Relatives - just a vent! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 32 Old 09-02-2006, 09:11 PM
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Originally Posted by melinak
While I agree that making a big deal out of something that isn't really going to harm her in the long run...which is why I did let it go anyways, I am reminded of the days when I was exclusively nursing her and many people thought that it would be helpful for me to go out and get a drink with my cousins and they would offer to just give dd a bottle while I was gone. I understand that red dye and sugar and processed foods aren't something that once in a blue moon are detrimental to my childs otherwise healthy eating habits, but I wouldn't have bent on the above example then, why is it that I should be doing that now...just a question as to why, other than being rude, pp think that would be okay.
Not trying to create any conflict, just trying to understand the rationale!?
Okay, here's what I think.

They probably thought you wanted a break, and so by offering to give your dd a bottle (which you could have pumped) were trying to do you a favor. I just don't see the malice behind that. I don't see the difficulty in explaining that you'd just rather not do that, either.

As far as my kids seeing relatives, I let them eat what is being eaten in that house. When my children are at my in-laws, they feed their kids special meals of hot dogs and popsicles while the adults eat something else (which isn't usually particularly healthy either, but I digress). I think it's gross, but it's their house, and I certainly don't think it's going to kill them to eat half a hot dog every month. Or even hurt them. If my dd sees hot dogs in the store and asks for them, I tell her that we don't buy those, that I don't think they're good for you. She's never had a problem with that, at all.

I'm not trying to offend you, but it does sound like your aunt is a kind, loving person who is trying to develop a relationship with your daughter, separate from her relationship with you. I think that will do your daughter so much good, far and above any harm that she may incur from eating some processed cheese and white bread.

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#32 of 32 Old 09-02-2006, 10:09 PM - Thread Starter
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I see what you are saying and for the record I now feel pretty ridiculous for bringing this all up. I KNOW that my aunt is trying to foster a relationship with my daughter and being kind and helpful. But I have strong opinions and I am not about to bend on them in the future. I left that visit feeling disrespected, a little angry and quite overstepped as a parent to my daughter. My questions at this point are not about whether I am right or wrong in my opinion in what my dd can or can't have, but rather what to do to avoid feeling this way in the future without creating tension. I do not like conflict. (frankly even this thread is more than I normally can handle).

I do appreciate you comments and know that my aunt is a kind loving person. I just need to know how to stand up for my beliefs without a few things happening...
1 - creating tension
2 - making others feel like their practices are any less important than mine.
3 - ending the opportunity for my dd to create valuable relationships with our family.

I know we are all going to differ in what we allow our children to have and not have and I respect that, but it's like a vegetarian eating meat at a relatives house or a bottle given to a babe that is exclusively bfed, how do we say we don't want that respectfully?


earth honouring, tree hugging, yogi mamma to dd - my forest faerie (Feb/04) and ds - our new little bean born peacefully at home (01/02/11)
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