Do you know anyone who spanks? - Page 6 - Mothering Forums
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Gentle Discipline > Do you know anyone who spanks?
Plummeting's Avatar Plummeting 11:31 AM 06-23-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellona
I find alot of hostility from people who do spank that hear that I don't.
I've noticed this as well, even from family. I honestly believe it's because, deep down, they know it is wrong, even if they won't admit it. Therefore, in order to protect themselve from feeling guilty, they immediately put up a hostile front.

rmzbm's Avatar rmzbm 11:40 AM 06-23-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plummeting
I've noticed this as well, even from family. I honestly believe it's because, deep down, they know it is wrong, even if they won't admit it. Therefore, in order to protect themselve from feeling guilty, they immediately put up a hostile front.

thismama's Avatar thismama 11:41 AM 06-23-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plummeting
I've noticed this as well, even from family. I honestly believe it's because, deep down, they know it is wrong, even if they won't admit it. Therefore, in order to protect themselve from feeling guilty, they immediately put up a hostile front.
ITA.

I don't think anyone thinks assaulting their child is an okay thing to do. I think ppl do it because of desperation, because they don't know a better way, because they haven't dealt with the pain of abuse from their own childhoods, etc. Hence the defensiveness.
pigpokey's Avatar pigpokey 04:36 PM 07-03-2006
API was very nice and chose not to take a more detailed position. (This was simply a discussion about what position persons leading the AP movement should take regarding the label Attachment Parent, and API was just one example of leadership.)

Here is what I wrote (to which they were responding):
Quote:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to request a clarification of API's position on one issue. (Not trying to be too formal; I tend to write this way for clarity. There's a discussion going on between friends and we could benefit from a clarification of API's position.)

Your FAQ says in part:
Do I have to practice all of the attachment parenting ideals to be an attachment parent?

No. We recognize that families have various circumstances in their lives that may preclude them from practicing all the attachment parenting "ideals". We also want parents to know that AP is not a "one size fits all" formula for parenting. What we want parents to understand is the core emotional and psychological needs babies have, even before birth. Parents who recognize these needs will make decisions based on what their child needs, not on what the parenting books or other experts say you must do. Attachment parenting comes from the heart. As a sensitive parent you will be sensitive to what your child needs regardless of your life circumstances.



Please clarify as follows.

True or false: From API's viewpoint, a parent may "be an attachment parent" even if she does not ASPIRE to any one or two of the parenting ideals.

True or false: From API's viewpoint, a parent may "be an attachment parent" if she chooses to use positive discipline, but also chooses to use noncorporeal punishment.

True or false: From API's viewpoint, a parent may "be an attachment parent" if she chooses to use positive discipline sometimes, but also chooses to use punishment sometimes, whether spanking or nonviolent.

The two positions in our discussion can be summarized as follows:

AP community leadership should not promote "deal breakers" (such as spanking) defining an Attachment Parent; such are dogmatic and unhelpful in expanding the various good practices of ideals of the AP movement.
versus
AP community leadership should discourage parents who choose to spank from referring to themselves as Attachment Parents, because for example, these parents set a bad example for others. This is true whether or not such parents co-sleep, nurse, practice many aspects of positive discipline, avoid separations, are in high touch relationships, etc.
I have pointed to your FAQ to show that API would support of the first of the two positions.

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