Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: in a van down by the river
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This is a tough one-- b/c I agree that no one likes unsolicited advice.
BUT, should you decide to talk to her about it, I would try and pose it as a question and at a time that she's calm.
Soemthing like: "You know, the other day when you daughter was struggling with not hitting, it made me think that at some point I'm going to have to try and tackle that issue with my own daughter. When I thought about how to try and teach Jordan not to hit, it occurred to me that trying to teach her not to hit by spanking her might send really mixed messages to her, you know? I was wondering what you think about it? Is the spanking working? Are there other things you've tried?"
Maybe later in the conversation, throw in that you heard about x,y, and z techniques for teaching kids to be more gentle (like the technique of rubbing their hands gently or using some sort of soft fabric to rub their hands) and ask her what she, as the mom of an older baby, thinks.
If you approach it from more of a "mom-to-mom, how do we solve this problem?" sort of angle she may not get quite as defensive.
It also may be that she spanks because she doesn't know what else to do and, in this case, is just trying to stop it because she doesn't want her daughter hurting your daughter.
You may not get the reaction or answer that you'd like, but perhaps you'll at least plant a seed.