Did I teach my baby to be a 'no' saying toddler - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 04-18-2003, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The first time dd fell and got hurt I scooped her up and comforted her. She wasn't calming down so I chastized the chair she bonked on by shaking my finger at it and telling it, "No, no. Don't you hurt my baby" I've done it a few times because it always makes her laugh and smile and feel better.
Now she will point her finger at a toy and say "Na, na, na, na"

I don't want a toddler who screams "NO!!!" am I doing the wrong thing here?

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#2 of 11 Old 04-18-2003, 04:09 PM
 
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I don't think you can avoid having a toddler who screams the equivalent of "no", to be honest. Contrariness is one of the easiest (and generally most reaction provoking) ways of asserting one's independance. But it doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing, either.

So no, I don't think you taught her to do this...she would have figured it out on her own. You can start giving her other words to express herself, if 'no' in particular really bothers you.
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#3 of 11 Old 04-21-2003, 09:22 PM
 
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I don't really have any advice as I have similar questions of my own. Recently, my DD bumped herself on one of her toys. My MIL grabbed the toy and "spanked" it saying, "Bad toy! Don't you hurt my [Korean word for princess]." I was a little horrifed, but didn't know what to say. I'm worried this might show DD that it's okay to hit. Then again, maybe I'm just being paranoid.
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#4 of 11 Old 04-21-2003, 10:29 PM
 
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I am glad I am not the only one who speaks sternly to objects that hurt my baby

If you are concerned about your MILs action just talk to your dd and be sympathetic and assure her it isn't OK to hit, not even our toys.
As for toddlers saying no. I think it is in them. It is a fine way to confuse and confound people. Do you want sme candy "NO, give it to me please."

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#5 of 11 Old 04-22-2003, 09:51 PM
 
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I don't think you can "teach" your toddler to say "no". It's totally theirs. They love it. My toddler adores his "no's". Sometimes when he's really yelling "no" at everything I pretend to be him and yell "no" at him and he just laughs. Don't worry, unfortunately you don't have that much control over your kids
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#6 of 11 Old 05-02-2003, 10:40 PM
 
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My DD went through a huge No phase. I think it is an easy word to say also. She loved saying it over and over! For awhile everything I ask her she replied No!! (Even when she meant yes sometimes!!) It seems to have passed although she still does use No but not constantly!!
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#7 of 11 Old 05-03-2003, 01:18 AM
 
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It is apparent that my view will be in the minority (again!), but here it is.

1) We managed to not use "no" for a long time, (like 2 1/2 years). Kids learn what is around them. The result for us is a YES baby (2 babies now).‚h‚”e‚“ tricky, but creating an environment where "no" is hardly necessary has profoundly benefitial effects that last long into childhood.

2)
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Originally posted by amarasmom
The first time dd fell and got hurt I scooped her up and comforted her. She wasn't calming down so I chastized the chair she bonked on by shaking my finger at it and telling it, "No, no. Don't you hurt my baby" I've done it a few times because it always makes her laugh and smile and feel better.
Now she will point her finger at a toy and say "Na, na, na, na"

I don't want a toddler who screams "NO!!!" am I doing the wrong thing here?
Most certainly yes. Both DW an I quite independently held the view that by chastizing an object unintentionally teaches children to turn and punish the things that don't behave in the way they want or expect.

When DD1 was very small, she tripped over a chair leg and cried. A good family friend went to her aid, and as a way to console DD, scolded and beat the leg! We quickly put a stop to that, and explained why. She was amaized to see DW "rubbing it better" on the chair leg after DD had recovered, and even more astonished to see DD come over and put a bandage on the chair "to help the poor chair".

When we get hurt, we are usually not the only ones. For children to get a handle on other peoples hurts during accidents from an early age.

If she's unconsolable, stuff her mouth with strawberries, apple slices, rolly polly with her, hang her up-side-down and tickle her tummy, give her a long hug.

Don't punish something else. It might be you one day.

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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#8 of 11 Old 05-03-2003, 11:47 AM
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I totally agree with Alexander on not punishing the inanimate object. I really hate this. I find just empathizing with the child by talking about what happened, "You bonked your head on the chair" and how that must feel, "Ow, that hurts when you bonk your head on the chair" and rubbing and kissing the hurt. Do not get into the reasons she bonked her head on the chair "That's why you shouldn't ride your tricycle in the house". This can be saved for next time she rides her tricycle in the house "Remember when you bonked your head on the chair?"

But not on the no thing. I try to keep the nos to a minimum but I think it is artificial to try to eliminate them altogether. Most toddlers go through a no phase and it's annoying at times but they're learning and experimenting, what's wrong with that?
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#9 of 11 Old 05-05-2003, 12:47 AM
 
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Yeah, it's important to maintain a positive environment for our kids. But really, what's so bad about 'no'? It's a powerful word and concept and assertion. My two year old started with it several months ago and now he says it quite a lot when he feels like it. I'm not saying it's always music to my ears, but I certainly want him to know how to say it if someone is doing something to him that he doesn't like, and I want him to know that he has a right to set boundaries. Okay, this gets kind of blurred when he's saying no to me cleaning his poopie bum or to getting his teeth brushed. But I try to make a point of respecting his no as much as I can.
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#10 of 11 Old 05-05-2003, 10:30 AM
 
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It is something that we should avoid, not the children.

Imagine what it must be like for a 2yo trying to explore his new suroundings, and all he gets is "no". How unbelievably frustrating!

No wonder kids go through the"terrible twos". Incidentally, this is not a phenomenum that our children went through.

The lack of tantrums and frustrations is, I believe, directly proportional to the number of "no"s our children suffered from.

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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#11 of 11 Old 05-05-2003, 12:25 PM
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Two children isn't enough for an accurate poll, Alexander. I'm going to hold stubbornly to my theory here: I think it's more about the personality of your children. I think the "terrible twos" are all about kids learning how to express their emotions and take control of their world. If your kids never struggled with this then good for them. I would give more of the credit to them than to your parenting.
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