two year old is soooo whiney - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 06-04-2006, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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so she whines all the time about everything....why is this? AND SHE IS SO LOUD ABOUT IT. wHAT DO I DO
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#2 of 13 Old 06-04-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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I thought it was just my dd that has her whiner stuck open. Glad to know I'm not alone. Recently when dd whines I ask her to use her words or show me what she wants, this seems to work. I beleive it's the age and the ability to test us. The whining can be very frustrating and annoying. Hang in there.

 Yoga loving momma to DD, Eden Raine 8/04 , DS Brett Edwin 2/08, DS Brantley Albert 12/12 and wife for more than a decade to Jason 
~Living to preserve Gods green earth~

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#3 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 02:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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yes...sooo frustrating! I am glad to know that she is normal at least. I was beginning to think that maybe she was hurting or just an UNHAPPY child and that I had failed as a mom!:
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#4 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 02:08 AM
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My 3 year old started whining at about this age. She still does it but not as much. Dh and I have always whined back at her "we can't understand you because you are whining" or "I hear something but it is soooo whiney I cannot understand it" or some such silly statement. Nearly always works to stop the whining completely. Humor also helps snap them out of the whining rut.
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#5 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 02:42 AM
 
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Two things that cured my whiners very quickly:

First, I consistently model the polite, strong way of asking for stuff. If they whine, "I wannaaa go to the paaaaaark", I say " Please say 'Mama, can we go to the park?'" and they repeat it that way and then I respond. It is important to be at least 99% consistent with this---I'd say I do it 100% of the time.
I will also take the time to explain 'whining' so she fully comprehends it and outline clearly what you need her to do instead.

Also, whining usually signals that the child is feeling a lack of power. Give her small jobs to help out with. Reassure her often that she is very helpful and you value her ability to do so many wonderful things etc. etc. She needs to feel part of the team---not a needy little thing but a vital contributer.

I know I feel whiny when I'm feeling less than empowered.
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#6 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 02:47 AM
 
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We'd always say " I can't understand you when you talk like that"....and then DS would have to repeat, sometimes several times, until we could "understand" him.

It's so hard! Good luck.
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#7 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 02:52 AM
 
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Aaah..honey..
I felt your pain whe my dd was two.
It gets better.
She is now almost four.
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#8 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 03:01 AM
 
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you're not alone. my ds has a monotone voice he uses to make this annoying word? with - it's just a long ahhhhhhhhhhh sound. blech. drives me batty. one one hand, I'm glad he's making sounds (he's non verbal) but on the other hand, BLECH!

so my sol'n is similar to another already posted. I have him tell me what he wants (in ASL) and the standing rule is no attention when whining. He eventually gives up and starts signing - although we're trying to encourage verbal words. . . ..

I absolutely REFUSE to hold him in my arms when he whines. That just kills my tinnitis and then I'm grumpy d/t the constant tones in my ears.

If I notice more whining than usual, then I evaluate ME - am I not spending as much time interacting with him? Sometimes my newling is more needy than other times, or I get online to read a few e's - that's a guaranteed way to hear whining, so I just close the computer doors and then check e's later (like at 2am, lol, when everyone's snoozing.)

Just remind yourself, 'this too shall pass'. . . . it's what I remind myself. It's preparing us for those teenage days. . .
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#9 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 11:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks mamas! the "lack of power" thing struck me too. She has a need to be needed....as we all do I guess...I need to watch out that I do like my mom did me, she just did it all herself b/c it was easier and that is why i got married and could not cook, clean or anything!: thanks!!!!!!
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#10 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 12:34 PM
 
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My gd hotspot is whining. I can handle just about anything gently, but whining, omg, I get irritated the second I hear it. ok, maybe not that bad, but if its going on for a couple days or more, I get wa less tolerant and gentle than I'd like. I've been known to say "Just. Stop. The whining!" (which is ridiculous to think that would help the situation at all lol)
I try to just tell ds to TELL me (he doesn't talk yet, but he can comminicate through signs and gestures) what he wants. I tell him I'll understand better what he wants (but I only say that if I'm having a hard time understanding what he wants. If I KNOW what he wants, I won't pretend not to, just to teach a lesson). I WILL tell him that I feel more cooperative if he asks politely. (I don't really know what else to call it. kwim?). Or I'll just tell him that I'd rather he ask politely.
I don't refuse anything. Like I won't withhold nursing until he asks politely. I think that if he hears it enough, that my preference is NO whining, then he won't do it at times that he is capable of controlling it (which hopefully will become more frequent!!!).

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#11 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 12:44 PM
 
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Whining is just another mode of communication isn't it? Why does it push our buttons so? Surely it's not our children's fault that we get upset when they whine. It's our own problem, not theirs. They're only children in the early stages of learning to communicate. They will get through it eventually.

So I agree there is no point punishing them or withholding loving touch just because they don't know how to express themselves to our satisfaction. Imagine your roles reversed and you had to assess your responses from your toddler's point of view. How would you want your mother to respond to you?

I think it's perfectly fine to express our frustration if we can't understand them and to ask for more clarity, "Use your words," "Speak more slowly please," "Say that again?" "Mommy is listening," or even "Show me what you want."
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#12 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 12:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marsupial*mama
Surely it's not our children's fault that we get upset when they whine. It's our own problem, not theirs.
yes, very true.

Quote:
I think it's perfectly fine to express our frustration if we can't understand them and to ask for more clarity, "Use your words," "Speak more slowly please," "Say that again?" "Mommy is listening," or even "Show me what you want."
Good phrases. I do use "show me what you want." I like "I'm listening" I love what that conveys!

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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#13 of 13 Old 06-05-2006, 04:06 PM
 
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Yeah, I'm not comfortable with the "I can't understand you..." stuff, because to me it seems dishonest and a little bit mean. It's also not really addressing the root of the issue which, in my opinion, is a lack of feeling empowered. I have found the straight forward approach to be really effective and free of power-struggles.
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