Originally Posted by BelovedK
There is a family history of bipolar disorder in our family as well as suicides and it scares me . DS has mentioned "hating" himself and that life is not worth living" and other things about wanting to die. He even told me that he was mad at me for giving birth to him ...those were his exact words too
Ok, this sets off a HUGE red flag for me. If your son is open to it, or even if he isn't, I would suggest speaking with a doctor about meds. But I would definitly make sure to find someone who isn't going to medicate, just to medicate. Maybe someone trusted by the therepist he is already seeing. If he truely does have a medical problem then this whole situation makes a lot of sence.
Depression is extremely common during and after puberty. That is when your hormones and your body chemistry start to change. If he is saying he hates himself and that he wants to die, those aren't just empty threats, he actually FEELS that way. He isn't trying to hurt you or trying to win the argument, he really feels so sad in side that he does wish he was never born. This doesn't mean he is suicidal, because most people
who kill themselves never say a word, so it is actually a good thing that he is saying this to you. It probably
means he wants to die, but he doesn't want to take his own life (it may not make a lot of sence, but I swear it does make sence to the person feeling/saying it).
Ok, now my personal experience. I always remember being depressed, I didn't know what it was and I just assumed everyone felt like that. I would pretend to be happy at school or family functions, but when I got home I would become a different person. Then puberty hit. I use to tell my mom that I wish I was dead and that she doesn't want me, maybe I should go live with my dad, I wish I was never born etc. My mom saw this as normal teenage rebelion and did nothing. She mentioned once about taking me to counceling and I was secretly thrilled, but it never happened. Fast forward 6 years later with no treatment, I started self injury. It is very common for teens who are depressed to turn to drugs, alcohol, drinking, smoking, self injury, sex and other self destructive behaviors to deal with how sad they are feeling inside.
You may also want to either speak with his therepist and tell her the things he is saying, or try and have a joint session with your DS. He may only be telling her things like "My mom is so terrible....." or "Today my dad made me do ......" he may not be telling her that he wants to die and wishes he was never born. Or if you think your DS will listen to you try sitting down and talking to him, in a calm, relaxed, neutral environment. Maybe a picnic at the park? Just the two of you. Ask him if he really feels like he wants to die and wishes he was never born. Hopefully he will be open and honest with you, this will make things a lot easier. If he tells you how he is feeling inside you can access whether he needs more intensive therepy or not. If he tells you "Mom, I don't know whats wrong with me. I am so sad I wish I was dead and didn't have to go through this everyday." or something even remotly similiar, then he definitly needs help. If he says (and you truely believe him) "I get upset when we argue and I say things I don't mean to try and hurt you." then he may not be that depressed, or he may be trying to hide it, it's so hard to tell.
You can also take this opportunity to talk to him about going to a meds doctor or another therepist who can help him deal with what he is feeling inside. If he really feels these things then this will probably be a releif that he might actually get help, and feel like life is worth living.
Lastly, since bipolar runs in your family you will want to mention that to any therepist. Bipolar is a whole nother can of worms when compared to depression. Bipolar needs meds, period. There is no coundeling that will fix it. It is a chemical imbalace that causes high highs, and low lows, though I am sure you already know.
I hope I am not out in left field on this but when I read that paragraph I felt like it was me 10 years ago. If your son really feels these things it is good that he is telling you and that you are finding out early and doing something about. Because the longer depression is left untreated the worse it will get. I truely feel had my mom taken me to therepy when I was 12 it never would have led to self injury and my depression would have never esculated as much as it did. Hope I was of some help.