gd way to deal with whining? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-03-2005, 02:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dd has been a major whiner lately, and I'll admit I've been giving into her lately. I get so irritated, and I know she does it when she's bored. We've been down to one car lately, so we've been homebound alot. I do give her activities, she does play outside. But when I cannot devote 100% of my energy to her she gets whiny. Especially when I talk on the phone. Drives me nuts! any suggestions?

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Old 08-03-2005, 09:57 AM
 
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Whining is my button But I know if I give in to it I've just reinforced it and it's going to happen more and more and more...So, I try in a neutral voice to ask her to use her normal voice. Depending on the situation I'll empathize with her feelings too. It won't last forever though

Oh and phone time...for a period of time I made phone calls around her schedule. She's now old enough that I can talk on the phone when she's awake (briefly - 10-20 min) but when she asks for my attention I tell her I will give it to her as soon as I am done talking to X.
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Old 08-03-2005, 11:49 AM
 
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Fortunately neither of my boys have been big whiners (they have found plain old screaming and carrying on more effective! lol)
But when they have whined I say " my ears can't understand you when you use that voice...I need you to use your big boy voice" and I keep repeating that until they find their non whiney voice. It works most times.
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Old 08-03-2005, 03:03 PM
 
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Whining is an issue for us, too. I spend a lot of time praising the 'normal voice' when he uses it ("You just asked for that with a calm voice, no whining! It's so much easier for me to help you that way."). And a lot of time telling him, "You don't need to whine to get what you want". When he whines, I tell him that I can help him when he asks with a calm voice. Sometimes I resort to humor, "I can't hear you through that whine! Hello, hello, anybody home? I thought I just heard something, but there was so much whine, I'm not sure. Did you say you want spinach? A nap? What was that?" etc.

Just recently, after, oh, a year of this, I'm finding him occasionally calming himself down without being asked.
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Old 08-03-2005, 03:25 PM
 
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I say "Man, that tone is bugging me. Could you use a normal voice?"

But mine couldn't talk at all at 2, came along during her 3 year, so I would have been delighted to hear words in any tone.

Now she's 4 and pretty much talks all the time.

My kids hate it when I talk on the phone. Email is totally my friend. I can sometimes make errand-type calls from the cell in the car.
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Old 08-03-2005, 05:57 PM
 
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I tell my son that I don't understand him when he whines, and I only respond to requests given in a normal tone.
we dont get much whining any more.
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Old 08-03-2005, 06:11 PM
 
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We do the "I can't understand you when you whine" thing too, although as my dd has gotten a little older (she's almost four) I can just ask her "Are you whining" and she will almost immediately change her tone and use a normal voice. Of course there have also been times when I've asked "Are you whining?" and she whine back to me "Yeeesss!" :LOL

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Old 08-03-2005, 06:19 PM
 
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Stacymom,
LOL my oldest DD did the same thing. She is 13 and will still whine on occasion and I have done the same thing. "Are you whining?"
"Has it ever helped you yet?" LOL
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Old 08-03-2005, 06:21 PM
 
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Mine still goes through whiney times when she's feeling clingy. Umm, I'm afraid I might too.... :
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Old 08-03-2005, 06:27 PM
 
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My dd (5) has been a champion whiner lately. Bugs me to know end. I have done the "I can't understand what you are saying when you whine" the "I'm sorry but I don't understand whinese" "Please use your normal voice so I can help you" and yesterday I finally resorted to saying "If keep whining at me I am going to whine back" and proceeded to do so. My darling daughter was none to pleased to have everything I said to her be a major whine. She even whined at me to stop. After about 10 minutes of this she stopped. My ds, on the other hand, thought this was the funniest thing ever.

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Old 08-04-2005, 08:11 AM
 
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I usually just say something along the lines of "can you use your nice voice when you're talking to me, please". But the phone thing annoys the heck out of me - and they KNOW it!!!
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Old 08-04-2005, 07:23 PM
 
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Well don't do what I did walking out the door to work earlier this week, which was to scream quite loudly "______ STOP WHINING!"

:

It worked, but I felt like crap all morning. I've been trying to rehearse in my head what to do when I get into that situation again.

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Old 08-04-2005, 07:32 PM
 
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I used to say, "Uh-oh, you turned into a whinosaur (or whinoceros)! What are we going to do?!?" and tickle her or act all surprised and look in her ears and stuff, but now she doesn't think it's funny anymore, so I just say, "I'm sorry, but it's hard to understand what you're saying when you talk like that."

I do think it's important to gently tell them when they're whining so that they understand exactly what it sounds like.

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Old 08-04-2005, 07:57 PM
 
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I often say sometthing along the lines of "You sound like you are really needing something. But, I am not sure what because I could not understand you. Can you repeat what you said?" That often changes their tone without my "admitting" to the whining. Does that make sense? It validates that I am aware they have a need. Usually I hear whining because they are not getting the attention they need.
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Old 08-04-2005, 08:28 PM
 
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Not to be a big jerk or anything, but I question the "I can't understand you when you whine" approach...unless the whining is so intense that you honestly can't understand them. Just because with an older kid, won't they know that you do hear their words?

I've talked to mykid about it when she isn't whining, and another way I'v dealt with it is to just model for her, ie, she whines "I wants some soymilk!" and I say back to her, I'd like to hear, mom, i'd like some soymilk please. Often, she'll re-say it.
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Old 08-04-2005, 08:47 PM
 
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I say, in a very calm voice, "I will be happy to listen to you when your voice is as calm as mine".,

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Old 08-04-2005, 09:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sadie_sabot
Not to be a big jerk or anything, but I question the "I can't understand you when you whine" approach...unless the whining is so intense that you honestly can't understand them. Just because with an older kid, won't they know that you do hear their words?
Yeah, I don't do the cutesy lies either. I say (usually gritting my teeth because it's one of those days) "That tone of voice is really getting on my nerves." Or I'll do like you and straight out say, "I prefer to be asked like this ..."
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Old 08-05-2005, 04:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you! wonderful suggestions! I think I've been using the wrong approach. bnatensarah, I love the whinosaur and whinosaurus! that is too cute

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Old 08-06-2005, 04:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kewb
"I'm sorry but I don't understand whinese"

That had me laughing so hard I was afraid I was going to wake my ds up from his nap!
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