aggressive diaper changes - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-07-2003, 02:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My ds who is 22 months does not put up with diaper changes. I have tried everything. I have done the changing table, the bed, the floor, distractions, taking my time (uh...twenty minutes of negotiating and still no agreement from ds). I even bought a loud and obnoxious cell phone thing to be a special diaper time toy and I am a 'no plastic' kind of mama...works only occasionally.

He screams and he fights. I have been on and off with cloth because it takes longer. I really don't want to do disposables...

The only way to get him changed is to lay him on the floor with my leg over him (not too hard, I promise)...just to hold him there. He screams his head off and I go very fast trying not to cry because I hate doing this... This can't be encouraging him to change his POV about diaper changing time!

It feels awful...not gentle at all...but he needs to be changed...any advice?
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Old 04-07-2003, 02:44 AM
 
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I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say, I am right there with you! My daughter acts like I am murdering her every time, and I have tried everything you mentioned also. I don't feel like it is very gentle to hold her down while she screams, but I don't know what else to do, because nothing else works.

We have a similar problem with teeth brushing.

Anyone?
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Old 04-07-2003, 02:49 AM
 
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The only thing i can think of is trying to "talk for him" You know say, "Its time to change your diaper and I know you HATE, Hate, Hate it, huh. But I have to do it to keep you safe so let go" I would keep up saying stuff while you are changing him, like "boy this is bad for you, I'm sorry but I really have to do it." After I would also try to sit with him in your lap and say "I'm sorry that we have to do something that you don't like." I don't know if this will help at all, but I found it helped both DD and me when we were at this stage and age.
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Old 04-07-2003, 02:49 AM
 
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I have resorted to the table strap, or pinning her arms and legs. Neither of us like it.

I've noticed that part of the struggle is me trying to keep everything around us from getting dumpage on it. If it's just urine, dd will hold still if I give her a bottle of water.

For the really messy ones, I think what would be best is if I put her in the tub and undressed her there. If she got poop on her clothes, I could just throw them in the laundry; anywhere else, I can just rinse it off. I can spray off her butt and swab her with a towel and then put on the diaper while she's standing up.

It's a lot less of a struggle if getting dirty is no big deal, and if she can stand.
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Old 04-07-2003, 02:58 AM
 
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i am wondering if your ds would do better if he could remain standing, like maybe while he is already engrossed in playdough or something, you could change his diaper w/o keeping him from his own agenda, which clearly does not include time for being on his back getting a diaper change. i can imagine this would be harder with poop.
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Old 04-07-2003, 10:37 AM
 
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It is possible to change a poopy diaper standing up too, while they play with something else. After they're mostly clean, sort of bend them over forward so you can clean more carefully, then sort of lift each leg in turn to get in the leg area. I know it is a little gross this way, but it has saved many tears in this household
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Old 04-07-2003, 09:21 PM
 
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My DD is only 9 months, but we are already struggling w/ this. I have varied techniques. I really don't want to engage in a power struggle but get really frustrated. She NEEDS her diaper changed! Here's what I generally do: I let her know that I will be changing her diaper soon (we're starting out w/ Baby Sign...so I use the diaper sign). Then, I give her a chance to play a little more. I try to wait for a natural pause in her playing or for her to come to me. Then, I take her into her changing room. I give her a toy and talk her through the change. I let her remain standing as much as possible, and make sure everything is w/in reach beforehand so that I can be ultra quick (I even keep my cloth diapers folded the way that I like ahead of time). Recently, we bought a pinwheel that she fell in love w/ on a shopping trip. It's brightly colored and has butterflies on it. She goes bananas when we blow on it to make it spin. She even blows when she sees it! This definitely helps make diaper changes go more smoothly. I have heard of letting a toddler help as much as s/he can (holding the clean diaper, handing you a wipe, etc), but we haven't tried that on DD yet. Good luck and HTH.
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Old 04-07-2003, 09:58 PM
 
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My suggestion would be to begin potty training if you haven't already. Some kids (mine included) simply won't tolerate being prone except for sleep.
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Old 04-08-2003, 10:19 PM
 
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i'm in the same boat...if dh is home he distracts while i change,if hes not home i struggle untill it is on....
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Old 04-10-2003, 12:49 AM
 
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I usually have to pin one of my 2 1/2 yr old son's legs while I change him. I dare say....don't worry about not being "gentle"...some things HAVE to be forced!

Sharing your frustrations!
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Old 04-14-2003, 12:26 PM
 
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Well Ill go out on a limb here and say this...
Have you considered your child is cueing you that he/she is ready to go diaper free and learn about his/her body and what it does, where to defacate,pee etc?

What if you had no control issues around what you perceived as important (i.e that my child has to wear a diaper...and right now)!
Any form of restraint (this is how I understand it, not making it a global truth, just mine)creates resistance, breaks trust and creates more of the same. It is control, simple.

Anyway, when I think of being 2 and my dependance and need for some autonomy, my need to feel my nakedness and know my bodily functions, hell yes Id fight a diaper!

My perspective only

cheers!
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Old 04-15-2003, 11:06 PM
 
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browneyedgirl:

are you feeling discouraged because you would like to relate to your son in a more gentle and connecting manner? but you also need "to get the job done"?

may i suggest a few things? i am not a big fan of the theory, "some things just have to be forced". my daughter is 20 months and uses the potty to poop every day. we go daiper free most of the time{except at night and naptime} and she occasionally pees on the floor but she is becoming more and more aware of herself, and prefers not to mess on herself. she hasnt pooped on herself or in a daiper in about a month. so if you are willing to consider cleaning up a few messes, this may be a good option for you.

also, if you find restraining him for the messy ones is where you have difficulties, maybe you could try taking a bath to wash it off , before plugging the drain. i dont know about your ds, but my dd loves baths and playing with water.

also with a pee diaper you could just remove it while the child is playing, and then set up a new diaper in your lap and offer to read him a story, setting his bottom in the diaper and snapping it on while turning the pages.

if you have any misgivings i would be happy to disuss further. i hope this helps.
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Old 04-16-2003, 12:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your replies! Things are going a bit better.. I have been giving him advance warning and asking him to respond so that I know he knows what is coming. I have been talking him through it with more matter of fact kind of empathy..."I know, you don't like this...but I have to clean you up."

I think the idea of letting him go naked is great...and a good time of year to start trying it. I don't know why I didn't really think of it...pre-occupied with life I guess. The only problem I really forsee is our busy schedule. I am a single parent and we aren't stay at home folk...I work part time, so little one is in daycare part time. I drive my older boy to and from school and there are many things to fit in. We'll see what happens and I will keep you posted.

Anyone have luck with those books or videos about potty training? Just curious. I did those with my oldest and don't remember it working much. He wasn't ready until he was closer to three. When he was ready he was ready.
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Old 04-17-2003, 01:39 AM
 
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I feel less bad about "pinning" Dd than when she was younger because now she can understand when I say "I know you don't like it when I hold you down, but it's time to cover your bottom sp we can go to the park." Or some such.

When she couldn't understand I really tried to avoid pinning her at all. Especially when it was cold out and we had no where to go. But now she wants to go out to the park and I want to get her there before it's time to come home. And I'm not in the mood to say we just aren't going because I think she doesn't understand that level of reasoning yet...and going to the park is too good an outlet for her to give it up.

I let her play around awhile and often take 20 minutes to cajole her. But sometimes I'm pushier, though I always explain what's going on.
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Old 04-22-2003, 03:07 AM
 
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I took care of my little cousin during the summer after she had just turned two. She had several potty training books, but she became obsessed with one of them -- I must have read it 500 times. It was the only book she wanted to read. It was called Your New Potty and it is available used at Amazon (must be out of print). It follwed two characters, Steffi and Ben, as they learned to use the potty.

It worked wonders -- I only had to remind my cousin of Steffi and Ben, and she would want to show me how she could be just like them by using the potty. For some reason, this book above all others had a big impact on her.

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Old 04-22-2003, 05:02 AM
 
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Seems like a lot of kids go through a phase of resisting diaper changes.
My son is now 3 years and 3 months, and just in the last month or so has been really good about peeing in the toilet...he likes to do it standing up! Poop, OTOH, is just not happening. I get really frustrated because he just plain does not mind sitting in it indefinitely. Oh well, I figure he'll get there eventually. My point here is, I understand how frustrating this whole toilet business can be, and I sympathize with you.

Videos...he really likes the "Bear in the Big Blue House" potty video. Has it made him any more or less interested in the potty? No, I don't think so. But it is entertaining. There's a book that you can get with it, too.

I gave up on cloth diapers from age 18 months till after his second birthday. Disposable pull-up pants were just much quicker at that time, as changing him was a huge screaming match, and while I do care about the environment, it was more
important to me to avoid a situation where I'd lose my temper. I did pin him with my leg, but would try to keep my voice calm and talk to him about what I was doing and why. Same went for brushing his teeth, which he also hated but was not negotiable as far as I was concerned. After his second birthday it got easier, so we went back to cloth diapers and he generally doesn't resist.
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Old 04-26-2003, 10:52 AM
 
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My 15 mo DS has just started really, really HATING getting his diaper changed. He used to let me change him while he was standing up-poop or pee. That worked well b/c there were NO tears and he could just continue to do what he was doing. Now, though when I strip him he starts running away. Then I say, "we can get changed on the floor with you standing or on the table with you laying down". I then give him a few minutes to run around. As soon as I try to slip the new dipe btwn. his legs he SITS DOWN! The boy KNOWS that this thwarts the whole process!! So, this goes on about 2-3 tries. Then, I grab him and put him on his changing table while he screams. I can usually get him to calm down by giving him a toy he hasn't played with for a while. But he HATES it. These are non-negotiable things, too. It's really, really frustrating. I feel your pain. I'll be checking in for me advice.:
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Old 04-28-2003, 06:17 PM
 
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My DD was the same when she turned 20 months or so. She is in day care, and I talked to the princple there who said that at one point kids stop liking being laid down for diaper change and would rather remain standing - it has to do something with them being in control a bit better and also that their little legs are stong enough.

This is what we do - go to the bathroom, and change the diaper while standing up. If the diaper is poopy, we tell her to touch her toes and band over and clean the area like that. It can be messy, but not any worse than doing it laying down... Then we offer her potty. She goes sometimes, and sometimes she doesn't.

There are rare occasional when we have to force her (maybe once every coupe of weeks), and I hate doing that, but that is only if she is in a middle of a tantrum and doesn't want to do anything we need to do. And she still does not like layingn down when that is happening...

Good luck,
Branka
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Old 04-28-2003, 08:53 PM
 
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mamabranka, that's what they do at my son's daycare too...
they call it "wan-wan" (means "doggie" in Japanese) and it makes changing the poops a lot easier. He pees standing up too..for little boys that's easier and they are in control.
Now my question is...how do I get him to take a break to go potty when he's playing or watching a video??
But that's another thread I guess.:
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Old 04-29-2003, 07:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hikaru
how do I get him to take a break to go potty when he's playing or watching a video??
But that's another thread I guess.:
Easy. Put the potty in front of the TV.

a

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