When they don't get what they want - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-01-2006, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is 22 months. At this age, I know that it is ok if he doesn't get everything that we wants, but how do I handle the meltdowns that ensue?
A specific example: DS wants me to read to him. I read him several books, then explain that I must finish putting dinner in the crockpot before his playdate comes over in 10 minutes. He wants me to read more. I explain that I cannot. he gets upset and cries. I empathize with him, telling him that he must feel very frustrated that I cannot read to him, etc, but he just keeps crying. Then, because he is upset, he wants me to hold him. Which, of course, I do. Then, I do not get the dinner into the crockpot in time. Now, nobody gets their needs met.
What did I do wrong?
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Old 08-01-2006, 03:49 PM
 
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Hmmm. What if you had put the book on the counter where you were working and made up a story (or recited the version of the story you remembered) that way you could do what you wanted and he could have got what he wanted too? Or maybe you could have found a way he could have helped you with the dinner? It sounds to me as though he was still wanting your attention, which is reasonable, and you wanted to get dinner on, which is also quite reasonable. So I guess maybe trying to find a way to get you both what you wanted at that moment may have helped?

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Old 08-01-2006, 03:53 PM
 
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Hmmm...perhaps try giving him a "job" to help you in the kitchen? That helps with my ds.
Sometimes I just say "I'm going to go do x. I will read to you when I get back in a minute." I think it helps for me to say that a opposed to "I have to x" IME "have to" doesn't go over well.
Then try to give him a job or whatever (redirecting to other toys never works). But, in the end I'll just go do it as fast as I can, and get back to ds quickly.

I've also found that if I tell ds "I'm going to go do x." and let him know he needs to get off my lap so I can do it, he'll take a few minutes then be ready to get down on his own. Where if I just drop it on him out of nowhere, he won't be ok with it. Perhaps he just needs to get his head in the right place for it. kwim?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissRubyandKen
What if you had put the book on the counter where you were working and made up a story (or recited the version of the story you remembered) that way you could do what you wanted and he could have got what he wanted too?
great idea!!!

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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Old 08-01-2006, 04:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingPigs
...... Then, I do not get the dinner into the crockpot in time. Now, nobody gets their needs met.
What did I do wrong?
Perhaps you should consider switching to a modern day pressure cooker? LOL! They cook a meal quickly, and they don't blow up like the old ones used to.

Otherwise, as for the root of your issue-- I like the other suggestions. But I don't think you should feel as if you did anything wrong. It's a common occurance in real life that we don't get all our needs met, and we can't win 'em all. Still, I look forward to reading more good suggestions.

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Old 08-01-2006, 04:53 PM
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I offer another activity that they can do without me. So, instead of saying, "I cannot read more books', I say, now it's time for you to play with your 'favorite activity'.
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Old 08-01-2006, 05:45 PM
 
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One thing that really helps my DS is a warning that this is the last book I'm going to read before I go fix dinner. That way he isn't surprised at the end of the story that the fun is done and he's at least a little more prepared and less likely to throw a temper tantrum. The way I think about it is how would you feel if you were having fun doing something when the other person just arbitrarily stopped it?
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