Discipline for destructive and violent 4 year old - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 08-15-2005, 10:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When my soon to be four year old ds doesn't get his way he gets really mean. We are getting pretty weary of his behavior and frankly, I'm starting to wonder if this is normal. He slams doors, throws things, kicks the wall, floor, us, his sister, throws toys and anything within reach if he gets angry. Yesterday he threw medium size wooden chair across the kitchen. I got a really bad report from daycare Friday, he threw a chair there too and kicked the wall and threw toys, kinda dangerous too when there is a baby who goes there.
He is really into pulling sisters hair, she has looong hair and he grabs handfuls and just pulls til hair comes out.
I just wonder how others would deal with this.
There doesn't seem to be any reason he is acting out, other than he isn't getting his way. We are really hesitant to take him out in public because of his constant meltdowns.
Needless to say, he is an incredibly exhausting child that pretty much drains me every single day.
ETA...we have many postive happy joyful moments every day too. He is like Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde. He actually laughs and laughs when he pulls hair, he delights in it. Very frustrating.
Sorry so long.

 Mommy to Emily (16), Cal (12) and Claire Bear (3)
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#2 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 12:40 AM
 
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Kelli, you should take a tour of this thread...some incredibly smart momma's offering great advice to this troubled momma.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=326920

Sue
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#3 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 12:43 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. It must be absolutely exhausting.

I don't know whether this falls into "normal" or not. I'm still adjusting to the insanity of age 3, lol. It does sort of raise flags for me regarding food issues - allergies and sensitivities. There are mamas here more experienced with this than I am. Perhaps they can offer specifics. Things like sugar and dairy are usual culprits. Behaviour is very much a potential effect of food sensitivities though.

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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#4 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 05:07 AM
 
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I'm in a similar situation with my 4 year old sweetheart...I can't post more right now but my only advice would be to cut out as much sugar from his diet as possible. Try it for a couple of days and see if there is any change in the way he feels. We're only on day two and it's been remarkable...

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#5 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 08:24 AM
 
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Has he always been this intense, or is this behavior "new?"
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#6 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 11:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, he's always been this intense. As a baby he was laidback, but did the army crawl at 5 months and started getting into stuff. He walked at 10 months, he pretty much just ran as soon as his feet hit the floor.
When he was 13 months he was climbing the ladder to the top bunk of our dd's bed, so we had to take the beds apart.
He can ride a two wheeler already w/o training wheels and he isn't yet four! VERY active. When he was two he threw an empty pasta sauce jar at my dd, shattering glass all over the garage. He has kicked me and slapped me over and over in my efforts to redirect, etc. By the end of the day I feel like I've been in a foxhole. He's getting bigger and stronger too. He doesn't seem to 'listen' or have reasoning skills, when I tell him we don't pull hair he just asks "why?" I say because it hurts, he asks "why?" and on and on. He doesn't 'get it' at all. Thus, he makes disciplining him almost impossible, that is, nothing works.

Food: I have posted many threads about his food allergies. He is anaphalactic to milk, nuts, peanuts and allergic to eggs, melon, rice.
He has some sensitivity to colors/flavors too. However, in my 'field' testing, when he is at all day activities (recent b-day parties, open houses, etc) and eating 'junk' (mostly popsicles since he cannot have regular candy) and kool aid, he is acts fine. In fact, the other week we were at a b-day party of my best friends dd, and he had eaten at least 2 popsicles and some starburst...someone commented on how he was 'the best behaved' four year old they've ever seen.
So, if he is sensitive to sugar/colors/flavors, then it's only when he is at home that it manifests. Puzzling.
He is on a strict diet already. I'm trying to reduce sugar to nill, but dd can have it so unless the entire family is sugar free then it won't work.
Also, mold allergies play a part in behavior changes and he is highly allergic to mold, indoor and out and is on a daily steroid inhaler because he's asthmatic as well. So, aside from living in a plastic bubble, I don't know what else to do to keep him allergy free since mold is everywhere and we live in the woods on a lake.
So exhausting! I'll check the other thread, TY!!
PS, anyone want to babysit?? :LOL

 Mommy to Emily (16), Cal (12) and Claire Bear (3)
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#7 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 03:23 PM
 
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Could the steroid inhaler be affecting him? I'm not sure how that works, but I had to be on steroids once for a skin rash, and I was EVIL for two weeks! (Just ask my DH!) Obviously, even if this is the cause you can't just stop the inhaler, but maybe his doctor would have some ideas? At any rate, I hope you can get some kind of relief - it sounds like a very exhausting situation!
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#8 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 05:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think the inhaler makes him hyper, it's a maintenence med for asthma, and I've already been yelled at once by his dr for not giving it to him. He was hospitalized last winter for wheezing.
The steroid you took for your rash was probably Prelone, and I agree it is evil stuff....ds becomes moodier, strung out...

I suspect it's the food, the tiny bit of sugar he does get and the mold allergy. We've sorta accepted that this is just how life is and hopefully things will get easier.

Just a bit depressing when I read some of the GD threads and some moms say how their kid has only had one meltdown in the grocery store/public. I wish I could say that!

 Mommy to Emily (16), Cal (12) and Claire Bear (3)
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#9 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 06:59 PM
 
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How does he sleep? What kind of schedule are you on at home? Is there any negativity between you and your spouse? Is Dad around to spend positive one-on-one time with him? Do you have time away from your son?

Obviously these are just questions you can ask yourself...no need for public answers.

Lack of sleep can make even the most placid child a monster...at 4 he should probably be getting 10 + hours a day...he may even have a nap (baby steps).

Also...have you ever spoken with a homeopath? He sounds like a Chamomilla tempermant to me...might help to have him treated homeopathically.

HTH,

Lisa
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#10 of 10 Old 08-16-2005, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Lisa, I might check into the homeopath stuff. A friend at the kids daycare did NAET allergy treatment but her ds's allergies were mild compared to our ds and she said it might not be as effective for him due to that.

Generally, he's a good sleeper, he's still in our room, thus he sleeps all night. LOL.
He is inconsistent though, sometimes he is wired until 10:30pm and beyond, esp. if he has napped at daycare. Other times he is out at 7:30pm like last night and slept 12 hours and napped today at daycare.

I work 3 days a week, the only difference is he will sometimes nap at daycare and he rarely naps when he is home.

 Mommy to Emily (16), Cal (12) and Claire Bear (3)
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