Reward for potty use? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-20-2005, 11:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How old are all these kids when they're potty training? Why not just do like me? Wait four years (or however long) till child is good & ready on his or her own and then have no accidents afterwards?

You all are not going to go for that, are you? Ah well. I tried. :LOL
I swear to you, I did NOTHING to get him to potty train. Well, OK, I had a potty there on the floor for him, and once in a while I'd ask him if he wanted to pee in it, but I hadn't even brought it up in at least a month. Out of the blue one day he just started telling me he had to pee, so we'd go do it on the potty. Literally, one day he was peeing in his diapers, the next day he wasn't, completely of his own free will. I think he had maybe one or two pee accidents in the beginning, but it's been almost a month now and he stays dry, even at night.

So that's why I want to help him over the poop hurdle. I don't want to pressure him or make a biig deal out of it, but if he doesn't want to wear diapers, and he doesn't want to poop in the toilet... something has to give, yk?
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Old 05-20-2005, 11:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PM
How old are all these kids when they're potty training? Why not just do like me? Wait four years (or however long) till child is good & ready on his or her own and then have no accidents afterwards?

You all are not going to go for that, are you? Ah well. I tried. :LOL
Ok, I essentially did this with DS 1. This poor child is so disassociated from his body's messages about elimination. At five and a half, he still has pee accidents. That scared me right to EC with DS2!

Eli is 2.5
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Old 05-20-2005, 11:20 PM
 
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Don't get me wrong, my 5 yo uses the potty, but if he's playing or busy, oopsie!
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Old 05-21-2005, 01:24 AM
 
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I really like that bubble blowing idea! Ds only has accidents now when he is too impatient to wait for the poop to come. He'll sit on the potty, then hop right up and say "There's no poop."

He did this just last week (after going without an accident for months) and pooped once on the carpeted floor, then AGAIN on the couch.

We have three toilets in our house, and he likes "the soft potty." Which is in the bathroom farthest from all other rooms, of course. And we have cheap off-white carpet that stains if you look at it and imagine a mess.
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:20 AM
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I was joking. But it is good for the mind to see different experiences.
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by PM
I was joking. But it is good for the mind to see different experiences.
I got that you were joking, but your joke is pretty much the current stance of pediatricians, backed up by our fabulous disposable diaper industry. Just wait, just wait!! Bah!!
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:29 AM
 
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I find this thread very helpful. Thank you.

Can someone help me out though...

What about a dc that is purposefully peeing on the floor? He absolutely knows what he is doing. He runs in another room and will pee.

Do you think I should try the rewards system with that?

Right now the momma-freaking-out or the momma-ignoring-it-systems have both failed.


Any suggestions?

What if I just suggested... if you pee in the potty all day today, you can pick out some special kid underwear at the store.... something like that.
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:49 AM
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Pamelamama -- It was a bad joke. Really stupid. I didn't know that's their stance -- I'm too far-removed from western society! Sorry everyone.
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Old 05-21-2005, 03:11 AM
 
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(I wasnt' offended)

YOu find 'quizzes' like this one: http://toddlerstoday.com/resources/articles/ttquiz.htm

Oh, and here's the AAP link, check the bullet points for readiness: http://www.aap.org/pubed/ZZZR6LONH4C.htm?&sub_cat=1

They basically want you to wait until your kid shows all these readiness signs before you plunge in. Kid can pull up pants, kid cares about being clean and dry, kid is aware of bodily functions, etc. So I'm saying, if you wait until your kid does all these things on his/her own, the kid may very well be four years old! That's what totally threw me toward EC for Eli (part time anyway) and I still say it's nuts, even for just two years, to teach a kid to ignore bodily functions and then one day just boom: hey kid now I want you to sense those things you've been ignoring and behave in a completely different fashion! EC moms will totally disagree with so much of the AAP stuff.

Oops, I think I'm going a little OT here.
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Old 05-21-2005, 05:54 AM
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Mine was 4 years old (well, 2 weeks shy).
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Old 05-21-2005, 03:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pamelamama
(I wasnt' offended)

YOu find 'quizzes' like this one: http://toddlerstoday.com/resources/articles/ttquiz.htm

Oh, and here's the AAP link, check the bullet points for readiness: http://www.aap.org/pubed/ZZZR6LONH4C.htm?&sub_cat=1

They basically want you to wait until your kid shows all these readiness signs before you plunge in. Kid can pull up pants, kid cares about being clean and dry, kid is aware of bodily functions, etc. So I'm saying, if you wait until your kid does all these things on his/her own, the kid may very well be four years old! That's what totally threw me toward EC for Eli (part time anyway) and I still say it's nuts, even for just two years, to teach a kid to ignore bodily functions and then one day just boom: hey kid now I want you to sense those things you've been ignoring and behave in a completely different fashion! EC moms will totally disagree with so much of the AAP stuff.

Oops, I think I'm going a little OT here.

Sorry, I really liked this way. And my kids after their initial fear of pooping in the potty, were diaper free and NEVER had an accident (3.2 years 3.1 years and 2.7 years). This way absolutely felt "right" to me.
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Old 05-21-2005, 04:10 PM
 
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Every kid is different and every family is different. I respect your right to make the choices that work for your family!!
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Old 05-21-2005, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree, for me it seemed easy and natural to wait until DS decided himself that he was ready. I thought he might be heading in that direction because for the past few months, he started to want to be changed as soon as he peed in his diaper. He never used to care before.

I am sure different approaches work for different kids, though. I know we can all agree that it is ultimately up to the child whether to use the toilet or not, like sleeping and eating they have total control over it - we can only give them the space/tools/opportunities for sleeping, eating, pooping, etc. but whether they do it or not is up to them.

The more I think about it, I may have figured out what precipitated the change. Just before he potty trained, we were fixing our bathroom so we didn't have a toilet for about a week and a half. DS used a pickle jar, and I used DS's potty for peeing. DS was immensely interested in both these activities, and it was soon after that he stopped peeing in his diapers. TMI I know, but hey, maybe it'll help some other mama - all you have to do is use the potty yourself and they'll get the idea. Or maybe it was seeing what great lengths DH and I went to, to avoid peeing in our pants, that convinced him.

To make the image even more entertaining, I am 8 months pregnant. (DS is 2.5, BTW.)
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Old 05-21-2005, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Every kid is different and every family is different. I respect your right to make the choices that work for your family!!
Absolutely!
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Old 05-22-2005, 06:04 PM
 
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nak

yep, we just needed incentive to get over the initial hump

at 3.5yo, ds knew when he had to go - would ask for a diaper. declined my numerous offers to use the toilet (we never had a little potty)

i bought some jelly beans (from the health food store to ease my bribery guilt ), put them in some tupperware in the bathroom. he didn't care. they sat there for a month or so. one day he asked for a diaper to pee, i again offered the toilet and a jellybean. he said okay, and i almost fell over from shock when he peed in the toilet (standing up at his insistence)

for about a month we did 1 jellybean for trying, 2 for pee, 3 for poop. jellybeans ran out before poop was mastered, but i never bought anymore. cleaned a lot of poopy underwear for another month or so, but now he's 100%. he also decided during that time that he didn't need a diaper at night.
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Old 05-22-2005, 07:11 PM
 
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This is very a interesting thread. My older child is 4 and has yet to use the potty. Every so often we ask him if he would like to try and he says no so we don't push it. One day I asked him and then said if he did try to pee on the potty we should celebrate. I said "ds what would you like to do to celebrate your first time peeing in the potty?". He said "buy a toy". I said "ok that sounds like a good idea" Nothing ever came of it. I can't honestly imagine giving him candy for going on the toilet but that isn't to say it's wrong for others, of course. Each child is different and so potty learning needs to be approached accordingly. Mine just doesn't go for even the slightest hint of manipulation/coercion. He is a child who really responds to logic and reason. He is an interesting character. Tooth brushing was never an issue as he understood from an early age how important dental health was in detail. Same with taking medicine or going to the Dr., etc, etc. He simply does not want to use the potty and no amount of logic works in this case as there isn't truly a compelling reason for him to switch - short of me tossing all of his diapers and forcing him to wear underwear. I have to believe that others are right when they say their older children potty learned in one day and never had an accident after that day At least I hope that will be the case.
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Old 05-22-2005, 07:22 PM
 
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Mine just doesn't go for even the slightest hint of manipulation/coercion. He is a child who really responds to logic and reason. He is an interesting character.
That's funny - I would describe ds1 as exactly the same. The problem I ran up against is that there was no real logic or reason why he shouldn't just continue to pee and poop in diapers instead of the toilet. I could probably have continued to wait it out, but with the baby it was becoming really difficult to be changing two in diapers. Not impossible by any stretch, but hard enough that I was really wanting him to use the toilet!

I don't actually usually tell people about the jelly bean thing because it's not something that I "recommend" as a tactic for potty training. If anyone asks, my advice is to just let them decide when they're ready, even though I wasn't exactly able to do that.
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Old 05-22-2005, 07:29 PM
 
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Oh mama I totally understand I have two in diapers and it isn't easy. I think whatever works, and is gentle, is good in my book

Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby
That's funny - I would describe ds1 as exactly the same. The problem I ran up against is that there was no real logic or reason why he shouldn't just continue to pee and poop in diapers instead of the toilet. I could probably have continued to wait it out, but with the baby it was becoming really difficult to be changing two in diapers. Not impossible by any stretch, but hard enough that I was really wanting him to use the toilet!

I don't actually usually tell people about the jelly bean thing because it's not something that I "recommend" as a tactic for potty training. If anyone asks, my advice is to just let them decide when they're ready, even though I wasn't exactly able to do that.
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Old 05-22-2005, 10:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thought I'd post an update, in case anyone is following this little saga. :LOL

I think I posted about telling DS he could have a present when he pooped in the toilet, a few days ago. He was interested but has yet to poop in the toilet. He brought up the present a few times, and I just told him he could have it after he pooped, no big deal just matter-of-fact. He stopped mentioning the subject and like I said has not pooped in the toilet so I am taking all this as signs that he is just not ready to make that step yet. I have decided to back off. So for now, he pees in the toilet but poops in the underwear. I am trying to decide whether to start using pull-ups full time until he starts using the toilet for #2, but that is probably a topic more for the toddler board than here.

Anyway, I think I will keep the little present for when he does poop in the toilet some day (it's just a pack of balloons) and just give it to him then, in case he remembers me telling him he could have it. Then we'll see where we go from there, but I have a feeling he'll just decide on his own like he did with the pee and quite frankly I don't think the enticement of a reward is going to make any difference. So until then I am resigned to soaking a lot of poopy underwear.

BTW, my DS is the logical type too.
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Old 05-23-2005, 02:06 PM
 
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M&Ms did the trick here. It worked like a charm in less than one day.
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