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Neighbor kid....

775 views 6 replies 6 participants last post by  majikfaerie 
#1 ·
I don't deal much with parents who discipline their children roughly, but a few who do not discipline (in the teaching/guiding sense) at all. I have a friend living with me with her 6yo son. Her son is friends with the boy next door (age 7). This kid is VERY disrespectful, but is my friend's son's only friend here, and I want to be okay with him being in my house. I already have a house rule (that my friend and her son are well aware of) that no friends are allowed in the house past nine (because I'm usually in bed by nine, and I don't want kids over when I'm sleeping, because I can be held liable for anything that happens). So last night, it's nine o clock, and I tell her son's friend it's time to go home... problem number one, he does not listen to me. He says only my friend can tell him what to do because it's her house (we have both explained to him multiple times that it is my house, not hers, and that she and her son are staying here temporarily) so he goes upstairs and asks my friend if he has to go home. She says yes. He asks if her son can go over to his house. She says for an hour. So it's nine, and they go over to his friend's house. At eleven (TWO hours later, for those who don't care to count) I hear them come in the door (I'm already in bed, and have been TRYING to sleep) and the neighbor kid is over. I really do not feel comfortable sleeping when someone's child is over doing God knows what that I will be responsible for. The kid FINALLY leaves at about quarter to one. My friend is in her room sleeping! I have several problems here: The child is noisy and disrespectful, the lady he said was his mom turns out to be his 16 year old sister or something like that (I have not met any adults from his household), my friend KNOWS I don't want anyone over past nine, she also should be downstairs keeping an eye on them when they are over instead of upstairs talking on the phone or sleeping....

GRRRRRRRR!!!!

I totally suck at confrontations too. I want to tell her she NEEDS to be downstairs at all times when her son has friends over. I want to tell her it is HER responsibility to make sure her son's friends are out of the house by nine. I don't have a lot of rules. In fact besides the obvious, that's the only one! And I really do not want this kid over anymore if he is going to continue not to listen to me when I tell him it's time to go home.

I need motivation! How do I bring this up???
 
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#2 ·
OK, I have several more issues.
1) A 6 year old and a 7 year old are UP while the adults are sleeping. They are UNSUPERVISED. They are up to unreasonable hours.

2) Her 6 year old is clearly unsupervised A LOT.

3) Why didn't you get out of bed and WAKE HER UP and THROW THE NEIGHBOR KID OUT?! If the 7 year old is unsupervised at 1 AM -- then this is a case for child protective services.

4) LIABILITY.
If they get up to something bad, guess who will be held responsible? YOUR insurance and YOU as an adult in the house.

Repeat after me:

"I am uncomfortalbe when your son has friends over and you are upstairs. Please stay downstairs." (Oh, but I'm just on the phone...) "I am uncomfortable when you are not in the room when your son has friends over." (Oh, well, he can come get me.) "I am uncomfortable when you son has friends over and you are not in the room. Please stay downstairs."

"XXX (Insert name of sassy unparented child here) -- please go home." "XXX it is time for you to go home." "XXX it is time for you to go home." "XXX it is time for you to go home."

"XXX (Insert name of friend here) WAKE UP. I hear your son downstairs. It's 11 PM. I NEED TO SLEEP. Please send the neighbor kid home. I need to sleep. "

When is she moving out?
 
#5 ·
They don't know each other's NAME and they are with each other at 1 AM???? Are you serious? Good grief!

I think you need to go over your expectations with your friend, but you also need to lay ground rules with the children involved. I would talk to friend first, then make it clear that you are going to lay out house rules for playdates to BOTH boys. While I think it is unreasonable for you to require she be in the same room with the kids as they play, its not unreasonable for you to expect her to be awake and aware. And maybe at least on the same floor.

For the boys, I would start by asking the other child his name. Then say that there are rules that both boys need to be aware of. They woud be (at a minimum) that people are respectful of each other in your house, that all playdates end when you say they are ending, which will always be before 9 pm but can be earlier if necessary.

Then, if this happens again, I would wake your friend to take care of her child. I would put on a robe, take neighbor child by the hand and walk him home, ring the bell, and explain to whoever answers that he is not to be in your home after 9 p.m. And while you are at it, ask their name and relationship to the child. Its always good to have this sort of info.

I know this is a pain in the neck, but hopefully you won't have to do it more than once. And if you do, I would consider taking stronger steps like requiring the kids to play outside and not permitting anyone in after dinner -- which is our house rule, by the way. I think 9 pm for children this young is very generous on your part!
 
#6 ·
Good heavens!
I would first off, not let the 7 yr old in the house anymore.

That particular night- I would have waken up your friend, told her it was unacceptable, and seen the 7yr old home and the 6yr old to bed.

The next morning I would let your friend know what was on mind, and what I expect as a guest in my house and child safety.
 
#7 ·
totally Agree with pretty much everything all the PPs said.
LynnS6 gave some good advice.
You said this 7 yo boy lives next door? Just walk on over there and introduce yourself to the parents and explain your situation clearly and firmly.
I'm all for child-led just-about-everything, but for 6 and 7yos to be unsupervised at 1am is going too far even for me.
:

I do understand having problems with confrontations, and all the best resolutions to be up front can be daunting in such situations...
so, my advice,
if you find you *really* cant confront your friend (pls try first tho
) ;
Get her to read this thread and all the replies.
That's what I'd do anyway. (*If* I were in your shoes, which I'm not, so I could be really wrong
)
 
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