Really shocking visit with an old friend yesterday... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 09-01-2006, 12:01 AM - Thread Starter
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Yesterday DD and I went over to my oldest friend's home to play with her two boys. She and I have been friends since 1st grade! We were best friends though high school, grew apart a little during college & the early/mid 20's, but still were each others Maid of Honor, gave each other baby showers....You get the idea. She has almost 3 yo & a 5 1/2 yo DS.

So there we are visiting. DD is happily playing in the 3 yo's room with him & we're in the living room talking. Conversation got around to going out to eat with kids. I said something about how DD never wants to sit in a booster or high chair so she usually ends up on the booth or chair next to one of us. No biggie, you know? Well, she goes into this thing about how her boys HAVE to sit in their seats because if they didn't they'd be running all over the place and that if all else fails they "do it under the threat of corporal punishment." :

I seriously had NO idea that they hit their kids. I feel so naive. I mean, I've known this woman for 24 years and I never, ever, ever would have imagined that she would use physical violence as a way of threatening her boys into behaving. I was so shocked I wasn't even able to talk to her about alternatives. Like, for example, if her kids want to run around to look at the fishtank in the Chinese rest (the example she gave me) why can they just take them over to look before they order? Or promise if they behave while they're eating they can check it out after? Or ask to be seated near the tank?

To make it worse later in the day I mentioned that I was a little glad we weren't having a boy becasue it meant I could avoid the whole circumcision discussion with our families. Our families would not have been supportive of us not circing. Mind you, I did know that her boys are circumcised. I wasn't meaning this as a debate or anything. Just making conversation. So she then tells me "well, I *guess* I can support someone not circumcising". Ummm...gee...thanks? Like I'd seriously have given a rat's a** what her opinion was in the first place? Then she goes on to add that she REQUESTED that her boys be circed *WITHOUT* anesthetic. When I asked why she said that she didn't want the "chemicals" put into them and they "weren't going to remember it anyway." Oh, and despite being worried about the "chemicals" in the anesthetic she did the Vit K & eye goo. :

Again, I had no idea about that at all prior to yesterday. Even worse her whole reason for circing is based on the one guy she slept with who was uncircumcised & she felt he wasn't clean enough. Ummm..OK...well I was living with her when she was dating this particular guy and he was - for lack of a better term - a man whore. Seriously, the man had slept with 1000's of women. He used to sleep with his landlady so he didn't have to pay rent. She blames that fact that she got lots of yeast infections from him on the fact that he wasn't circed (ie: not clean). What about because he was just plain old nasty? He also gave her crabs, HPV, and God only knows what else that I don't know about. Were all those because he wasn't circed either? Ironically she also still maintains (and it's been like 10 years since she was with this guy) that he's still the absolute best lover she ever had. Hmmm...probably because he wasn't circed!

Sorry this is so long, but I just had to get it off my chest. The rest of the visit went fine, but I lost a lot of respect for her. I only see her a couple times a year now as it is, and I'd rather not stop those visits as DD really enjoys playing with her 2 boys and she doesn't have a lot of other kids she's comfortable playing with yet.

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#2 of 4 Old 09-01-2006, 01:13 AM
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I feel ya. We went to lunch last weekend with one of my oldest friends. I knew she and I had vastly different parenting philosophies and she was really big on the time outs, but they actually threatened to spank their 2 1/2 year old for getting out of his seat at the restaurant. This bugged me. Our parenting styles are on different planets

Mom to a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and a cuddly little newborn
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#3 of 4 Old 09-01-2006, 11:31 AM
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Yup, been there! Lamenting to a friend who I have admired a long time, I told her about dd's new game-let's bite mommy! She looked at me and said "I would just bite her back, that will teach her" I didn't quite know what to say: I am trying to be less judgmental, but my admiration of her decreased somewhat.

Laura WAHM to Mar 03/01/05 and Evie 05/14/08, partner to Craig
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#4 of 4 Old 09-01-2006, 12:19 PM
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i hear you.

i have not met ONE person that is "gentle disciline" or even close to it.

all my friends are total spankers, screamers, you name it.....

it is awful for me. i try to set good examples. and honstly, my kids are SOOOO much better behaved, that you'd think they'd take notice, but it seems to go right past them.

i try to avoid really voicing any opinionss about it with them...unless asked.

it is hard. i understand how you feel, is what i am saying i guess.

and you are so right.......about the clean circumcision points. EITHER way someone can be dirty! you have to take CARE of yourself either way. :::::Yuck::::
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