It is so hard when you are tired and everyone wants another part of you. What I have found works for me is to try to meet my needs before
ds and dh need me to be their support, which usually happens when they are tired at the end of the day.
Easier said than done, obviously. Watching for opportunities and patterns helps me to find time throughout the day. At age 2, that is hard though. But, I have found that having a mother's helper come for a couple of hours 1-2x per week is worth it for my sanity. Trying to get 'me' time when everyone else is needing me, is a recipe for overwhelmed me!
What helps when we are already at that point is trying not to have an agenda of 'hurry up and go to sleep!'. My unsettled energy just winds our son up, and then dh gets wound up from the noise, and then I feel like I am trying to keep the peace, and I feel the pressure and just want to scream: Everyone CALM DOWN!
But, ummm....me amped up doesn't help anyone. So, I take some Rescue Remedy. I swear, I couldn't parent without it! And give some to ds and/or dh. And then we are all able to recenter because *I* am calmer.
I do know that ds needs some connecting time with dh before he can settle for the night. So, it is hard when dh comes home tired and it's late. They have been able to create a settling routine of watching a familiar video together. That takes less of everyone's energy and still they have a quiet time which is less demanding on dh. And I get some me time then.
We also keep a sippy cup at the bedside for thirst. And sometimes we do another snack and that engagement is the real need that gets met. And brush teeth again.