Process vs. outcome - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 06-20-2006, 10:05 PM - Thread Starter
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Someone posted about that not too long ago here and I have been trying to wrap my head around it.

Well, the other day, my DS1 wouldn't take a nap, even though I could tell he needed one (we've all been there, right?) Anyway, I found myself getting a little angry inside and that's when I understood the process vs. outcome scenario.

The outcome - the nap.
The process - storytelling, singing, talking about what we'll do after nap, cuddling, holding
hands, massage,etc

While it would be really hard for me to completely focus on the process without thinking about the outcome of that situation, the light did come on as far as recognizing that the process is certainly more important to DS and is our time to connect.

Just wondering if anyone else has some clear examples of process vs. outcome so I can really grasp this concept?!
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#2 of 3 Old 06-20-2006, 11:18 PM
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I'll repeat myself again, because for some reason this analogy just does it for me.

"What's the outcome of dancing?" Is it to get from point A to point B? Of course not. There is no "outcome" of dancing, just the joy of the process.
So I compare it with our daily interactions.

Eating dinner together not for the outcome of getting everybody full, but for the process of enjoying food and conversation.

Going to the park not for the outcome of getting x amount of fresh air, but for the process of running around and being silly. And so on and so forth...

If I could only find joy in the process of going to work everyday...
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#3 of 3 Old 06-20-2006, 11:31 PM
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If I could only find joy in the process of going to work everyday...
Well, it doesn't always have to be 'joy' but if you find it 'meditative' or 'calming' or 'stimulating' I guess any of those would be relishing the process as well.

That was my thread which I incongruently titled 'Zen Parenting'. Wish I had titled it as the OP did. Makes much more sense.

Here's a process for you. Have you ever been lost in the moment? Hands in dishwater and mind somewhere else? That's process. Or when you're rocking your baby to sleep or singing a lullaby just for the pleasure of it? That's process. Or when you're sweeping the floor and you 'become' the broom? That's process. The outcome is unimportant. The moment you are in is all that exists. There is no future (therefore, no outcome). There is no past (it is lost to time). There is only NOW so savour it. When the moment is passed, you can never, EVER have it back.
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