I know that several people here strive to be completely non-coercive in their parenting - not trying to direct, change, shape, coax, reward or punish, force, or otherwise make their child be any particular way. I know that several people here have particularly mentioned not ever doing anything to their child by physical force.
What I'd like to know is, when did you start? At what age? Is it possible to parent an infant non-coercively?
I was thinking about the various non-coercion threads as I woke up with my 8-month-old daughter this morning, and I started counting the number of times I coerced her. She didn't want her diaper changed, and cried, but I changed it anyway. On the second diaper change, she'd gotten poop on her undershirt, so I completely undressed her and put on a clean undershirt. She hates getting dressed right now, and it upset her. As she crawled around the room, I physically picked her up and moved her away from a very interesting power cord just as she was about to find out whether it was tasty. I washed her face (covered with applesauce and snot), and later wiped her nose (much more snot), although each time she protested vigorously. It's pretty much an ordinary day with a baby, I would have thought.
Of course I do whatever I can to make these things less upsetting - giving her a special toy while she's on the changing table, doing as much of the clothes change as possible while she's sitting or standing because it's the lying-down that she objects to most, singing a silly song for washing face and hands, playing a game that involves nose-touching in hopes that it will desensitize her to having it wiped. And I always explain why we're doing what we're doing, and acknowledge her feelings. But it all comes down to this, in the end: I'll make those things happen even if she doesn't want them to.
If you consider yourself to be a non-coercive parent, how would you handle these issues with an infant? Would you not do these things if your baby objected to them? What are the non-coercive alternatives?
What I'd like to know is, when did you start? At what age? Is it possible to parent an infant non-coercively?
I was thinking about the various non-coercion threads as I woke up with my 8-month-old daughter this morning, and I started counting the number of times I coerced her. She didn't want her diaper changed, and cried, but I changed it anyway. On the second diaper change, she'd gotten poop on her undershirt, so I completely undressed her and put on a clean undershirt. She hates getting dressed right now, and it upset her. As she crawled around the room, I physically picked her up and moved her away from a very interesting power cord just as she was about to find out whether it was tasty. I washed her face (covered with applesauce and snot), and later wiped her nose (much more snot), although each time she protested vigorously. It's pretty much an ordinary day with a baby, I would have thought.
Of course I do whatever I can to make these things less upsetting - giving her a special toy while she's on the changing table, doing as much of the clothes change as possible while she's sitting or standing because it's the lying-down that she objects to most, singing a silly song for washing face and hands, playing a game that involves nose-touching in hopes that it will desensitize her to having it wiped. And I always explain why we're doing what we're doing, and acknowledge her feelings. But it all comes down to this, in the end: I'll make those things happen even if she doesn't want them to.
If you consider yourself to be a non-coercive parent, how would you handle these issues with an infant? Would you not do these things if your baby objected to them? What are the non-coercive alternatives?