Highly emotional 7 year old dd - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 09-20-2005, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is highly emotional and gets very upset and cries when she cannot pass her violin lesson or song, or when she is told not to do something and often screams a lot when she is trying to explain things to us. She is a middle child between two brothers though, that do compete with her for attention.

I have been trying to work with her, but it really breaks my heart to see her cry so much. I take her with me so we can have Mom and daughter time together, I assign her special duties to help me with, and also try to work with her to build her confidence.

If anyone has any suggestions I could sure use the help. Thanks.
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#2 of 10 Old 09-21-2005, 12:57 AM
 
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Hi mama! I am reading a really great book called "Dealing With Disappointment" by Elizabeth Crary. www.parentingpress.com It has tons of ideas and a built in workbook. I really recommend it - lots of practical ideas for teaching/learning to, well, deal with disappointment.

As far as the violin lessons (I'm a piano teacher and dh is a band teacher)...is she doing Suzuki? Some kids find the structure of Suzuki great, others find it too rigid...personally I think Suzuki has many excellent points (the kids often develop excellent ears, tone, and phrasing), but one of its drawbacks is the "perfection" demanded before a piece can be passed, and the incessant repetition of previous pieces - some kids thrive on this, others fall apart. If it is overly frustrating for your dd, it may be helpful to look into other teachers/methods/non-methods (:LOL).

Good luck!

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#3 of 10 Old 09-21-2005, 11:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes my daughter is the artistic creative type personality and really is not a structured person like my sons. I have my son is anal retentive and the other is fairly orderly and focused....

She needs to build her confidence and then she is thrilled she can do something. I will check that link.
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#4 of 10 Old 09-21-2005, 01:24 PM
 
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Great - I'm sure you'll find the book useful. If you're interested in discussing some different ways of approaching her lessons, feel free to PM me. Good luck!

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#5 of 10 Old 09-21-2005, 04:55 PM
 
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I was (am a little like this. For me it doesn't have to do with being a middle child, it's more of a perfectionist thing.

I am teaching myself piano using the Suziki method : and I get very frustrated when trying to work on a piece. It helps me to remember to take a break and play a song I've already mastered. When I don't remember sometimes my dp or dcs will say, "can you play..."

I don't think it's something you can teach, more like something you can model. Maybe you could make a point to say stuff like "well, it isn't perfect but at least I ______".
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#6 of 10 Old 09-22-2005, 04:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by quidditchmom
When I don't remember sometimes my dp or dcs will say, "can you play..."
That is so sweet of them! That's great you're learning piano...

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#7 of 10 Old 09-22-2005, 02:30 PM
 
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I have no advice yet mama, but I wanted to tell I also have a 7 year old who is the oldest but behaving the same way...she is highly emotional and almost defiant at times...Its hard because I am extremely laid back and easy going. Sometimes I feel like she likes making bad choices. My other two children often sit on the sidelines while I deal with her. I am at a loss and feeling very insure of my adolescent parenting skills. If you figure out any skills or ways to work with your DD please post them...I would very much like to hear how others are handling these situations. Thanks mama!
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#8 of 10 Old 09-22-2005, 02:38 PM
 
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I don't have any advice either, but my 8 yr old son is the same way. He is the oldest though. I know alot of it has to do with having two younger siblings who take up most of my time. That and his father working so much.
He gets so frustrated when he can't figure things out. Last yr at baseball he would start crying and getting so angry because he struck out. It's not like he was the only one either.
It's hard and I will be watching this thread for some advise.
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#9 of 10 Old 09-26-2005, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am still working with dd and will probably seek some professional counselling. My dh and I had a big arguement about it last night because of it too. He and I used to be on the same page raising the kids, but lately we are separating further and further apart. I do think it opens up avenues of problems with the kids too.

My daughter is defiant, will holler and stamp her foot to get what she wants. I do insist that she go to bed early too because being tired and not getting enough sleep does affect her disposition. I am going to eliminate high sugared foods from her diet as well. She gets frustrated...she wants to do things independently and will not let me do things for her, i.e. her hair, or help her with her lessons, and will say "no" if I ask her to do something.

I put her on a good behavior sticker program. I listed about 5 things she must do successfully to get a sticker for the day. If she gets 5 stickers in a week she gets to do something special. She managed to get 3 stickers last week and has not gotten any more since last week. I will continue to set a few goals for her until the end of the month. If this is not working I will think of another incentive for her. She does get easily discouraged, so I have to remind her to keep sight of her goal for the day.

Example; Goals for the day: No screaming, yelling
Things I request be done without arguement
Get ready for bed and be in bed on time
Help me with one thing daily

This is the general protocol each day. She was excited to try it for a few days but now is off track again. She is only 7 yo so I try to break things down in small steps.
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#10 of 10 Old 09-26-2005, 04:28 PM
 
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Hi Mama! I still have to reply to your PM about lessons...sorry, I forgot!!

Can you phrase the first expectation as something like, "Use a pleasant voice"?

As far as bed, I'm sure you've tried giving her 5-minute warnings...does that help or make things worse? As far as the helping, could it be the same thing each day? It sounds like routine might help. My dd is much younger, but she really likes knowing "what's next" and we talk about the things happening/expectations for the next day when we're cuddling at bedtime.

I wonder if we could brainstorm some ideas since the sticker chart isn't working...some people use stickers just to "mark off" things instead of as a reward, kwim? Have you read any spirited children books or whatnot? Out-of-Sync Child?

I'm sorry about your dh...I'm sure he is feeling very frustrated, and hope you can find common ground again.


Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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