Raising another non-GD generation - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-05-2005, 06:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It is depressing to me that in spite of all the good books, and all the support which is available hardly a day goes by without other parents I know telling their children "Tu veux la fessée?" (Do you want me to smack you?) or "Do you want to make me angry?". In Switzerland, where I live, moms feel they have been successful at breastfeeding when they have nursed for 3 months. Babies are supposed to sleep through by age 6 months, and sleep through is not the Elizabeth Pantley's definition of 5 hours, but 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. (= a lot of CIO). Light spanking - which is in fact more a form of shaming than physically hurting - or punishments - like loss of Game Boy or TV privileges -are basically the only rule in all the families I know. If it were not for this forum, I would think I am the only one person trying a different approach. What kind of a generation are we raising?
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Old 04-05-2005, 08:21 AM
 
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One just a little better than the one before.
Really, I believe this. Our generation was raised even worse. The "don't pick a crying baby up" mentality was dominant. The idea that not hitting children would create criminals was common.
So, I believe and I hope, things have improved a little...not much, mind you, but a little...
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Old 04-05-2005, 11:42 AM
 
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I want to believe that (as a society) we are becoming gentler with our babies--research increasingly supports ap practices. Hopefully, more babies are breastfed longer, fewer parents are afraid to to "spoil" babies by holding, etc.

I think society has a much farther way to go with children. Punishment is the norm--not punishing is considered to be permissive. People do not yet understand the paradigm of problem solving with kids, rather than rewarding and punishing behavior to control them. In our schools (here in FL, also in PA where I grew up), the "discipline code" is distributed on the first day of school. Offense:consequence. All laid out. Circumstances? Not important. Blah.
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Old 04-05-2005, 12:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama
In our schools (here in FL, also in PA where I grew up), the "discipline code" is distributed on the first day of school. Offense:consequence. All laid out. Circumstances? Not important. Blah.
And here the consequence could be "paddling." Yes, in the schools, by a teacher, or principal, or even a substitute. Makes me want to vomit. This absolutely flies in the face of everything written about effective teaching and everything taught in good teacher training programs, and yet ...
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Old 04-05-2005, 05:00 PM
 
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Hey there I live in the Czech Republic where kids are routinely shamed and spanked (hard!) in public for crying or otherwise expressing emotions (what's that phrase in french - tete a clac -, asked "are you stupid or what?" told "you're a pig" or "don't annoy me" or "don't make me angry" -- so i feel your pain gaialice. Every day I see people smoking in cars & restaurants with no ventilation with babies right next to them. My 85 year old neighbor told me today I "trained" my son to want to be held by wearing him and never putting him in a baby carriage for the first six months of his life. "In my day," she said, "we nursed them then put them in the bassinet until it was time to nurse again." I told her nature trained my baby to want to be held, and that she untrained her baby from its biological predispositions! I'm just so tired of hearing how kids should be "controlled", as if they are just robots we can and should program to do what we want.
Sorry for that vent!
That said, I have to say I think that proportionately there really are more parents who are consciously thinking about what it means to bring up another human being. So I have to agree that it's looking way better!
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Old 04-06-2005, 07:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks all of you for the replies.. you are right that things are better ... they do get better generation after generation indeed... if you think that in middle class families it was common practice to have a nourrice nurse the baby instead of the mother ... how bad could it be for the two babies.... worst of all of course for the one that the woman had to abandon, in order to care for the rich baby, but actually also for the one that missed the chance to be nursed by his own mom and to build a relationship with her....this was not the middle ages, my own mom was nursed by a nourrice! Myself I was left to CIO at age 3 months... and my mom is a very gentle soul, she hated to do that, but she just had to do that with her 4 children, poor mom, she had no choice, I understand sometimes that she is very envious of the freedom I have to raise my kids the way I like. When she was a mon, cosleeping was just not allowed! I just get sooooo disappointed at times....with my own generation... but yeah you are right... sorry for venting....
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