much biology.But I think its interesting that you mention Leonard Cohen. Something prevents me from picking up that book Playful Parenting -- even though I'm sure it contains useful advice. It *bothers* me that a man is telling mothers to be more playful. Does he have *any idea* how difficult it is to be playful when you are completely brainfried???? And when every aspect of yourl life revolves around poop, pee, breastmilk, and dirty dishes????
I think you should give Playful Parenting a chance, mamaduck. As our resident GD guru, I would be very interested to hear what you think about it. I TOTALLY hear you about being sick and tired of male experts. But at the same time, if I want to challenge patriarchy and see men take an active, nurturing role in parenting, then I should be happy to see public models of men doing that. Dr Sears and Lawrence Cohen (Leonard Cohen is the brilliant, dark, singer/songwriter -- the idea of him "playfully parenting" is pretty hilarious :LOL ) are doing that. As others have pointed out, Sears puts too much on the mom for my tastes, and seems very locked into traditional gender roles. Cohen, on the other hand, is writing for moms and dads AND any other important adults in a kid's life, and he makes that clear. He also was a SAHD for a while. I haven't read the whole book yet, but I really like it so far, it is the least condescending parenting book I've read yet (tho I haven't read that many). And he does talk about gender roles and being conscious of helping boys to be more nurturing, sensitive, etc (stereotypically female stuff) and helping girls be more assertive, physical, etc (stereotypically male stuff).

Anyway, on Sears - -
As someone else said, he was a good starting point for me, but I take what I can use and leave the rest. Well, I still have the Baby Book on my shelf, it's a good reference for medical stuff and that kind of thing. But now that I have MDC, I know there are much better resources out there for all AP related things. If I had never foudn MDC, however, better I should have been reading Sears than listening to most people's advice.

That said, I also find him sexist (the homophobic comment saddens but does not surprise me) and condescending. We just need more people, more women especially, writing about this kind of stuff.
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#71 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 12:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by guerrillamama
if I want to challenge patriarchy and see men take an active, nurturing role in parenting, then I should be happy to see public models of men doing that.
I hear you guerillamama. But what I don't like about Sears is that I don't see him taking an active nurturing role in parenting. I see him writing about *how* people (especially mothers) should do that. And not writing about how the culture should support that. My impression is that his wife does/did most of the childcare. And he is the expert. And that is an old story.

Also on homosexuality, the ediiton I read said it was published in 2000, and I'm quite sure it used the word "aberrant." So it's not just like he was uninformed in the 80s and has changed a lot since then.
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#72 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 05:27 PM
 
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Wow, I am really, really shocked and unhappy to learn of his views on homosexuality. I will never be buying any of his books again. And I'm not the kind of person who goes around making big proclamations like that.


grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#73 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 08:17 PM
 
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Here's a link to a product review for one of Sears' books where he talks about homosexuality: If you scroll down to bottom of page you see a bunch of quotes from the book in one of the reviews.
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#74 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 10:13 PM
 
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Thanks for the link, chiedza.

Quote:
"The growing child should see that important family matters require a mutual decision-making process that involves both mom and dad, but I believe that dad is primarily responsible for making decisions." (p. 194)
Quote:
"I am personally concerned that our society tends to approve of lifestyles [sic!] such as homosexuality. Society sees this as an 'acceptable alternative.' I can accept a person as a homosexual without having to approve of the morality of homosexuality." (p. 208)
:Puke :Puke :Puke :Puke :Puke

Okely dokely. There goes all my respect for Dr Sears. I will not be recommending this bigot to anyone else ever again.
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#75 of 81 Old 03-04-2005, 10:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by chiedza
Here's a link to a product review for one of Sears' books where he talks about homosexuality: If you scroll down to bottom of page you see a bunch of quotes from the book in one of the reviews.
Thanks for the link. I followed it and thought the review was great. Here it is:



Dated and demeaning assumptions, November 12, 2000
Reviewer: A reader
Dr. Sears is the acknowledged leader in the attachment parenting movement, with many well-received books to his name. Like his other titles, _Becoming a Father_ emphasizes early bonding, positive discipline, and respect for the child's physical and emotional needs. To the extent that all fathers need to hear this message, this is an excellent book. So why the low rating? Because despite his child-positive message, Dr. Sears is caught in a time warp when it comes to models of masculinity. Underlying his arguments for an active role for fathers are assumptions that this reader found frustratingly rigid and occasionally downright offensive. An example:
"The growing child should see that important family matters require a mutual decision-making process that involves both mom and dad, but I believe that dad is primarily responsible for making decisions." (p. 194)

Even more troubling is the author's attitude toward homosexuality, which seems to be informed more by conservative religious values than by current medical knowledge:

"'I don't want my son to grow up to be a pansy,' exclaimed John, a new father. His sentiments are shared by most men." (p. 200)

For those readers who aren't already aware of the meaning--or should I say "demeaning"?--of this slur, Dr. Sears goes on to define a "pansy" as "an effeminate boy." Given the author's 1950s-style ideas of masculinity, I'd hate to think how he would judge a boy who, after watching his father wearing a younger sibling in a sling, asked for a doll to play with. He concludes:

"I am personally concerned that our society tends to approve of lifestyles [sic!] such as homosexuality. Society sees this as an 'acceptable alternative.' I can accept a person as a homosexual without having to approve of the morality of homosexuality." (p. 208)

If this "love the sinner, hate the sin" attitude reflects your own beliefs, you will probably get a lot out of this book. But if you take a more egalitarian view of male-female relationships and don't believe--and most mainstream doctors do not--that weak paternal role models "cause" homosexuality, you may want to look elsewhere for advice on fathering. To be fair, there is much of value in this book, but the truly helpful ideas can be gleaned from Sears's array of other works (such as _The Baby Book_) or from other attachment parenting guides, like Katie Granju's _Attachment Parenting_.
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#76 of 81 Old 03-05-2005, 03:25 AM
 
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Oh, yuck. I give up defending him.
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#77 of 81 Old 03-06-2005, 01:08 AM
 
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Shocking. I had no idea that Dr. Sears was so backwards. I still thank him for introducing me to AP, but I also cannot continue to defend him. Thanks for opening my eyes.
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#78 of 81 Old 03-06-2005, 02:32 AM
 
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i used to be an avid dr. sears follower untill i found out he is anti-homebirth...this really turned me off to him...seeing that i had a homebith i was quite offended when i read that he feels it is almost irresponible : ...whatever!
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#79 of 81 Old 03-09-2005, 09:12 AM
 
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I thought the Baby Book was okay, but hated the Discipline book. I recently swapped my copy away after only reading half of it. I also remember from the Baby Book that his views on vax are pretty unenlightened. It said something like, a lot of people are concerned about vax, but that's all a hoax, you need to vax to protect your baby. I also hate that Dr. Sears wrote the foreward to Aviva Jill Romm's book Naturally Healthy Babies and Children. While not being 100% anti-vax, she's def. not in line with Sears on that issue, but he's writing the forward to her book on babies' health?
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#80 of 81 Old 03-09-2005, 09:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by guerrillamama
I think you should give Playful Parenting a chance, mamaduck.
I think I should to..... just having a hard time bringing myself to it! LOL. Its on my wishlist.
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#81 of 81 Old 03-09-2005, 03:05 PM
 
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Now I remember something else that did not sit right about Playful Parenting (haven't read it in 1 or 2yrs). While reading the book I felt like I was being told that play was the answer to all 'issues' kids have and that we can solve everything through play. I also remember feeling guilty about not being able to play 24/7 with my kid. Even if he was a SAHD (never heard that) he does only have one child. I only have so many hands and so much brain space by the end of the day. It is worth reading though, despite its flaws.

:LOL Did I say Leonard Cohen? We are a family of writers/musicians so i'm not surprised I mixed up the names. Thank you guerillamama
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