Including kids in your normal life - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 07:35 PM
 
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Hunh. A lot of the "I don't think children should be at X event, because Y happened" seem to have more to do with parenting and respecting children's needs than whether the children should be there in the first place.
We always eat late. Dd is usually a complete dream in restaurants - we've had waitresses brag to the cooking staff about how fun/cute/etc she is. But recently we were on a trip and in a somewhat fancy restaurant (the only decent one near the hotel, so I don't know what y'all would have expected us to do otherwise, plus it was dh's birthday), and she was in a horrible mood. Yeah, some parents might have ignored her needs and stayed, but instead I wound up getting my supper packed up and ate it back at the hotel. Why did I do this? Well, partly out of courtesy to the other patrons, but mostly because dd was just miserable and I refuse to put her through something like that. Do I think that just because she started to fuss while we were there that meant we never should have tried going there? Absolutely not! And I think it's ridiculous to suggest I shouldn't have taken her because of that. What it came down to was respecting her needs, which the parents in the above examples obviously weren't doing for their children.
I totally agree that children should be a part of everyday life. I also think that there is a difference between everyday life and doing something "special" or "out of the ordinary" - in some cases children shouldn't be taken, and in some cases they should - but this so much depends on the individual child and the situation. And there's no harm in leaving if it doesn't work out. Would I avoid exposing dd to the culture of a museum or an opera just because she *might* get bored? NO! But if she did start to fuss, we would leave the setting either for a moment until she calmed down or to go home if neccessary. Quite frankly, I wouldn't make my husband sit through an opera with me if he was in pain or uncomfortable or bored out of his tree, either.
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#62 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 07:35 PM
 
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Okay, I must be really dense, but where are people begrudging you bringing your children? I mean, okay, taking your kid along for your brazillian wax might not be the best idea , but taking your child to places like the grocery, the post office, etc., seems, well, NORMAL to me. I'm confused.

I don't take ds everywhere...I go alone to get my hair cut, and I go alone to some doctor's appointments for myself, but for the most part, I have a small person in tow. I've gotten very skilled at managing him, and he loves it 'cause he gets to hang out in the Ergo or sling or backpack the whole time usually.

Who are these people that think kids should just be left at home and wtf is wrong with them?
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#63 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 07:58 PM
 
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When my dh and I are out dining alone and there are other kids in the restaurant we love it. I don't go out with my dh because I want to be away from children, we go out so we can spend some time together. It makes me sad that other moms are so judgemental about where kids should be. It makes me think that they may love and value their own children but view other peoples' children negatively.
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#64 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 08:21 PM
 
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I'm very much in agreement that kids should be included in day to day life. We typically do all our shopping as a family and eat out quite a lot in many different types of restaurants as a family. Fortunately we live in a city where it is common to see kids dining in upscale places, as well as hole in the wall joints.

That said, I sooooo cherish those times when I get to shop sans kids and husband!!!! I LOVE lunch out during the work day and evening dates with dh. Dining out is a chore these days. I LOVE being able to do any kind of shopping from thrifing, Targeting, grocery shopping all by my self!!!

Ds is such a picky eater that we have to make sure we go someplace that we know will have something he'll eat. Dd is just into *everything*. It's darned exhausting! BUT we do it because we believe its important that they learn about what is and is not appropriate when dining out.
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#65 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 08:42 PM
 
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i haven't read the replies yet so maybe i'm repeating someone else's experience...it took me a while to be ok with taking my son everywhere with me. i was always so terrified that he'd throw up and i'd be embarrassed or overwhelmed (he was a HUGE puker, up until VERY recently). i was absolutely terrified of "those looks" and i really let it limit what i did. i'd stay home most of the time with ds or go to parks, etc...but never out to "normal" places like out to lunch, to the mall, to run errands. now, i don't think i was *depriving* my son of anything by not letting him experience those things, but i think i was depriving ME of some normalcy. looking back, i feel like i sort of cut myself out of my own life and treated having a child like having the plague. i stopped seeing friends bc oh my gosh what if my child vomits on them???

i realize that this is extreme, and my own issue...it took a lot for me to learn that it really is ok for things to go wrong, and that i won't blow up if my child freaks out in public. i'll just quietly remove myself from the situation, redirect him, bring out a toy, play some games, etc....now it's second nature for me and i don't know why i was so freaked out. restaurants were still not high on our list bc of the vomit issue, but i've even started going out to lunch with him by myself. he still won't eat very much or very varied things, but i can bring his food with me and have a grand old time with him.

anyway, i'm not sure if it is because i sheltered him so much from "the world" or if it's his temperament, but he is VERY wary of new places/buildings. he gets very upset and tries to self-soothe by saying "it's ok it's ok". of course any time he does that i leave and don't put him through that. he's also overwhelmed when meeting new people, when given new gifts, etc...so i don't know if it's related to not having exposure to it or if it's really just who he is...maybe i'll never know...

i don't even know if my experience is totally on-topic, but i thought i'd share anyway. LOL i think that taking your kids everywhere isn't always easy...it took a lot for me to get to the point where i'd even try...but now that i do, i realize it's not as scary as i thought. but i will admit that if i have the choice, i'd rather do my errands by myself. LOL
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#66 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 08:50 PM
 
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Finch - i just saw your siggy and requested to join the SID/SPD group... and i love your Wise Women quote! LMBO!!!
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#67 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 09:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by michelemiller
Finch - i just saw your siggy and requested to join the SID/SPD group... and i love your Wise Women quote! LMBO!!!
It's a great group, you're gonna love it! I got so many pm's requesting the link for it, so I just figured what the heck, and put it in my siggy.

I sooooo know what you're living with a kid who freaks out easily in public. It has taken me a looooong time to not feel like some sort of failure as a mother when he does freak, and how to manage him "defensively" so that I can prevent freak-outs in the first place. My well-meaning friends and generally clueless dh (he was at work all day so didn't get the full effect of ds's SID like I did pre-diagnosis) always chided me for being such a "hermit" and not going out more with ds when he was young (and in the throes of colic and wicked reflux, thank you very much). Well hell, if your kid has a total freak out meltdown every damn time you take him out of the house, YOU'D stay home all the time too!! LOL. Anyway....

Think I should crochet the wise women quote on a tea cozy?
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#68 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 11:26 PM
 
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I think in the U.S. we're so used to most places NOT being kid-friendly that many of us can't even imagine what it's like to be that way- we don't expect kid play areas in doctor offices or don't feel okay ourselves with kids in public much of the time. Sure some kids are dragged around unwilling, but it seems like moms with kids get dirty looks often times before the kid even acts up.
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#69 of 105 Old 11-02-2005, 11:35 PM
 
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Wow well I'd love not to take the kids to my doctor's appointments but unfortunately most of the time that is just not an option. I sure hope people don't think I'm being "rude" when I bring them. I just don't have a babysitter.

As far as the grocery store, post office, etc., go, I've never gotten a dirty look or anything. I can't imagine why anybody would think there was anything wrong with bringing kids along when you do chores. It seems like the only practical thing to do.
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#70 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 02:14 AM
 
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I unschool my boys and think the best way for them to learn is to live. My children are better aware of life as a whole as ages 4 and 2 than some teens I know. Because I allow them to be a part of things, not silent in the background.
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#71 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 11:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pfamilygal
But it was clearly stated in the registration info that no children under 12 are permitted. .
I guess I always assume a babe in arms is the exception as more an extension of the mother and not a separate "child" . As a mom of an infant I could no more go somewhere without my 3 month old than I could go without my own head. I have even called places under these circumstances to check "When you say no children does that include a babe in arms?" Usually people only care if it is a mobile baby or toddler that needs constant supervisoin.
In that situation my thoughts usually are more along the line of "Maybe I could have brought my baby?" and not "I wish that lady didnt bring her baby"
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#72 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 12:58 PM
 
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CrunchyTamara, that sounds lovely. Wish it were more like that here. On the rare occasion that we "eat out," it is with the kids and at a place like Pizza Hut. I feel like I spend the entire time "containing" the kids. Not that they aren't my responsibility, I'm not trying to shirk my duty with them. I think, though, that people's expectations of how kids should behave in public (seen and not heard -- oh wait, not seen either, unless they are cute and just sitting there to look at) are unreasonable. I wouldn't want to "force" the village mentality on anyone, but it is unfortunate that we are so disconnected. I'm happy to help out/entertain other kids who are out and cranky. If I don't want to be complaining about socially misfit teens in 10 years, I should be welcoming of the little kids now, IMO, and help them feel like they are a welome, valued part of society.

I don't really see how kids at a class, lesson, night out, whatever, would really be a big deal. If the room/area/theatre/whatever were filled with noisy kids running around causing mayhem, well yes, that's a problem. But I think those kinds of situations would happen less often if kids were included in those activities regularly and learned how to deal with it. Occasionally, on dh's day off, the 1 yo naps and I go run errands on my own. That's my "me time." It is nice for me to be out without having to worry about *my* kids while I do my thing. A legion of noisy toddlers wouldn't really spoil it for me, though.

That being said, if I couldn't bring my nursing babe in arms somewhere, I wouldn't go, though I too might assume that a nursing babe was an exception. It has been at most "no kids" activities I have been interested in attending. I would call to find out first, though. I don't pump or use bottles at all, so pumping to attend an evening out wouldn't be an option.

Maybe I'll just move to Norway. I like winter.

I just went and googled Norway climate. I thought it had a long, cold, snowy winter. It seems I'm wrong. I think I would move anyway. The montly average temps were below 20 C and above -10 C on one chart I found. Is it very rainy? I like the look of a nice blue sky, but don't much care for being *in* the sun, lol. The long summer days/short winter days would be difficult, though. We do have a bit of that here, but not nearly that much. I think the longest days of daylight we get are 15 hours, not 18 hours, and then 9 hours of daylight in the winter. I hate trying to get the kids to bed at a decent time in the summer! Waking up to starry skies in the winter is lovely, though.

And I *love* fish. (I googled Norway food just to make sure I wasn't mistaken again, and I'm drooling now.)

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#73 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i stopped seeing friends bc oh my gosh what if my child vomits on them???
ROTFLMBO! That is such a hilarious comment! Thanks for making my day! ... Not to make fun, but that really is funny!

I also agree with pp who said a nursing baby in arms is not really like a 'child'. I brought DS to a lot of places when he was an infant that I wouldn't bring him now. It was easy, he never ever cried when he was a baby. He would just eat, and sleep through anything. To this day, he always takes everything in stride. Last night we went out with friends to a restaurant, and DS loved it. He ate his food, didn't make much of a mess, and 'talked' with everyone. He loves getting attention from strangers, and laughed whenever everyone else laughed, garnering more attention for himself! LOL He is just blossoming as a social butterfly at only 18 months!

DS does throw fits in public more often than I'd like to admit, but that is what kids do sometimes. If I kept him hidden away at home all the time, we would miss out on the great bonding or learning experiences like last night.

Re: the Swedish couple (some more details)
It was lunch time. The restaurant was brightly lit. It is a family restaurant. I think the couple was visiting family that lives here. There appeared to be several tables of people that were family or friends of the couple, and they were all keeping an eye on the kid. The child didn't get into any trouble, he was just walking around. It was not crowded. I think he was at least three, maybe four. It is hard for me to judge kids' ages, because my own son is huge for his age. I really don't think the kid was in any danger.

Tis the season, for hot apple cider!
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#74 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 05:27 PM
 
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I have to say, I think that there are situations where bringing children isn't the best idea. I think that as a non-mom, I don't like listening to a baby screaming in the grocery store, or a toddler throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of dinner. And if I was wearing my special jacket to a date with my hubby, and someone else's child made a mess of it, I'd be pretty PO'd. They should have AT LEAST offered to pay the dry cleaning bill!!

I understand that when motherhood starts, life doesn't stop. It's just different. But, I am trying my best to remember that not everyone has children, and enjoys kids. Not everyone should have to put up with misbehaving children when they are paying good money to eat in an expensive restaurant, or watch an adult movie, or have a girl's night out. If there is a 'No Children' policy, then by golly, parents should respect it.

But, on the other hand, I think kids are awsome. I work with kids at my job, and I make a point to talk to them, on their level, and include them in what I'm doing if they seem interested.

I agree the most though, with all of the PP's who say that if the child isn't going to enjoy it (Adult movies, fancy restaurants, etc.) don't bring them. I think that parents deserve some time without the kids, because after all, you are adults, and you deserve some adult time.

Kids should not have to live a secret unseen life, but I think that common since needs to be practiced. If you have a fussy baby, find a sitter or stay home until their mood improves. Don't drag them into public where you, your baby, and the people around you are all going to be miserable.

I've been scoping out the restaruants with child friendly fare and play areas. Those are the ones that we'll frequent. But, on 'date night' I want to enjoy my 'adult time'.

Good job on a great discussion, though! Gotta eat something!
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#75 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 05:41 PM
 
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I have to say, I think that there are situations where bringing children isn't the best idea. I think that as a non-mom, I don't like listening to a baby screaming in the grocery store, or a toddler throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of dinner.
I have never understood this attitude. My only thought (even before parenthood) when I here a screaming baby or toddler throwing a temper tantrum is one of sympathy (for both child and parent). However, I am much less tolerant of obnoxious adults in public, but I can't think of a way to tell them to stay home.
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#76 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Greenie
I have to say, I think that there are situations where bringing children isn't the best idea. I think that as a non-mom, I don't like listening to a baby screaming in the grocery store, or a toddler throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of dinner. And if I was wearing my special jacket to a date with my hubby, and someone else's child made a mess of it, I'd be pretty PO'd. They should have AT LEAST offered to pay the dry cleaning bill!!

I
Hi Carrie

I read your post and then was a little surprised by your first paragraph - until I realized you are not a mom yet. I kind of understand why someone without kids might feel annoyed it is hard for people without kids to truly understand that getting a sitter EVERY time you need to do have normal life activities just isn't always realistic. One can't possibly expect to have a sitter available every time one goes to a grocery store, a bank, or go out eating in restaurants that don't have playgrounds or serve fast food...

I have 4 kids and always take at least 2 of them (the oldest go to school half day) everywhere that is not explicitaly "child-free" because I have to go places. and if the kids are home, I can't just NOT go out...DH and I enjoy eating out but we HATE child oriented restaurants like McDonalds etc, so we take them out with us to places that don't say anything about kids not being welcome. Of course, we make sure to teach our kids how people are expected to behave in a restaurant, but since it is hard for out 2yo to do that, we make sure to take him out on a little walk if he is having a hard time

Yes, babies will cry in the most incovenient situations and that's just life - there is nothing you can do to predict or prevent that. And toddlers will get grumpy sometimes too.

Luckily, in 7 years, I have only heard complaining about my babies crying twice. Both times though, the people complaining received reproving looks from old ladies around

Before I had kids and knew better, I always said my kids would never have buggars running down their noses, would never get dirty in public and would never throw tantrums. OMG - did I learn my lesson

I have lived in the US for 4 years, and I am still not used to fact you don't see kids everywhere. Where do moms leave their kids?? In Denmark kids are seen EVERYWHERE with their parents and almost every public place is made with the idea that people will bring their kids in mind (from buses to restaurants and shopping malls). It is like a big Ikea everywhere
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#77 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 06:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by eldadeedlit
Wow well I'd love not to take the kids to my doctor's appointments but unfortunately most of the time that is just not an option. I sure hope people don't think I'm being "rude" when I bring them. I just don't have a babysitter.

As far as the grocery store, post office, etc., go, I've never gotten a dirty look or anything. I can't imagine why anybody would think there was anything wrong with bringing kids along when you do chores. It seems like the only practical thing to do.
Well, I have to agree with this. I was going to say that maybe this was a regional issue, maybe more urban areas are less accepting of children. Because we've taken our kids EVERYWHERE. We've even had to take them places that weren't very fun for them, like the title company at 8:00 a.m. because no one would watch them and we both had to sign. I figured this was okay because they had a whole box of kiddie goodies there, so at least we weren't the first ones who had done that.

As far as a restaurant, I would definitely leave too if my child were having a fit and not having fun. Not just for them, but for my own selfish reasons, too. It's not like it's very fun to try and placate an unhappy toddler in a crowded, loud place. I would much more enjoy the food out of a box in my own living room.

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#78 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 06:23 PM
 
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I just went and googled Norway climate. I thought it had a long, cold, snowy winter. It seems I'm wrong. I think I would move anyway. The montly average temps were below 20 C and above -10 C on one chart I found. Is it very rainy? I like the look of a nice blue sky, but don't much care for being *in* the sun, lol. The long summer days/short winter days would be difficult, though. We do have a bit of that here, but not nearly that much. I think the longest days of daylight we get are 15 hours, not 18 hours, and then 9 hours of daylight in the winter. I hate trying to get the kids to bed at a decent time in the summer! Waking up to starry skies in the winter is lovely, though.

And I *love* fish. (I googled Norway food just to make sure I wasn't mistaken again, and I'm drooling now.)
Hi!

Norway is a very, very LONG country, so the weather varies alot, depending on where you live.

Down south the winters are pretty mild. Snow for a few months, maybe.
Up north, the winter is longer, and very often colder.

The westside of Norway is rainy. Very.

What I dislike the most, is the darkness. Right now it gets dark around 4 PM!!

If you live longer up north (I live more or less in the middle of Norway) the darkness is total now. They have no sun for several months during winter...

Come on over!

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#79 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 06:39 PM
 
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Hi Mommas,

While I agree that it might not be a good idea to bring a small child to a fancy restaurant or a quiet coffee shoppe for safety reasons and to keep the atmosphere relaxed and quiet for the older people who are using it, I don't understand the attitude that children shouldn't be brought to post offices or grocery stores, or any of the other "every day" utility-type places.

If a child/baby is screaming and crying in a grocery store, I feel badly for him or her, and/or I feel badly for the mother having to deal with the situation. It's just normal for children to be shopping for their food with their parents, same goes for the bank, the post office, the pet store, the pharmacy, etc. That's part of life every single day.

I do understand some points of view about the restaurant issue, though. If it's a fancier restaurant and the parents don't remove an upset child from the situation, it stinks for everyone involved. If you want to TRY to have supper with your children there with you, then, okay. I'm sure there are some small children who can handle a restaurant, and if they can, that's GREAT. It's the "Isn't it cute how Jenny is verbalising everything in screeches for ten minutes?!" attitude from some parents that drives the other people there nuts. No, it's not cute. Children talking at a conversational level and eating, and colouring and playing with a favourite toy and, and, and are cute.

But: throwing food and screaming and running aren't acceptable things to do in restaurants, it disturbs people during their meals and celebrations and it could be a danger for the servers or the children if they are scampering around. Adults are expected to behave a certain way in restaurants, and, we're trying to raise children to be responsible adults, so, it makes sense that we expect a certain level of behaviour from children if they are going to remain in the situations.
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#80 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 06:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TurtleMom
... kids should get to be part of all the usual activities of daily life. I wish more things...were set up for that or at least expecting it as normal.
we are hopefully recreating normal! i LOVE hanging out with ds. the few (and i mean like 3-4) times that i haven't been with ds i totally miss him like crazy. he's so fun and funny to be with. we bring him everywhere and he loves it too!

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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#81 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 07:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CrunchyTamara
Down south the winters are pretty mild. Snow for a few months, maybe.
Up north, the winter is longer, and very often colder.

The westside of Norway is rainy. Very.

What I dislike the most, is the darkness. Right now it gets dark around 4 PM!!

If you live longer up north (I live more or less in the middle of Norway) the darkness is total now. They have no sun for several months during winter...
What's funny is, I'm in Canada, and you just pretty much described this country, too. So much for moving. The west coast is very rainy... I'm about as far south as you can get in Canada, and the winters are mild, and we have snow from about mid-Dec to March (some into April), but winters are longer and colder up north. They have the "midnight sun" up north too. I'm further south than Norway, our earliest sunsets are around 5pm, I believe, and that would be in Jan.

We're not as child-friendly, though. That would be a big incentive to move. Dh has always wanted to spend some time living and working outside of Canada, but I don't know if I could convice him to go someplace like Norway. So far the places he has seriously looked at have been Florida and the Middle East. I'm guessing he wants to go somewhere warm....

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#82 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 10:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by momoffour
I have never understood this attitude. My only thought (even before parenthood) when I here a screaming baby or toddler throwing a temper tantrum is one of sympathy (for both child and parent). However, I am much less tolerant of obnoxious adults in public, but I can't think of a way to tell them to stay home.
I agree there. I am not saying that they should stay home from all public places!! I think it is ridiculous to think that all parents should leave their children locked away at home. I loved going places when I was little. I think there was a misumderstanding in the wording of my post--

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenie
I understand that when motherhood starts, life doesn't stop. It's just different. But, I am trying my best to remember that not everyone has children, and enjoys kids. Not everyone should have to put up with misbehaving children when they are paying good money to eat in an expensive restaurant, or watch an adult movie, or have a girl's night out. If there is a 'No Children' policy, then by golly, parents should respect it.
I meant that 'Not everyone should have to put up with misbehaving children when they are paying good money to eat in an expensive restaurant, or watch an adult movie, or have a girl's night out.' Those are really the only places that I don't think children should go, and in those adult situations, they're probably bored, anyway.

It's just my opinion because, I guess, I've never been around kids. I just am not used to crying toddlers. I know that things will change soon, and I do feel bad for the parent.. I don't even really take a considerable amount of notice unless the parent is being unreasonable.

The main 'baby crying in a grocery store' incident involved a little tiny todler girl who was upset, and the lady with her just ignored her. Didn't try to talk to her, take her outside, anything!! The child was screaming the whole time we were in line to pay for our groceries, and when we were being rung up, and when we were paying. It felt like an eternity, and I felt really bad for the child.

Quote:
Originally Posted by polihaupt
I read your post and then was a little surprised by your first paragraph - until I realized you are not a mom yet. I kind of understand why someone without kids might feel annoyed it is hard for people without kids to truly understand that getting a sitter EVERY time you need to do have normal life activities just isn't always realistic. One can't possibly expect to have a sitter available every time one goes to a grocery store, a bank, or go out eating in restaurants that don't have playgrounds or serve fast food...
I can absolutley understand!! My mother usually just left my little brothers in my care anytime she needed to go somewhere. I was the 'free sitter'. : Still don't like that she just dumped them on me 7 days a week, all day long.

I know that kids have to be in public. I think that they should be in places, learning to be around people and interact is a very important part of develpoment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by polihaupt
DH and I enjoy eating out but we HATE child oriented restaurants like McDonalds etc, so we take them out with us to places that don't say anything about kids not being welcome. Of course, we make sure to teach our kids how people are expected to behave in a restaurant, but since it is hard for out 2yo to do that, we make sure to take him out on a little walk if he is having a hard time
I would never take a child to a fast food place. I'd go to Subway, at least! All I have ever expected was that those who bring their children make sure that they're acting apropriatly. If your child is upset, take them to the bathroom, or outside, or something. Have some coloring books and toys for them. That's all I expect.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinitty
While I agree that it might not be a good idea to bring a small child to a fancy restaurant or a quiet coffee shoppe for safety reasons and to keep the atmosphere relaxed and quiet for the older people who are using it, I don't understand the attitude that children shouldn't be brought to post offices or grocery stores, or any of the other "every day" utility-type places.
This says it best!

If I come off as weird, just remember. The preggo hormones are surging!
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#83 of 105 Old 11-03-2005, 11:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#84 of 105 Old 11-04-2005, 12:30 AM
 
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Just wanted to say that I thought of this thread yesterday...we had an "energy audit" scheduled with the utility company (they offer a big rebate on air conditioner servicing if you do this). Of course I was at home with my 21mo daughter. The technician made me feel about 6 inches high when my daughter needed my attention while we were talking. She literally rolled her eyes and looked at her watch. On the way out I apologized for the "toddlerness" (she WAS having a difficult day) and the tech said, "Well, I guess it's better than having three dogs yipping around my legs." Uh....thanks.

Really, I can't express how crappy this made me feel, and mad, too. I think she really thought it was awful and unacceptable that my child was present for this process. Uh...your appointments are during business hours during the week. What was I SUPPOSED to do with her?

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#85 of 105 Old 11-04-2005, 01:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by loraxc
Of course I was at home with my 21mo daughter.
What?!? She thought you should have had a sitter even though the appointment was at your house?!? Sheesh.

Mommy to kids

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#86 of 105 Old 11-04-2005, 09:37 AM
 
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loraxc Sometimes people don't get that children are living. That is life...if you choose a job that takes you into people's homes...welllll...

Dd goes everywhere with me. I did decide to have dh care for her while I get a pelvic on monday...not because of her though, b/c I feel a little weird. That's my issue though, not hers and not what I am concerned about by the dr.
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#87 of 105 Old 11-04-2005, 11:04 AM
 
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Of course I was at home with my 21mo daughter. The technician made me feel about 6 inches high when my daughter needed my attention while we were talking. She literally rolled her eyes and looked at her watch. On the way out I apologized for the "toddlerness" (she WAS having a difficult day) and the tech said, "Well, I guess it's better than having three dogs yipping around my legs." Uh....thanks.

Really, I can't express how crappy this made me feel, and mad, too. I think she really thought it was awful and unacceptable that my child was present for this process. Uh...your appointments are during business hours during the week. What was I SUPPOSED to do with her?
Please call the company in question and register a report. Her behavior, comments and demeanor were unprofessional and her expectations unrealistic.

I ran an in home daycare, and fortunately, never had anyone who came to assist in that capacity (plumber, exterminator, etc) react that way.
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#88 of 105 Old 11-04-2005, 11:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenie
I meant that 'Not everyone should have to put up with misbehaving children when they are paying good money to eat in an expensive restaurant, or watch an adult movie, or have a girl's night out.' Those are really the only places that I don't think children should go, and in those adult situations, they're probably bored, anyway.
Not everyone should have to put up with crabby old people when they are paying good money to eat in an expensive restaurant, or watch a movie, or have a girl's night out. Those are really the only places that I don't think the elderly should go, and in those situations, they're probably bored, anyway.

Lots of people don't like old people. They get crabby and have short attention spans. You should leave them in the old folks home. They have more fun there anyway!

For me It's all about what the child would enjoy. Children are human beings not something unpleasant that society has to "put up with." I think children have every right to be in an expensive restaurant. Would I take my child out if they were disturbing others? Of course! I would also make my husband leave if he were disturbing others.
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#89 of 105 Old 11-04-2005, 11:37 AM
 
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I agree that you should be able to take your children anywhere and that they should see normal life, but then again some places are difficult for children (I'm now thinking a toddler) to be in, because our culture is so child unfriendly.

How is this different from babyproofing the house to avoid dangers and conflicts that are not necessary until they are developmentally able to understand things that are dangerous (poisons, fire, and so on)?

I'm personally thinking of the nightmares I've had in supermarkets, having tried every trick in the book (morning visits, every distraction etc) with my dd.

Personally I think if its going to be hard on the child, and its avoidable, I'll avoid it. I've seen screaming children bored rigid trying to squirm out of buggies in overheated shops being told off by they parents for not being still. In my book thats unfair on the child. Of course in real life things happen we cannot control so we end up in some horrible situation, and in real life we are not perfect parents.

For the record I regularly take my children on the bus, train, and out and about everywhere and we often eat out, but I try to avoid situations I know are likely to be difficult where I can. My children are very young - 2.5 and 16 weeks. Its probably a different set of issues as they get older.

thanks
sarah
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#90 of 105 Old 11-04-2005, 11:58 AM
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I bring my DD pretty much everywhere, except when my DH and I go on date nights.

I drop her off at the inlaws so we can go for dinner and a movie and have an evening child free so we both have a few drinks before retiring. He can't drink when she's at home because he's the one with the lisence...if something goes wrong...you get the idea.

She's wonderful at restraunts. Sure she doesn't EAT half the time but that's what doggy bags are for. But I wouldn't make my 2yo sit in a theater. So I dont take her. Also the movies we like to watch aren't really appropriate for her anyway *Alien vs Preditor, Devils Rejects..you get the idea..BAD mojo for a toddler*

Heck I questioned it when Lord of the Rings came out and people were taking their toddlers. NOT because of the fact it was a movie theater, but because LOTR IS NOT AGE APPROPRIATE for anyone under the age of 10 IMO. It's violent, scary..and no kid can grasp something like that...I bet those poor bubs were having night terrors about the ringwraiths for months....

Sure I can see taking a child to a child friendly movie...but parents need to use their brains about content discretion...

But yeah, every day things, banking, grocery shopping, stuff like that, people shouldn't crap on you for taking your kid. stuff's gotta be done. What is someone supposed to do STARVE?

But yeah, do whatever you wanna do with your kid, but make sure it's age appropriate.

If you like the Opera, fine, but at least arrange a sitter beforehand because MOST toddlers wont be able to sit still through it, because it's not age appropriate, and why waste your ticket admission if you have to get up and leave anyway?

ETA: that's why there are things that are dubbed "Adult" things. Not because they are diliberately made to exclude children, but they are just not AGE APPROPRIATE activities to expect young children to put up with, but Adults ENJOY. It isn't fair to the kid to drag them with, and it isn't fair to the ADULT either to give it up totally. Hence why a babysitter is a good idea.
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