Here's a page that I like that talks about it and has some great links.
An extrovert, married to my introverted dh since '01, mothering my girls C (2003) and G (2006).
Love homeschooling, reading, cooking (most of the time grain-free except for when I'm not
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), lactivist, former and wanna-be cloth diaperer and baby-wearer...
For me, personally, it is all about treating my children with the same level of respect I hope they bestow upon the world. It is about teaching rather than controlling or punishing and guiding rather than forcing or inflicting pain (physical or emotional).
I think it's a journey for all of us. Until fairly recently, I used time-outs. Now, I have chosen to stick with time-ins. They do seem more respectful of my 4-year-old (DD hasn't had any yet) and they yield better results.
I firmly belive that children do to society what is done to them. So since peaceful conflict resolution, respect, kindness, non-violence, compassion and forgiveness are values we hope to see more of in this society, we practice and model them at home with our children.
The moderators are working on a new forum guideline for Gentle Discipline. In the meantime the following definition from Peggy O' Mara's book Natural Family Living
will give you an idea of the diversity of choices within GD:
She expands on each idea in her book but these are the toolbox basics:
USE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
CREATE A POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT
SAY YES AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
SAY NO FOR THE IMPORTANT THINGS
USE NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
USE LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
LEAVE IT UP TO YOUR CHILD
STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS AND GET OUT OF THE WAY
GIVE SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS
GIVE A REASON
GIVE A CHOICE
MAKE POSITIVE STATEMENTS
GIVE IN OCCASIONALLY
GIVE YOUR CHILD TIME TO AGREE
IGNORE SOME BEHAVIOR
AVOID NAGGING THREATS
MAKE IT A GAME
BE WILLING TO ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES
STOP AND THINK BEFORE YOU ACT
DON'T MAKE A BIG FUSS OVER LITTLE THINGS
STICK TO ROUTINES
DON'T HURRY YOUR CHILDREN TOO MUCH.
GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.
CORRECT ONE BEHAVIOR AT A TIME.
GIVE YOURSELF TIME
USE THE GOLDEN RULE
MODEL APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR
THINK OF YOUR CHILD AS AN EQUAL
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD IN MIND
|Forgoing punishment does not mean loss of authority. On the contrary, when you rely on your authority as a parent and your relationship with your child as the basis of problem solving, you actually gain power. When you rely on punishment, you lose power, as punishment must be constantly escalated to work. Effective discipline means teaching your child self discipline.
But conflicts are a normal part of life. All children have conflicts. They fight with their siblings. They grab things. They do things you don't like. How can you discipline if you don't have punishments to rely on?
Here's how: You communicate with your child--you examine the problem and work toward a solution together.
You rely on your authority as a parent.
You use positive reinforcement, natural consequences, or any of the other alternatives to punishment described below. (refers to the list in my last post)
Originally Posted by BetsyNY
Originally Posted by BetsyNY
Never saying no?
As others have said, there is a pretty broad spectrum of what GD is here, from living consensually where everyone's needs are equal and a mutual solution is always negotiated, to a more authoritative, but still gentle, relationship where the parent is still the final word, but they do not punish or threaten their children into obeying them. I think a great "bridge" book from punitive parenting into GD is Anthony Wolf's "The Secret of Parenting", which is mentioned in the book sticy thread, and has quite a few of us who happen to like him. There are more "radical" books that require a HUGE change in mind set, but if you're looking for a way to ease into GD, this book is a great start.
Hope this helps.
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