Need Help!! about ds and "acting up" - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-13-2005, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lately it seems like all I say is, "well he's not hurting anyone." when he's having a 'spirited moment' such as drawing all over the white turkey with a pink highlighter...but my husband pointed out to me that he's not helping anyone either. Is this wrong? I mean, I told ds that we don't draw on our poor helpless turkey but I didn't take the highlighter away or anything. What should I have done?? Should I be expecting more goodness and kindness out of ds? He has his very kind moments and he's a very good boy with a good moral code...maybe he was just experimenting with the turkey? Dh got pretty angry at ds which turned an otherwise delightful afternoon into a crying meltdown drama. I didn't say anything to dh because I don't do that in front of ds (I wait until ds is asleep). Dh was looking at me like I should have done something. I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. What would you have done??? I am now being accused of "not helping" with ds. (!!)
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Old 03-14-2005, 01:26 AM
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Okay, I am assuming this is a live turkey?

I dunno, I don't think you have to constantly be *helping* all the time or you are doing a crap job know what I mean? Like, there are times where I just *am*...I am not hurting anyone, but I am not saving the world or doing a great deed or learning big lessons or whatever...I just *am*...

It you don't want the child drawing on the turkey with highlighter, you should probably take the highlighter away while the turkey is in the room..or whatever, at the same time, if the turkey is capable of walking/running away but just stood there while the child drew on it and didn't seem to mind a bit, and the highlighter isn't hurting i.e. is non toxic, non abrasive to skin etc* then what is the big deal and why get into a huge power struggle over it? I mean, it isn't ideal and I know you are not going to employ a "lets draw on turkey" day, but is it worth a huge power struggle?

I mean, maybe I am not *hard* enough or something, but I think to myself, is the kid going to grow up thinking it's okay to draw on turkeys as a form of entertainment because you didn't scold/teach/yell/punish...whatever solution your hubby suggests? I would bet not, I would bet your son was just experimenting....

Good luck to you!
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Old 03-14-2005, 05:24 AM
 
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I have a friend who says, "Age appropriate does not mean appropriate." I'm at a loss about the turkey, LOL (is it a pet?), but my point is that sometimes things are age appropriate. Experimenting with highlighters is definitely age-appropriate...drawing on things other than paper (turkeys, for example?) is not usually appropriate. So, yes, I would redirect with the highlighter (here, draw on this paper instead) or take it away and distract with a different toy and prevent it from happening next time by putting it in a place he can't get it.

I reread your post and noticed you said you told him to stop but didn't do anything about it...did he stop? If not, I would make my words mean something and use one of my two solutions above, depending on the situation. If he did stop, I would let it drop...he stopped, KWIM? Sometimes it's tough for us not to want to "drive the point home" by making the child feel bad/repentent. If he stopped, he stopped...at his age you could talk later why it wasn't appropriate. If he didn't stop and he needed to, then act on your words. If you really don't think he needs to stop, then try not to say anything in the first place... if it doesn't bother you, don't worry about it. If it's bothering dh then he needs to meet his own needs by finding a solution with himself and ds.

Good luck, I know it's frustrating!

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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Old 03-14-2005, 08:49 AM
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:LOL Sorry, I'm trying to picture a white turkey with highlighter on it. If this had happened at our house I would probably tell dc that this isn't a gentle way to treat an animal and if he had continued I would put the marker up. I doubt that the marker was harmful to the turkey, but I think it is best to be consistent with how we treat our pets. KWIM
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Old 03-15-2005, 07:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiyank
I reread your post and noticed you said you told him to stop but didn't do anything about it...did he stop?
Yes! he did, he stopped even with highlighter still in hand...that's why I dropped it. And he *knows* we don't treat our pets mean, AND the turkey didn't mind it one single bit--just got a little pink tinge to his otherwise white feathers...Apparently Dh saw it necessary to drive it home in the form of a meltdown. Our parenting styles are SO different it scares me sometimes! I just want to do what is best for ds--NOT my own personal control issues, KWIM?
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Old 03-15-2005, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by our veggie baby
I dunno, I don't think you have to constantly be *helping* all the time or you are doing a crap job know what I mean? Like, there are times where I just *am*...I am not hurting anyone, but I am not saving the world or doing a great deed or learning big lessons or whatever...I just *am*...
:LOL
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Old 03-16-2005, 04:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by chickiepickie
Yes! he did, he stopped even with highlighter still in hand...that's why I dropped it. And he *knows* we don't treat our pets mean, AND the turkey didn't mind it one single bit--just got a little pink tinge to his otherwise white feathers...Apparently Dh saw it necessary to drive it home in the form of a meltdown. Our parenting styles are SO different it scares me sometimes! I just want to do what is best for ds--NOT my own personal control issues, KWIM?
I agree...if he stopped, he stopped.

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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