I learned the hard way. My first two of four children were out of hand, not responsive, pain in the b. I learned and improved and now, I have four well behaving children. You see, I wanted them to cooperate and they didn't. Then I learned to understand them and things changed dramatically. I listened to Babies and Toddlers, to Tame or to Trust tapes/CDs (amazon has it) and oh my, I completely changed my ways for the better. The author now published a book, which is even better.
Children should not be obedient. They should do the right thing because they want to, not because they are afraid of you, or intimidated. If you want your daughters to want to be cooperative and responsive, learn to understand how the "tick" and you will enjoy great girls.