Thought of a few more things I wanted to say on this thread.
My parents don't use the expression, "Spare the rod" but on a recent visit Dad said something like.."You have to hit them sometimes to get their attention, sometimes that's all that works"
Like, umm...well, Dad, that is not the kind of attention I want to get from my son if I can help it! His usual reactionwhen I've hit him is to hit me back...a very bad thing, since one day he will be bigger than me.
Anyway, no wonder I struggle with this issue, if that attitude is what I was brought up with!
I don't really remember specific spankings from when I was a kid, but what I do remember is how extremely angry Mom or Dad was when they hit me. The times I have lost it and slapped my son, that's exactly how it was..just blind anger and loss of control.
One last resort strategy I've used when I know I'm going to lose control is to actually go into the bathroom and lock the door.
Usually the kid will be pounding on the door calling me. I don't stay in there too long, just long enough to take a few deep breaths and get a handle on the situation. Then when I come out we can talk about what happened.
Glad to hear you're feeling better!