How to get husband to read a parenting book or listen to advice you've read? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 06:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am definitely not an expert on parenting and discipline, but I've been reading up on the subject and am finding gentle ways to instill some discipline and redirect a young toddler.

Some of it is working, but I find it hard to be consistent when my husband doesn't implement these things himself.

He hasn't read any books and he gets irritated with me if I suggest things to him that I've read because he thinks I'm controlling him, being bossy, or showing off to him what I know and he doesn't know.

Right now, he leans more on his parenting instinct, which is words like no, bad, and sometimes some yelling.

What to do?
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#2 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 06:15 PM
 
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I find the best way to get Dh to read something is to put it in front of the toliet and make sure to take all other literature out of the room! It works everytime!!

Good luck!
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#3 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 06:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smlwieber View Post
I find the best way to get Dh to read something is to put it in front of the toliet and make sure to take all other literature out of the room! It works everytime!!

Good luck!
This is my tactic as well. I don't know why it takes men 20 minutes to "drop the kids off at the pool", but it does. If the only reading material he has is about parenting that is open to the pages I want him to read, he's likely to start there and skip around.

Good luck.

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#4 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 06:18 PM
 
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I've always gone for the captive audience approach. Long car trips work well.

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#5 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 06:25 PM
 
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Bite-sized pieces. If you want to emphasize a particular issue, photocopy those pages or print them off the internet and place near toilet or with morning paper. I don't mean to suggest that my DH is simple or averse to reading, but I have always had more luck with excerpts (even highlighting important points) since he is so busy these days.

ETA: I have also cut and pasted portions of materials and e-mailed them to him at work. That way, I'm pretty sure he'll read it and he knows I think it's important since I've taken the time to send it.
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#6 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smlwieber View Post
I find the best way to get Dh to read something is to put it in front of the toliet and make sure to take all other literature out of the room! It works everytime!!

Good luck!
Works well. That's how I'm getting my DH to read "the Birth Partner"

He's on antibiotics now so I have a feeling he's gonna be spending alot of time in the water closet teehee
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#7 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 06:38 PM
 
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I found it VERY helpful to buy the Alfie Kohn DVD and watch it together! We could pause and discuss different things, and I also love how Alfie has soooo much research to back up his ideas .. I find most men really like the "proof" aspect.

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#8 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 07:22 PM
 
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Oops
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#9 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 08:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smlwieber View Post
I find the best way to get Dh to read something is to put it in front of the toliet and make sure to take all other literature out of the room! It works everytime!!

Good luck!
LOL! Such a good idea and so true! Thanks!!
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#10 of 16 Old 09-28-2006, 10:07 PM
 
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I read the title, thought up my clever answer of placing the book next to the toilet, then found out others had already thought of it! I thought that was my little trick!
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#11 of 16 Old 09-29-2006, 01:03 PM
 
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I tried the tiolet thing, but dh would just walk out & find his own readingmaterial. The only thing that has worked so far is for me to follow him into the bathroom, corner him, & read the material to him when he can't go anywhere.
Definitely not the time & place I would have chosen for a lengthy discussion, but the only place I can get him to listen. Oh, the sacrifices I make for my children...

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#12 of 16 Old 09-30-2006, 10:42 PM
 
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#13 of 16 Old 10-04-2006, 11:05 PM
 
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1) I read to dh in small doses.
2) We discuss threads on MDC.
3) I copy quotes that inspire me for both of us.
4) DH has requested the Alfie Kohn dvd.
5) Mothering magazine. Dh will read anything in magazine form.
6) Discussions with other parents IRL who have GD philosophies.
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#14 of 16 Old 10-05-2006, 03:09 PM
 
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I'm hardly an expert on discipline, but your post triggered several thoughts:

My husband doesn't like to read parenting stuff, but he does pay attention to what I do with the kids, so I find it most effective to just model the behavior.

I also occasionally bring things up like this: "I read .... and tried it and it actually worked!" I also often talk about what I've read just as a topic of conversation, not with any ulterior motive. I only bring up what he does if I think it's actually harmful in some way (as opposed to ineffective).

Also, you said your toddler is young. You are just starting on discipline so this is a really good time to have some general discussion and agreement with dh on the subject.

Do you ever disagree with what you've read? It might help to tell him about that so he knows you're being thoughtful about your reading.

Finally, I don't know if this is the case at all, so please take this in the kind way it is intended: If your dh says you're being bossy or controlling, maybe you are? Can you focus more on what he's doing right and on your own feelings/ideas about discipline? And then give him space to do the same?
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#15 of 16 Old 10-05-2006, 05:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by allbrightmama View Post
1) I read to dh in small doses.
2) We discuss threads on MDC.
3) I copy quotes that inspire me for both of us.
4) DH has requested the Alfie Kohn dvd.
5) Mothering magazine. Dh will read anything in magazine form.
6) Discussions with other parents IRL who have GD philosophies.
Oh my goodness! Your DH reads Mothering and requested the Alfie Kohn dvd???? Can he talk to my DH??? I am in awe! I try to discuss the threads on MDC with my DH but he kind of laughs and dismisses them and has even referred to the members on Mothering as goofy/crunchy/alternative/hippie mamas.

Well, yeah, some of us are, but we also happen to know a lot of stuff and have a lot to say! As do moms who don't fall under that description! I really value the advice and expertise handed out in this forum!
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#16 of 16 Old 10-05-2006, 05:55 PM
 
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My dh is a lot like yours in that way. I find that the best thing to do is to become an expert myself, and then wait. When I find an opening in a conversation, I slip a little bit of the info in. I don't usually say i got it out of a book, or he often won't listen.

I like the idea the PP suggested ("I did this...and it worked").
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