Well, until recently, I was a HUGE yeller. I was trying all sorts of punishments left and right to regain some sense of control over my kids. I *finally* *finally* FINALLY realized I cannot control the words that come out of their mouths, the voice tone they are using, the fact that they keep asking over and over or whining or fighting with each other or any of that garbage.
I CAN control a LOT of other "stuff" in their lives. I AM doing something if I ask them to take it out of my presence right now. I can take whatever I think is causing a big part of the problem out of the scenario...like the TV goes off if it is on a children's show and I want them to do something. They don't get it back until it's done. (I only use that one if it's their behavior that is causing the problem and I need to address that.)
I canNOT give up responsibility for getting my child to school on time. That's part of choosing to send my child to school, following their rules. If he just HAPPENS to miss the morning recess because he messed around all morning instead of doing what I asked him to do to help him get ready....that is entirely HIS problem.
I DO NOT have to get him somewhere HE wants to be if HIS behavior is stopping me from doing what I need to do for the family, or disrupting our peace. I do not HAVE TO do that for ANY of them. That's a good enough reason not to do it right there. He can learn that that behavior does not get him what he wants in this family, this house, this lifetime, and I'd rather have my kids learn that while they are still in kindergarten then when they're my age....realizing that they themselves were a spoiled brat only child whose parents gave them whatever they wanted....except for anything that really MATTERED, like a listening ear, some attention when THEY needed it, even just plain out dealing with the details of life like laundry, food, etc without making them feel like their mom is doing this out of some obligation rather than the love it should be. I know it CAN feel like a total obligation to need to get food on the table, clothes on the backs, all that stuff....but the minute I started realizing that some things in my household could be other people's problems and NOT MINE...........WOW!
It is NOT mean to not make a special effort to rush out the door to get him to the recess he enjoys before school if he's just plain being a pain to deal with that morning. Or to NOT take the library book to school because he didn't help me remember to get it in his backpack and I forgot it because I was dealing with behavior. Or any of those other little details that NOT doing or even thinking about doing for any of my kids...puts the energy I would have spent doing that back where I truly NEED it.