A spanking mom verbally attacked me yesterday. REALLY long. - Page 8 - Mothering Forums

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#211 of 216 Old 01-01-2006, 06:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Smithie
It wasn't my intention to insult you, Sheena, and if you really did come to this conversation open to the idea that you had made a mistake, I completely missed that
Not quite sure how. From her first post:

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Originally Posted by Sheena
I spent the rest of day alternating between feeling guilty and feeling like I stood up for what I believe.
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Originally Posted by Sheena
She just COULD not let it go and I feel bad, like I judged her or something. I mean, I did judge her, I think spanking is abuse and I would have felt bad had I let my 2 and 6 year old see a dad beat his toddler and not said anything. But still... I feel so weird about the whole thing.
Part of support is saying "I'm sorry you were in that situation", "I'm sorry you're feeling that way", "I'm sorry this happened to you".

Another, equally important, part of support is saying "Maybe next time you could say this", "Look at it from this point of view", etc.

I think Sheena (as evidenced by her first post) came to the board expecting both components of support. Which says alot for her-most only come to these boards for "good feelings" support and resent any constructive remarks.

Sheena has received both constructive help and some blistering attacks. Some very undeserved attacks. If she'd wanted those, she could have talked to her neighbors, etc who feel differently from her about spanking. But she came here, to a support board, to get validation and help. And that's all she should have received having posted in the GENTLE DISCIPLINE forum. After all, she could have expected those remarks if she'd posted in TAO-then she couldn't have reasonably expected fully supportive comments.

I opened this post up expecting to see two things: support for the poster and suggestions for how one could handle this situation in the future. My main goal in reading this post was to get words to say and actions to use if I ever found myself in a similar situation-I'm not much good at thinking of appropriate things to say in high-pressure situations.

So, from Scubamom, TwiceMom, and others, I have been able to further crystallize my own thinking on the issue of spanking (I've always been against it, but never put together 'hitting grown woman=bad/illegal, hitting child=discipline/legal) and given me appropriate ranges of responses for similar situations I may find myself in.

Although the family mentioned in the OP may go home and hit a bit harder the next time out of remembered embarassment, I don't think that really likely in this situation. The mother unleashed most of her venom on the OP and felt justified by the agreement of the other mothers she solicited for agreement. Her embarassment, if any, was minimal.

My DH said that if he saw an abusive situation, he would have the police on the way before he approached the person so that an over-the-top altercation could be avoided, the children's parents would be "on the radar", and they would be a lot more cautious about 'disciplining' in public-even if they do live in a pro-spanking state.

Homesteading, unschooling mama of three.
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#212 of 216 Old 01-01-2006, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I opened this post up expecting to see two things: support for the poster and suggestions for how one could handle this situation in the future. My main goal in reading this post was to get words to say and actions to use if I ever found myself in a similar situation-I'm not much good at thinking of appropriate things to say in high-pressure situations.
Thank you, Niamh. Your post exactly sums up what I wanted from this thread and what I intended when I started it. Frankly, I am no closer to having any clue what to do in this situation than I was when I started.

Thank you to all who supported me and who gave constructive criticsm! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the kind PMs and nice words you all had to say as well as the helpful advice and commiseration. I'm bowing out now and I hope this thread will die away or get locked because it got so far away from its original intent its hardly worth reading anymore.

Amy: Certified Professional Midwife and mom to Max (11) and Stella (6).
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#213 of 216 Old 01-01-2006, 07:39 PM
 
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"Frankly, I am no closer to having any clue what to do in this situation than I was when I started."

Then you're right, the thread has been a failure and should die. I'm bowing out as well.
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#214 of 216 Old 01-01-2006, 07:43 PM
 
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What a good idea your dh had Niamh! Probably a little bit more appropriate if a confrontation was planned though. In the OP's post, it was the other lady who did the confronting.

mp
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#215 of 216 Old 01-01-2006, 08:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheena
You misinterpret my statement here. I didn't mean that I don't care that spanking is illegal; I meant I don't let what is legal or illegal decide morality for me.

I don't care for the slightly disguised insult in your post. I'm not 100% sure what you're implying but I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you have no idea what my activism WRT to parenting or anything else has been.

We do have very different views... but not in the way you have assumed.
I meant no insult, and I meant no offense. Also, I recognize that you meant that you don't let legality decide morality...I don't either (i.e., I think gambling is wrong), but I tend to think that in a democracy such as ours, that our laws are pretty fair recognizing the complexity of 30 million people with diverse views all trying to cohabitate. Hard to to put in words exactly what I meant, but I get the feeling that you see things more as black/white right/wrong, whereas I see things more as shades of grey. I suspect that you feel more confident in defending what you see as 'right', whereas I would see it more as me trying to impose my opinion on someone. Your comments also led me to believe that provided that you are doing what you think/know is right, that the opinions of others means very little to you, after all, your kids come first whereas I am someone who would choose a very isolated place before nursing in public lest I offend someone by an action which I too know is nothing that should need to be hidden.
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#216 of 216 Old 01-01-2006, 09:55 PM
 
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I am closing this thread with permission of the OP.

Please feel free to start a new thread to discuss witnessing public spanking.

PM me if you have any questions or concerns. Thanks!

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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