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Originally Posted by canadiyank
I get what you're saying. And, as we've discovered, we all do things differently. I think it's important that our children know we're pleased/displeased etc. but there's a fine line between that and making them responsible for our feelings (i.e., I need to do that b/c it makes mommy happy). I try to put the focus more on that it's their responsibility (like you also mentioned). I just know I had a mother who withdrew when I was "bad" and that is very painful so I try to avoid making them responsible for my feelings...not saying you do that, I'm just sensitive to it, yk?
Originally Posted by monkey's mom
But, we've had plently of playdates with little ones around, and that seems to be a nice "built-in" reason that the kids understand, "We can't leave these Hot Wheels out b/c Baby Kyle could choke on them." They love to help take care of the little kids, so they're happy to oblige.
The little ones try to help, too--putting the Duplos away for example.
The kids who get put into time-out or get scolded for not cleaning up are the first ones to try to get out of it. And I can't really blame them. I try to get out of things that I perceive as unpleasant, too.
|Just like I would tell ANYONE living in my house(like DH) I will tell my kids that I do not like it when I have asked them to do something that is their responsiblity and I HAD TO DO IT INSTEAD. To me there is nothing wrong with saying I don't like having to do something that is their responsiblity!|
Originally Posted by nicole lisa
I know this isn't always doable, (when it comes to safety etc) but what about not doing something that's someone else's responsibility? If it's my son's responsibility to look after his toys, I am not going to do it for him - it's his responsibility. And if that means when he has friends over he can't access the playroom because it's a disaster and not safe for his friend's younger sister than they don't have access to it. If he wants to play in there with them he can clean it up first. But that's his space and his toys.
This comes up at work when people get mad that they always HAVE to do other people's dishes and it's not their responsibilty. And they're right - it's not - so why do they get stuck in having to be the ones who do it? So what if other people's dishes sit in the kitchen dirty? All that seems to happen is the ones doing the dishes out of an obligation that ins't theirs wind up always angry at it and resentful.
Again letting go of a responsibility that isn't yours is not always doable, but I think in most cases it is.
Originally Posted by MamaOui
With respect, Monkeys Mom, kids act differently in group settings and at play dates than they do in the day to day routine. My kids are very kind to their sister and to other children that they preceive as younger than them. They are happy to oblige sometimes. Putting my kids in time-out or scolding them are not my go-to tools to try and deal with the situation when one wants to be co-operative and the other one doesn't.
Edited to add, I am not taking what you say personally Monkeys Mom I'm just trying to find some advice that is applicable to my situation.
Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)
Originally Posted by DaednuSO
There's a part of me (and don't get me wrong, I believe in this whole GD business) that can't help but see this as rewarding bad behaviour.
If you have one child and limitless patience I'm sure that playing with, nurturing, etc. your child every minute of every day - that'll work.
What about in circumstances in which you have more than one child? Either you end up neglecting the one to constantly be on the other, the other will get the message that evil = attention, good = ignored and become just as evil, etc.
That's the ONLY drawback I see in this equation - and a very strong argument the wooden spoon brigade can make. I can't really discuss this with anyone not on here because the answer will be "after a few smacks the child WILL listen and settle down - rather than kill yourselves and neglect your other children, and not instilling discipline which isn't good for your child anyway."
So long as a child knows that bad behaviour will be rewarded with attention (and sometimes, with multiple kids, you can't just drop everything for that one child who needs "redirection") why listen? I'm asking for an honest answer to this - it's not a challenge. There's something to this gentle discipline I'm not getting. I see the "gentle" part but not the "discipline". Seems to me to be more about discipline avoidance.
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