I miss the good old days of years gone by.
I think that many of us forget that the name of this forum is Gentle Discipline.
Some people will see gentle discipline as positive reinforcement, gentle timeouts when needed and logical consequences. Some people will see gentle discipline as only natural consequences and absolutely no coersion. Frankly, I think we are forgetting the "discipline" part of the title, it's not Gentle Parenting. I don't have a problem at all with a parent coming here and asking for advice on how to make time out work more effectively for them. Here is where I feel the problem lies. It seems like so much of the time we feel the need to "convert" people from their "ignorance," and thus we get in on the thread and start talking about how damaging we feel timeouts are and how if they would try our way life would be peachy.
What we forget is that perhaps the poster has read the non-coersive parenting posts but still feels that timeouts are the way to go. What is wrong with that parent being able to discuss timeout with other parents who want to responsibly practice time out. Some people don't punish, some do, as long as we are all gentle in our discipline we should be able to post. There is a vast plain of what is considered Gentle Discipline on the spectrum. Just because we don't agree with something doesn't necessarily mean that everyone who does it is wrong. Yet that seems to be the sentiment that is so often seen.
Why is it so hard to not post to a timeout thread if you don't practice timeout. Why do we all feel the need to prove how GD we are and convert everyone to our precise way of parenting. Can parents who practice time out, not coexist with those who practice TCS? Can we not understand that what is gentle discipline to one may be coersive to another, yet that doesn't make either of them "right?" The older I (and my children) get, and the more life and parenting experience I have under my belt the more I realize how these petty arguements mean nothing in the long run. The parents who practice time out and set limits are no less loving or AP to their children than the parents who practice non-coersive parenting. On the flip side, those children who had limits and gasp -- punishments on occasion don't love their parents any less than those who never had limits or punishment.
I don't think that we should all have to have read a particular book or author to post on the GD board. How boring would it be if we all had the exact same parenting ideals. Heck, we wouldn't need this board. What we need to remember is that it is okay that we all choose to raise our children a little bit differently. If I choose to set limits, bedtimes, and use timeout, it doesn't make me a lesser parent than you who might choose to parent non-coersively. I also don't feel that anyone should feel I'm doing it "wrong" just because I'm not doing it their way. After all, my parenting has evolved and continues to as I become a more experienced parent.
I guess what I don't understand is why we can't have a more varied set of topics without everyone feeling that they need to make their opinions known on topics they don't agree with. I read many posts that I don't agree with the theory, but you know what, I respect the opinions of the posters, and their right to have those opinions and feel that way. I don't feel they are wrong in their parenting, if it works for them, great. I don't feel the need to try to convince them that their life would be easier if they would set a bedtime for their child, or take away the crayons if the wall has marks on it. We don't feel the same way, and I feel it's disrespectful as well as useless to try to make them feel exactly as I do. My way isn't their way, and that's okay.