Short tempered GD tribe? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-28-2005, 04:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is my first (I think) post in GD. I'm just wondering if there are any other short fused mamas out there.

I was raised in a home with a short fuse (my dad's) and I definitely inherited it. I can't stand commotion or chaos, screaming, whining, fighting, they all push me over the edge. My Dad was a screamer and while he never touched us or called us names or swore the sheer volume of his yelling felt like abuse. His moods ruled our house. I see so much of my dad in myself and I need to change it before I pass on the legacy.

Sometimes I feel like I don't really need to learn how to discipline my kids, I need to learn how to discipline myself.

Anyone else out there like me? Anyone have some good newbie resources?

Amy: Certified Professional Midwife and mom to Max (11) and Stella (6).
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Old 08-28-2005, 06:08 PM
 
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I lack patience as well. I used to be very patient but am very pressured lately. Many different situations which makes me on edge all the time.
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Old 08-28-2005, 06:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheena
This is my first (I think) post in GD. I'm just wondering if there are any other short fused mamas out there.

Sometimes I feel like I don't really need to learn how to discipline my kids, I need to learn how to discipline myself.
: I totally feel like I need to learn to discipline myself rather than my kids.

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Old 08-28-2005, 06:38 PM
 
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You're not alone. I grew up in the same type of home. We had a rough couple of years both financially and emotionally until this year. My dh is in a great job w/a future and my biz is booming. However, all the busyness can still render me short fused. I need to take time for MEMEME. I forget to do it, as I'm always looking after everyone else. That's what really saves me. Dh works 2 jobs=16+ hrs a day and so I'm simillar to a single mom for 5 days a week. It can be tough. I just reassure myself that it's only temporary. This time next year I will have replaced one of his incomes and we will be on an even better path. So, hang in there and remember to take time for YOU!
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Old 08-28-2005, 07:17 PM
 
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Ditto for my home environment as a kid, and for feeling like most good discipline moments come from a parent modeling conflict resolution in a positive way. That is, it starts with me. I really related with the book Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, which talks about parental self-control and conflict resolution skills explicitly.
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Old 08-29-2005, 02:31 AM
 
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Oh this is exactly what I needed today!!! I feel like a complete AP fraud lately. I was raised in a spanking, yelling household & though I never felt abused, I am now seeing the negative effects on me. Anytime DS does anything wrong my 1st reaction is to yell or swat at him : It makes me crazy. Plus it doesn't help that I do have a short fuse. I guess it is time to pull out some GD books & start reading again. It is nice to see that I am not the only one here. I hope we can keep this thread going. It would be nice to have a support system

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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Old 08-29-2005, 02:33 AM
 
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me too.....a little short on patience sometimes. I yell way more than I want to. I've really been trying to work on it. Sometimes. the kids make you so crazy though. Sometimes I wonder how anyone keeps their cool.
Amy

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Old 08-29-2005, 02:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciascl
Oh this is exactly what I needed today!!! I feel like a complete AP fraud lately. I was raised in a spanking, yelling household & though I never felt abused, I am now seeing the negative effects on me. Anytime DS does anything wrong my 1st reaction is to yell or swat at him : It makes me crazy. Plus it doesn't help that I do have a short fuse.
This is me! I'm trying, though... does that count?!
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Old 08-29-2005, 02:50 AM
 
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You have no idea how badly i needed to read this thread! I am 32 weeks preggy and have NO patience with my 22 month old DD. I was raised in a home where spanking was the rule and it has been lurking in my mind. It seems like the first thing i think to do these days is swat, which is NOT how i want to discipline my child!!! Counting to 10 seems to help, but i definately need to read some books on GD. Any suggestions, especially for 2 children? Thank you so much for being honest and opening up. It helps to know im not the only one who feels like a poser in regards to AP!!!

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Old 08-29-2005, 05:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by roseselene
Sometimes I wonder how anyone keeps their cool.
Amy

Easy, there medicated :LOL : At least thats what I tell myself to make me feel better

Seriously?
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Old 08-29-2005, 05:40 AM
 
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IM in!

Im an only child raised by a single dad. um can we say serenity? So raising 2 girls 21 months apart is constant chaos which drives me to the edge.
I pay then to be quiet.
now that they are 5 and 7 its alittle better but it used to be un bearable
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Old 08-29-2005, 12:20 PM
 
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I have a short fuse with certain things, like when my dds are fighting, screaming or not cleaning up after HOURS of being told to clean their mess. I can feel myself getting upset and I try to separate myself when I feel that way. (time out for mommy) It's nice to know other mamas feel the same way. It helps knowing I'm not alone.
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Old 08-29-2005, 03:58 PM
 
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Yes, I definitely can be short tempered. Especially when it is bedtime or naptime, where I am looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet for a little while and so I just want them to go to sleep! My two year old is pinching and scratching and taking it out on our cat and her baby sister so, though I can be patient for a while with it, it gets hard the millionth time she has thrown a book at the cat and pinched the baby's feet and then spilled her water everywhere on purpose and kicked the cats water over! I do run out of GD ideas and end up exasperated and yelling!

So, yes, count me in!

Married, part time work from home mom to DS (13 and homeschooling), DD1 (11) and DD2 (9) and a giant dopey newfoundland, a crazy border collie mix, 3 black cats and a cute rat.
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Old 08-29-2005, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Whew. I was afraid this thread would sit there like an albatross.

I'm not glad you all are having struggles but I am glad I'm not alone!

I need techniques, resources for anger management, KWIM? Oh, and some guilt counselling since I am always drowning in guilt.

Amy: Certified Professional Midwife and mom to Max (11) and Stella (6).
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Old 08-29-2005, 04:30 PM
 
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You're definitely not alone. I seem to have a very short fuse, and when I get to the boiling-over point I don't know how to stop myself. I need tips and techniques too - I do not want to raise my DD with fear of mama's blow-ups.

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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Old 08-29-2005, 05:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phaeon
I'm trying, though... does that count?!
It better count or we are all in trouble

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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Old 08-29-2005, 05:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aka mommy
...but i definately need to read some books on GD. Any suggestions, especially for 2 children?
I haven't read through the whole thing but here is a thread with a list of suggested books on GD http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=115037 I have not completely read any GD books, but I often skim through the Discpline Book by Dr Sears. It is quite helpful. I am also reading Raising Your Spirited Child which is excellent if anyone has spirited children

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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Old 08-29-2005, 05:19 PM
 
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It must a bad time of the year. I am normally very patient--with kids at least. But lately I, too, have been more inclined to yell and shout.

The whining pushes me over the edge too. I can handle it for awhile, and then it just breaks me. Couple this with a PL setback, and we are all set my mom breakdown :LOL I am a single mom too so I do not even get a break around the evening witching hour--I have to keep plugging through to bedtime. Naptime is usually saving grace, but is quickly going the way of diapers.

Anyhow, you are not alone. I hope now that I have confronted this, I will be more committed to stopping it before it starts. I just need to head off getting irritated. Because it is normally my irritation that causes me to get frustrated and mad.

Something that has worked for me the last view days is the Playful Parenting type of reaction. When my son is whining, I try to immediately head it off with redirection or try to get us both laughing. The latter immediately changes my mood from pissed off and irritated to giggly and happy. For him, it is tickling. He is super ticklish, and loves to be chased (well, pretend chase really in this apt) and tickles, let go and redo. I found that once I found what worked for him, some situations got easier. Of course this is not fool proof.

I also find walking out of the room (if baby is safe alone for a minute) for a minute works nicely too as it allows me to refocus.

But then there are times when nothing seems to work, and I get awfully frustrated too. You are not alone. :

I definitely recommend Playful Parenting. I also love Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (an excellent read). I am reading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen know, and I have high hopes

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Old 08-29-2005, 05:38 PM
 
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Count me in!

I am NOT a morning person so I've started doing a yoga tape w/the kids every morning. YEA But, not this morning. : Back on the wagon tomorrow.
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Old 08-29-2005, 05:49 PM
 
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I'm working very, very hard at controlling my temper. I'm not always successful.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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Old 08-29-2005, 05:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciascl
Oh this is exactly what I needed today!!! I feel like a complete AP fraud lately. I was raised in a spanking, yelling household & though I never felt abused, I am now seeing the negative effects on me.
Ditto. That's me exactly.


Quote:
Originally Posted by maciascl
Anytime DS does anything wrong my 1st reaction is to yell or swat at him : It makes me crazy.
I felt like that for his first few months of life (pathetic isn't it? I feel so ashamed), but I have a few mental tricks I use that has helped me so much that I haven't had any urge to strike him at all--for any reason.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maciascl
Plus it doesn't help that I do have a short fuse. I guess it is time to pull out some GD books & start reading again. It is nice to see that I am not the only one here. I hope we can keep this thread going. It would be nice to have a support system
Again, ditto. Short fuses are a lot of work, but I think the most important thing is knowing you have one and that you are committed to not letting it get in the way of GD'ing your child.

~Nay

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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Old 08-29-2005, 05:53 PM
 
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Oh, boy...ITA that I feel that I am the one that needs to learn control-not my kids.

I was raised in a home with lots of spanking, yelling, and starvation used for control. I always told myself that if I would take care of my children's physical needs and not spank them, I'd be ok with yelling-just not doing the first two would be 'breaking the cycle' enough for my generation...my kids could break the yelling cycle in their generation.

That's how I used to feel. Now? I never yell at my daughter although I do make quick trips to the bathroom once in awhile to yell at the wall. I yelled at her once when she was seven months old. SEVEN MONTHS!?!?!?! What could a seven month old possibly do to deserve that? That's when I realized that I was not going to be able to live with myself if I kept that behavior up.

It's the whining that gets to me now. I'll have to go pick up that Playful Parenting book.

Homesteading, unschooling mama of three.
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Old 08-29-2005, 05:57 PM
 
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HI, I am here too.... or should I say,

My mom is a bonefide (sp?) yeller. She even yells at kids she babysits I have been working on not inheriting certain traits from my mother since before kids.But some things really set me off. We are pretty much GD all the way. I try my hardest not to yell, but sometimes slip. I think for me- a change of pace is best. Like, we switch activites, start somethign else. Or, like meco was saying-be playful. I haven't read the book on playful parenting yet.I probably should I also find for whining-a little song I made up seems to help dd alot. USUALLY.

I totally still need a complete healing form a past full of yelling. I do not verbally abuse my children as my parents did though. In so many ways I am far ahead of where my parents were, but I am not perfect.

I think my triggers are physical rough-housing, and doing dangerous things, such as try to swing from the chandelier.Yes, dd did this several times this morning!My worst-case scenario imagination was in full swing and I was scared.

thanks for starting this thread

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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Old 08-29-2005, 06:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin
... but I have a few mental tricks I use that has helped me so much that I haven't had any urge to strike him at all--for any reason.
Care to share PLEASE!!!!

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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Old 08-29-2005, 06:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BusyMommy
Count me in!

I am NOT a morning person so I've started doing a yoga tape w/the kids every morning. YEA But, not this morning.

We do this too.
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Old 08-29-2005, 07:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Leilalu
My mom is a bonefide (sp?) yeller. She even yells at kids she babysits I have been working on not inheriting certain traits from my mother since before kids.
I could have posted this! I'm here for informational purposes only (no little ones yet), but I know that I'll have a rough time with the practical application of GD principles. Subbing for good resources/tips!
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Old 08-29-2005, 07:28 PM
 
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just subscribed! good to find you all. i know i'm waaay more gd & ap than my parents, but feel so *not* compared to lots of mamas on these boards. i'm working hard, learning lots about myself & have the help of some lexapro but it's a process.

meco, i'm trying more playful parenting techniques too & it really does help. i'm just such a stubborn mule, that it's a real struggle for me to get there

ruthla, what you said makes so much sense: I'm working very, very hard at controlling my temper. I'm not always successful. yup, me too!
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Old 08-29-2005, 07:51 PM
 
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I don't have a whole lot to add at the moment, but thank you for this thread! I stay away from the GD board because even though it's definitely something I strive for, I'm not perfect. I grew up very abused and never learned to control my emotions. My biggest problem is yelling and having no patience. I'm working on this.
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Old 08-29-2005, 09:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Leilalu
I totally still need a complete healing form a past full of yelling. I do not verbally abuse my children as my parents did though. In so many ways I am far ahead of where my parents were, but I am not perfect.
ITA!

My yellling gets out of control and I beat myself up afterward and end up depressed (b/c of my abusive/neglected childhood, etc etc). It is a viscious cycle and I hate it. Really hate it.

DH is great with DD, he does a lot of "playful parenting" type things and DD reacts so well to it. I try to do it but end up failing miserably and feeling worse (and of course jealous/mad that DH is so much better at discipline than me.). I catch myself telling him he shouldnt do it, not to "turn everything into a game"....it's such a f***ed up thing on my part.

Thanks Amy and sorry for such a bleak post - bad week.
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Old 08-29-2005, 10:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My yellling gets out of control and I beat myself up afterward and end up depressed (b/c of my abusive/neglected childhood, etc etc). It is a viscious cycle and I hate it. Really hate it.
OMG, did I just type that? Except for the part about your childhood ({{{hugs}}}) I could have said that word for word.

Honestly, I am equally sick of feeling guilty as I am of the behavior that gets me to that point.

Amy: Certified Professional Midwife and mom to Max (11) and Stella (6).
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