Trying to understand... toys at the playground - Page 7 - Mothering Forums
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#181 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by abac
I think a big difference between some people's POV and my own is that I don't consider it "wrong" for a 2 or 3 year old child to take a toy from another child.
Its not an evil that childs being a bad person crime but its not "right" eaither???

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#182 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:32 PM
 
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I wonder if you take the same "pick your battles" approach for people who might want YOUR things?
I don't normally encounter this unless I'm dealing wiht 2 and 3 year olds, and in that case, yes.
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#183 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by octobermom
Umm I seriously doubt it there are no parents period I'm the only one who thinks its necessary to keep my 3 year old in my view. : but I'm no sure what what has to do with it??

I overall agree but the OP from waht I remember (been so long ) wasn't refering to a parent reacting fast and taking a moment to gently guide a toy from their childs hands its was what is they WONT give it back. and yes I have seen children including my own who are raised very gently an AP that simpily want to keep the toy. and oce again I simpily fail to see how removing said toy gently and giving it back makes mea horrible parent and is detrmental to both my child and the others. :
The OP was asking people who would use a cooperative/consensual approach about toy snatching at the park and how they would handle it. And several of us did. Then it turned into "what if it took 15 minutes?" and "what if the child NEVER wanted to give it back?"

And honestly, I think people are being extremely patient trying to walk people through what the process would like w/out prying the toy out of the kid's hand.

BUT, NONE OF US SEEM TO HAVE BEEN IN A SITUATION WHERE OUR KID HAS TAKEN MORE THAN A FEW MOMENTS OR HAS NEVER WANTED TO GIVE THE TOY BACK.

So, the scary slippery-slope of "Well, if you just let them give it back when they're ready, they'd never give it back" scenario does not seem to exist for us.

Talking about kids who are left to fend for themselves who don't want to give a toy back or who are not able to be reasoned with is NOT talking about kids whose parents are actively involved and providing the kid with information and helping them make appropriate decisions and actions WITHOUT prying a toy out of their hand.
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#184 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lilyka
I think an argument can be made either way. if you don't act friendly you don't have friends. sounds natrual to me.
Well - not really? If there is any action on the parents part (even negative action - such as refraining from doing something you otherwise would have done - like invite them over to play) - that's an imposed consequence - not a natural consequence. Hopefully the imposed consequences are "logical" - but that is a whole other topic . . . .

The examples given in the parenting books that discuss this - are usually more things like . . . .You ask DC to put on rain jacket because it is raining. DC refuses. DC goes out in rain and gets wet. The "getting wet" is the natural consequence. If you would have said, "DC - you may not go outside unless you wear your coat" - that's an imposed consequence, that is also logical as it is related to the action, etc etc ya da ya da

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#185 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:38 PM
 
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It's interesting how differently we all see this, because I think it (never giving in and refusing to back down until a toy is returned,) models materialism, among other things, and that is not what I want to model.
How does standing up for yourself or your child in anyway model materialism? Is it because the object is a toy?

Another poster mentioned buying a toy that the child wouldnt let go of, either in the store or on the playground, what are we teaching our kids there? If i bought my kids every toy he wouldnt let go of I'd be on the bread line. Kids have to understand that they dont always get what they want, that they cant take something thats not theirs. It seems to me that this is all about the snatcher and his feelings. God forbid his feelings should get hurt all the while another child is crying waiting for a toy thats his and was taken! Why arent we more concerned about the child whose toy was taken? This isnt a gray area people, taking something that isnt yours is wrong. Not just in my opinion, but most people.
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#186 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sweetbaby3
OK. Pat, I understand you not judging.

But according to your own moral compass, and not societies or anyone elses, is taking something thats not yours right or wrong?
You probably don't want this answer, but I don't believe in any absolute right and wrong. I can only judge what is *right* for me. And I believe others have the same ability to judge "right" for themself, including children. I *choose* to honor other's judgement of what is "right" for them based upon their consent when my actions would/could impact them. So, this is what I model. Ds similarly seems to have developed concern for other's opinion about how his actions impact them. I won't say that he always chooses not to impact others. Or that he is always aware of his impact on others, but then nor am I. But I work to increase our awareness and facilitiate him getting his needs met at the same time as others getting their needs met. I don't believe they are mutually exclusive. And I do work to honor other's who are impacted by anyone's actions by intervening to find a solution which feels "right" to each individual, that is why I am a child advocate. I believe their consent/dissent is as important as my own when I don't want something done to me. I certainly don't want anyone *making* me do anything I don't want to do. I am not saying it is right or wrong. I trust the child's opinion for himself. Just as I trust my opinion for what is right for me.

So, I wouldn't take something that wasn't mine if I believed that the other person didn't consent. I don't believe that our son has established a "philosophy" about this yet, but he pretty much does what he sees modelled. And he has seen some people taking things from children, but not often. And I don't believe that we have ever taken anything from him. A few friends and children at the park have, but we worked it out "using our words".

Oh, and property rights and economic inequality are ambiguous areas that I haven't quite figured out. I don't believe that there is an absolute right and wrong to the concepts of property. Property is a construct based upon a arbitrary value of exchange of services in our country. I believe a "gold standard" is a more absolute determination of value, but that is for another forum.



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#187 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:42 PM
 
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BUT, NONE OF US SEEM TO HAVE BEEN IN A SITUATION WHERE OUR KID HAS TAKEN MORE THAN A FEW MOMENTS OR HAS NEVER WANTED TO GIVE THE TOY BACK.
Well honestly I haven't with my own because I've intervined and getten it back but I've seen it quuite often, again the lack of parents around I'm sure plays a huge roll but I see lots of snatching and refusal to give things back. I had a neighborhood kid take a doll from me when I was 7 and refuse to return it. And had parents who didn't insist she did.. So yes it happens and I still miss that doll

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#188 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sweetbaby3
Another poster mentioned buying a toy that the child wouldnt let go of, either in the store or on the playground, what are we teaching our kids there? If i bought my kids every toy he wouldnt let go of I'd be on the bread line. Kids have to understand that they dont always get what they want, that they cant take something thats not theirs. It seems to me that this is all about the snatcher and his feelings. God forbid his feelings should get hurt all the while another child is crying waiting for a toy thats his and was taken! Why arent we more concerned about the child whose toy was taken? This isnt a gray area people, taking something that isnt yours is wrong. Not just in my opinion, but most people.
I think people are saying that not using force to remove something from their own child's hand is more important than doing whatever you have to do to make the other child feel better.

While I have helped children (mine and others--depending on which side of this my kid has been on) in these situations, I have *heavily* focused on the child who has had the toy taken away--pointing out how s/he must be feeling, how can we help her/him feel better, how would you feel if someone took your toy, etc.
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#189 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 06:56 PM
 
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That would make me so crazy!! If your daughter were on a swing at a playground, and my daughter was standing there waiting to go on it, would you really not at any point intervene? You'd never point out to your daughter that someone else was waiting, and that the swings were for everyone? Wow. Would that still hold true if some other kid let YOUR daughter take over the swing when she had been on it? So, if my child were on a swing, and your child was waiting for it, and I asked mine (or she volunteered) to give yours a turn because she'd been on for awhile, and your child clearly was waiting for the swing....would you let her stay on indefinitely then? Even when my child was waiting for her turn again???

What would you do if all the picnic tables were in use? Ask a family to move because you want a turn? Sometimes in public, all the equipment is in use. Sometimes we can negotiate taking turns or sharing. Sometimes the nature of the situation is that someone doesn't want to take turns or share. I am thinking of people riding the subway stand up while others are sitting the whole way. Or that someone stands up in front of you at a concert, blocking your view. Or that people park taking up two places, cut you off in traffic, take the last carton of eggs at the store, etc. It happens all the time.

I would definitely discuss my observations about the other child wanting a turn, that she is waiting. I'd suggest alternatives for both children, engage and redirect to a mutually agreeable alternative, if possible. I carry bubbles for emergencies in my trunk for just this purpose. Our son and most children find bubbles irresistable. I have considered carrying one of those little wedding sized bubbles in my purse, even. But, seriously, the limited time that a child has available at the park isn't another child's problem to solve. Certainly, I would encourage him to consider your child's needs, but not at the expense of his own. I trust that we could find a solution that meets everyone's needs without forcing anyone to get off the swing. But one solution is to come to the park with more time, more often, or when fewer people are there if this happens repeatedly. I, nor our son, can make that happen for someone else's child though. I do want that for them and might even mention that we come frequently and would our son be willing to come back to the swings, yada, yada.




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#190 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 07:25 PM
 
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Oh, and property rights and economic inequality are ambiguous areas that I haven't quite figured out. I don't believe that there is an absolute right and wrong to the concepts of property. Property is a construct based upon a arbitrary value of exchange of services in our country. I believe a "gold standard" is a more absolute determination of value, but that is for another forum.
I'm sorry - but that's not an idea most three year olds (or two or four) would understand. Quite frankly I agree with sweetbaby3; taking something that isn't yours and then not fully expecting the 'taker' to return the object in very timely manner is not a very realistic concept. For adults either...

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#191 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 07:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zoesmummy
I'm sorry - but that's not an idea most three year olds (or two or four) would understand. Quite frankly I agree with sweetbaby3; taking something that isn't yours and then not fully expecting the 'taker' to return the object in very timely manner is not a very realistic concept. For adults either...
And those of us who don't take things from our children's hands have experienced these issues and haven't had anyone waiting long periods of time while a child cries, nor leaving without their belongings. The use of coercion isn't necessary, imo. (And please don't tell me ds is easy or that I only have one.) We have practiced the same non-coercive interactions with other children and they respond similarly to being treated with respect. But ds is used to being treated respectfully and understands when others expect to be treated similarly. It is not like he doesn't see or care that the other child is upset. He is always concerned when he sees a child crying, since forever. And as soon as he was able, said 'she needs her mama' whenever a child was crying. I would imagine that a child who is disregarded when they cry, learns to disregard the crying of others. And ds trusts that what I am telling him is accurate that 'we need to give the toy back' and he does/did, even at 3. I just waited patiently while empathizing with the other child and ds *choose* to return the toy. We haven't bought anybody's toys following this principle.

What more can we keep repeating? Children do what they see modelled, eventually. And eventually, a child is tired of holding a toy that no one is trying to take and they move on to something more interesting. And "eventually" has never taken more than a few minutes for us.

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#192 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 07:52 PM
 
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What more can we keep repeating? Children do what they see modelled, eventually. And eventually, a child is tired of holding a toy that no one is trying to take and they move on to something more interesting. And "eventually" has never taken more than a few minutes for us.
I can appreciate that as your personal experience.

I suppose I'll only be so lucky if it is mine - but, I have seen it take more than a few minutes. Do I need to keep repeating that? Not to be snarky, but your tone was coming across as condescending.

We have all come from different aspects of parenting, and while I fully believe in gentle discipline, natural consequences, and so far have not even had to use any form of discipline with my three year old - I just have not ever seen (again, in my personal realm) the scenario you're describing.

This is beginning to look like a case of agree to disagree. :

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I would imagine that a child who is disregarded when they cry, learns to disregard the crying of others.
That may or may not necessarily be true. My child has never, never, ever been disregarded when she was crying. We are completely empathetic to her needs... Having said that, as a two year old, even within the last six to eight months - if she was the 'snatcher', she was more interested in the toy she had acquired than the shrieking child from whom it came.

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#193 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 08:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zoesmummy
I can appreciate that as your personal experience.

I suppose I'll only be so lucky if it is mine - but, I have seen it take more than a few minutes. Do I need to keep repeating that? Not to be snarky, but your tone was coming across as condescending.
Thanks for the feedback. I don't honestly know what else to say, not intending to be condescending. I posted a link on page 1 of this thread that says the same thing everyone keeps responding. We need a "beating the dead horse" icon.

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We have all come from different aspects of parenting, and while I fully believe in gentle discipline, natural consequences, and so far have not even had to use any form of discipline with my three year old - I just have not ever seen (again, in my personal realm) the scenario you're describing.

This is beginning to look like a case of agree to disagree. :
We also have never used any form of "discipline" with our 5.3 year old. Our son is an autonomous being. Perhaps it is the community that is the difference? We have a huge AP/unschooling community and no one makes the children do things they don't want to do and the children are all quite compassionate and considerate at a very young age.

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ETA -

That may or may not necessarily be true. My child has never, never, ever been disregarded when she was crying. We are completely empathetic to her needs... Having said that, as a two year old, even within the last six to eight months - if she was the 'snatcher', she was more interested in the toy she had acquired than the shrieking child from whom it came.
I found that this was usually associated with an unmet HALT need, in our experience. We would move *towards* that :food, space, cuddle/attention, napping. I found this is a cue of unmet underlying needs when ds was less able to hear other's needs. So, I would connect with him through empathizing and together we would address those needs. He just is willing to let me help him.

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#194 of 204 Old 08-31-2006, 08:41 PM
 
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PM'd you! That last post really got me thinking...

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Good morning, everyone! I wanted to apologize for leaving this thread closed overnight. There was some work that needed to be done on the thread, and I temporarily closed the thread to new posts. I accidentally fell asleep in the meantime.

Bad news: I had a bunch of upset PMs when I woke up this morning.

Good news: no one complained on the board about me AND I got a great night's sleep

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#197 of 204 Old 09-01-2006, 01:27 PM
 
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Hmm, I have to say that we have experienced some of the "discuss the thing for 10 minutes while my son sits and waits for his toy" scenarios. And honestly, it drives me batty. Half the time the kid who grabbed it is sitting there playing with it while the mom blabs on and on about him giving it back. I am definitely NOT a proponent of grabbing things from kids, and do agree with trying to work it out first. But that other parent should have made sure that my son got his shovel back, and then she can continue to address it with her child.

And yes, I have had to take things from my 2yo to give back to another child. Not often, but it has happened. It turns out he was tired or hungry or had something else going on, because normally he can be distracted or is very reasonable about what I request. But no, I wasn't going to follow him around the playground asking for the toy back while he plays with the toy car he just snatched for 10 minutes while the other little boy just watches and cries.

Of course grabbing from a child is not a good idea. But every once in awhile it becomes necessary. And no, I would never touch another person's child. I would find the caregiver and make sure we got the toy back. If that has to involve wrangling it from their hands, well, then so be it. Real life doesn't always fit nicely into perfect theoretical terms.
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#198 of 204 Old 09-01-2006, 02:24 PM
 
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Well said mama.
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I had forgotten I wanted to interject this from the About MDC link:

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#200 of 204 Old 09-02-2006, 12:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by monkey's mom
The OP was asking people who would use a cooperative/consensual approach about toy snatching at the park and how they would handle it. And several of us did. Then it turned into "what if it took 15 minutes?" and "what if the child NEVER wanted to give it back?" [...]

BUT, NONE OF US SEEM TO HAVE BEEN IN A SITUATION WHERE OUR KID HAS TAKEN MORE THAN A FEW MOMENTS OR HAS NEVER WANTED TO GIVE THE TOY BACK. [...]

Talking about kids who are left to fend for themselves who don't want to give a toy back or who are not able to be reasoned with is NOT talking about kids whose parents are actively involved and providing the kid with information and helping them make appropriate decisions and actions WITHOUT prying a toy out of their hand.
But the 15 minutes example was not a hypothetical - it was a real situation someone on this board had been in. Her daughter waited 15 minutes while the other kid's mom used noncoercive techniques to try to help her son be okay with giving it back. So regardless of whether any of the noncoercive mothers involved in this conversation have ever been in that situation, it seems clear that noncoercive parenting in itself does not *rule out* situations like that.

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#201 of 204 Old 09-02-2006, 01:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Rivka5
But the 15 minutes example was not a hypothetical - it was a real situation someone on this board had been in. Her daughter waited 15 minutes while the other kid's mom used noncoercive techniques to try to help her son be okay with giving it back. So regardless of whether any of the noncoercive mothers involved in this conversation have ever been in that situation, it seems clear that noncoercive parenting in itself does not *rule out* situations like that.
I'm not saying that it rules out situations like that.

I'm saying that asking a bunch of people why they do something and then asking, "Well, what if xyz?" and "What about abc?" and then criticizing those "Well, I guess I'd try this, or this, or this." reponses and holding them up as far-fetched and ridiculous seems a little strange to me.

Do we ask the CLWers what they're going to do when their nurslings are still wanting to nurse well into the teen years? And when they say, "That's outside the scope of my experience with CLWers." do we say, "Well, I know someone whose kid *did* nurse until s/he was 15! What would you do if your kid was 10? or 8?" Would it be OK to then criticize the hypothetical response to the hypothetical queston for not being realistic or practical?
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#202 of 204 Old 09-02-2006, 03:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by monkey's mom
I'm not saying that it rules out situations like that.

I'm saying that asking a bunch of people why they do something and then asking, "Well, what if xyz?" and "What about abc?" and then criticizing those "Well, I guess I'd try this, or this, or this." reponses and holding them up as far-fetched and ridiculous seems a little strange to me.

Do we ask the CLWers what they're going to do when their nurslings are still wanting to nurse well into the teen years? And when they say, "That's outside the scope of my experience with CLWers." do we say, "Well, I know someone whose kid *did* nurse until s/he was 15! What would you do if your kid was 10? or 8?" Would it be OK to then criticize the hypothetical response to the hypothetical queston for not being realistic or practical?
But it's not a hypothetical. The OP was in that situation. I have been in that situation. Have you ever seen a post by someone that said "Help! My 15 year old is still nursing!"?
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#203 of 204 Old 09-02-2006, 05:06 AM
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Reading this thread I started to wonder if I might be the mom that was being bashed. Eventually I read that the 15 minutes of waiting included two songs. Phew! Not me! Not a singer, at least not a singer in public.

Actually, I don't recall Simon ever taking that long to return an item. He isn't much of a snatcher and if he has taken something, getting it back from him -- if I felt that was important -- has not been much of an issue and has not taken long (if I remember correctly). I just thought I might be the mom as who knows, maybe what felt like a few minutes to me was actually 15, or maybe it just felt like 15 to the other mom. I know that 5 minutes of a stressful situation with Simon can feel a lot longer than that.

I'm not sure what to say to this thread. I take the grabbing of toys much more lightly than most of the posters here seem to do. I certainly don't jump into heavy ethical terms when thinking about what I'd do if I were in either of the two main positions being discussed (i.e., the mom of the grabber and the mom of the child whose toy had been grabbed. "Victim" seems a really loaded take on the situation, imo. Doing without one's toy for 15 minutes hardly makes one a victim, at least in my books. I think children are extremely perceptive. If a child senses that mom's blood is boiling and mom thinks a major and very threatening injustice has transpired, her child is apt to pick up on that and respond with like intensity. A study of mom and baby combos listening to music and getting the same pleasure and tense sensations at the same times is coming to mind though I can't remember the details at the moment.

If a child yanked one of Simon's toys and he got really upset about it, I think I'd be focused primarily on comforting him until the biggest emotions were out (which tends to take a maximum of a few minutes, especially if he wants to nurse in some calming hormones). Of course I'd first say that Simon did not want to share the toy and could he please have it back. If this wasn't successful, we might even walk away for a minute as I wouldn't be comfortable saying some of what I'd be likely to say in front of the grabbing child. E.g., I can imagine saying (after the biggest emotions were out), "He took your toy from your hands! You are angry and upset about that. That was a rude thing to do!!! (A judgment there; I'm philosophically thinking I shouldn't judge (har har) but this is what first comes to mind. I imagine I'd also correct myself and say: "I don't think he meant to be rude. He just thought your toy was so cool he couldn't resist it.") We'll get your toy back soon. He won't leave with it. He loves your toy and he's having a hard time giving it back to you. Giving up such a cool toy is hard to do." I think some space would help Simon cope with the upset. I can't at all fathom him being upset for 15 minutes over the toy though. If Simon didn't want to have some space from his toy, I'm sure he'd make that very clear to me and we'd find another way to cope until it was returned.

If Simon were the grabber, I can't imagine it taking that long, but if he were tired or whatnot that is a possibility. I might gauge the situation and how he's feeling. If a very small amount of pressure would help me to get the item from his hand and for us to move on, I may do that. I'm talking really small here... like his grip would be so loose that he wouldn't do anything to protest my taking it. If I were to resort to grabbing it from him, or prying it from his hands, that would feel completely wrong to me. If I did that as a result of pressure from the other mother, I'd feel ashamed of myself for not sticking to my values and finding an agreeable solution.

I'm not seeing why waiting 15 minutes is a huge deal, which is not to say that I feel this type of situation often takes anywhere near that long to be resolved. I feel as though there is a way for the child whose toy was grabbed to be comforted so that the upset doesn't escalate to great heights. The child didn't run off to the hills with the toy afterall. I'm thinking that once his upset passed, Simon might find the exchange interesting. I'll turn the tables a bit. For those who have waited 15 minutes for a child to return a toy (or seen this situation carried out), has the child from whom it was grabbed actually been really upset the entire time this has happened? If so, what was done to help the child to cope with the situation? Might something else have been more effective at calming the child?

You might respond that your life is busy and you just have to leave at that moment. I get that but don't see it as justifying a need to yank the toy away from my son. Simon gets it when someone is leaving. A toy he might otherwise cling to (e.g., if the owner of it weren't around and not showing interest in it) would be swiftly let go of if the parent or child announced that they were about to leave the park, so they need their toy back (I hope they'd announce this politely!). This has happened a handful of times at the beach. So... my experiences don't jive with those of some of the other posters who are saying it's o.k. to grab back the toy in this situation. If you were in a big rush and he still needed a few minutes, I still doubt that I would forcibly take it from him, but I just don't see him not being agreeable about giving it back. With toddlers it's a good idea to budget extra time for contingencies if at all possible.

Might it be excessively permissive or non-involved parents whose children are apt to cling, cling, cling, cling even when all of the cues in the environment are showing that letting go of the toy is pretty important? The cell-phone mom certainly sounds like she might be a candidate for this category. My mom hated to see us upset and we'd go through some outlandish scenes because of this -- and because she did nothing to prepare us for the upsets as she was usually too busy for us. So I can somewhat imagine a dynamic with that type of caregivers leading to such a nonreasonable response from a child. And, as others have mentioned, when children are so young that they aren't apt to get the reasons, they can be easily distracted in other ways or wouldn't have to be distracted as it wouldn't be long before they'd be ready to move onto something else anyway.

I'll agree that in some extremely rare situations prying a toy might be the best of rotten alternatives, but these would be extremely rare (there are better alternatives if we have the time to find them). Perhaps the child is not agreeing to let go of the item despite having the information that its the other child's and that child has to catch a plane that is currently boarding. It seems to me though that a child who is used to finding mutually agreeable solutions and considering others needs would not refuse to give the toy back (unless perhaps under an undue amount of stress or otherwise not having her or his needs met).

I agree with the assessment that it seems a bit materialistic to get so upset over a child grabbing and having fun with an item for 15 minutes or whatever. The item is not being threatened -- no one said that the grabber was bashing a beloved porcelean doll into the ground. I do see the situation as a lot like sharing. The child doesn't want to share her toy. I think that if asked, she should have every right to say so and to prevent a child from taking it. If a chlid takes it anyway, I think the next step is damage control -- to get the toy back to the non-sharer, or perhaps see if she'll change her mind about sharing it -- in a way that is peaceful and respectful to everyone involved. Even if it is thought that the grabber wasn't respectful to the grabbed-from, I don't see grabbing the item back from him/her or physically prying it away as peaceful or respectful solutions.

There is a lot of talk in this thread about learning lessons. What is a child learning from this experience? Well, if I do x, what lesson will that teach!? I find that when I've started to think in this way, I've become more stern and far less effective. I have far more success, and avoid some pretty foul moods, if I focus instead on the here and now. Simon is whining. Ouch that hurts my ears. What unmet need might he be experiencing that is coming off in that way? What is he feeling right now? Thinking along those lines leads to a more productive result than: "OMG! I can't stand this. He needs to learn to ask for things, with words! Simon, please use your words! Please ask to be picked up rather than whine like that. [At which point he gets upset since he was clearly upset and off-kilter to begin with.] Yada yada. That example is a bit dated. It's from when he was maybe 14 months old or something like that (at least old enough to know "up"). It sticks in my mind though as I started to think in terms of teaching him lessons and his whining escalated to new heights. When I got over that issue and just tended to his needs, things calmed quickly and the huge issue of his whining completely faded. He sometimes whines now, and I still don't like it, but it's not a big issue. I feel that if I kept trying to teach him the "right lessons" about whining, it would have become an issue and would have damaged our relationship in the process.
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Originally Posted by oceanbaby
But it's not a hypothetical. The OP was in that situation. I have been in that situation. Have you ever seen a post by someone that said "Help! My 15 year old is still nursing!"?
It's a hypothetical situation to the moms in this thread who are trying to "give the other side" as the OP asked for.

The OP was not in that situation. She asked for understanding about the practice of not forcing a kid to give a snatched toy back.

I have seen lots and lots of "When are they too old?" nursing threads.
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