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I lost it today:( (very long vent) *update*

601 views 4 replies 4 participants last post by  Wugmama 
#1 ·
DS went off exploring the new houses that have been built and was "practicing not stepping on the lines" on a porch that had diamonds cut into the cement. He kept doing it over and over and over. I knew he was hungry and tired (3rd day at pre-school) so I told him "ok, last one." Well he stepped on a line but I said "oh, well you can try next time and he started heading home but then wanted to go to the next house to do the same. I told him that Daddy just got home, pizza was coming, I'm hungry also, and picked him up and carried hime home. He freaked out and struggled and struggled but I kept carrying him home, brought him in the house. Set him on the ground but he bumped his foot, so Ipicked him up to console him. He's still mad because I carried him home and he is out of his mind screaming at me and then all of a sudden WHACK!!! Both hands hit me, one whacked me right in the ear and It hurt so bad. I couldn't hear and it was ringing. It's still ringing. So i plopped him on the couch and walked away crying, he follows me. I tell him to give me space, he tells me he is going to follow me, I sit down, he;s right there. I tell im not to touch me and giv me space and to sit away from me. He smiles and touches me, so i get up and try to lock myself uup in a room but he figures out how to open the door. I'm still crying and I'm fuming because I need my space to calm down and he keeps encroaching. I tell him I need my space, I'm angry, I can't hear out of my ear (i tell him that about 4 times and he asks me why I keep saying that), I tell him we don't hit, if you need to hit , hit the floor or scream but don't hit people. Hitting hurts, it hurts my outside and my inside, my heart and my soul. I ask if he is still angry, he says no, i told him I still hurt. I tell him that anger goes away but hurt stays longer. I try to geet m space, he follows me, I walk out into the backyard and close the sliding glass door. He freaks out. I come back into the house and tell him again that I need my space as I'm still crying because my ear still HURTS and I can't hear, and I'm angry because I can't understand why the hell he continues to hit when he is upset. He has options, he used them before, but now he just wants to hit me. I tell him that when I say I nedd my space I need to be left alone so I can calm down and when he follows me it makes me more angry, I'm sorry mama, i didn't know that. I tell him that hitting is not ok, not the way to handle our anger, we don't hit anyone, hitting hurts. It hurts inside and out. II'm sorry mama, I didn't know that. But I tell you that every time, I've told you that even when we just talk about it. Why can't we hit people. Because it hurts and you don't understand because you have never been hit (not even a little friedn has hit him). That's the problem, mama, I've never been hit. I don't want you to be hit. Why? Because it hurts! And I don't want you to hurt. Go get my husband from across the street and don't really deal with the kid for the rest of thenight. He didn't really want to have anything tod o with me either. Later, I thanked him for apologizing and that I didn't acknowledge it earlier becaue I wasn't ready to accept it at that point but that I did appreciate him saying sorry.
Just had to vent, kids went to bed late, hubby went to bed early, so I had nobody to vent to.

Thanks
 
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#2 ·
*hugshugshugs* While mine is younger (my post is a few down about my violent 16mo), I can definitely relate. It's heartbreaking to have your own flesh and blood inflict that kind of pain on you, and more so when the lesson doesn't seem to sink in at all. For some reason her biting was easier for me to accept, it was a phase that has since passed, largely because of her teething, something near-involuntary. But reaching as though to claw my eyes out and tearing up my face just sort of kills me. So I understand, and I wish I had more to offer you than hugs and empathy.
 
#3 ·
Oh. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. I am sooo sorry. We had a day *just* like that when ds was two. I would not go through it again for any amount of money or gain. He ran over and swung a toy at me and it hit me right in the mouth, it hurt terribly and bled profusely. I was crying and yelled and ran to the bathroom, and ds was right behind me screaming and body slamming me and saying "No, no cry!!".

I wanted to feel bad for him~he had no idea he could really hurt me like that~but when you are *really* hurt (not just annoyed), you go into self defense mode, and just want to get away from the source until you know you are physically okay.

The crazy part is that you will remember this and feel bad about it for years (trust me) but they will have no recollection. Ds still cannot believe he EVER hit me!
 
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