I just... don't know what to do. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 12-20-2006, 05:34 PM - Thread Starter
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My DS is a beautiful, intelligent, happy little guy but incredibly stubborn. And I swear the child hates me.

My DF and I work opposite schedules so that DS does not need to be put in daycare. I work from 5a to 2p, get home at 2:30 and DF is gone from 3:30 to 1:30a. Because of our weird schedule, DS usually sleeps from 11p-midnight to 11a-noonish. What all this means is I work a 9 hour shift and come home to Declan by myself for the next 9 hours and then 4ish hours of sleep a night. My mother stays with us and will watch Declan from the time he gets up, with DF still sleeping, till the time I get home. She is going through a lot of emotional issues and prefers to answer those issue with alcohol, so after 6pm-ish she kinda hermits away in her room with a beer and is no help to me.

Okay, now that that's explained. *deep breath*

I don't know what to do with this little guy. Nothing makes him happy anymore. He will "play" by himself fairly well, but when he's done, by Jove, I should have there 3 minutes ago. And by play I mean he destroys everything. Last night he was playing quietly in the living room, which is almost completely baby-proof, save for the TV screen that he likes to bang on. I slipped into the office to organize and print out some homework. Not 5 minutes later I got a huge whiff of peppermint and Declan starts screaming. I come out and he has managed to get on the couch (never done that before), climb the back of the couch (ditto), crawl onto a cabinet behind that couch that's armpit level to me, get my reed diffuser, pour it in the fish tanks and rub it in his eyes. So now I've got two soon to be dying fish, one screaming baby with peppermint oil in his eyes and a huge mess. Within seconds of assessing the damage I was ready to explode. I personally have huge huge anger issues, but have never displayed them to Declan outside of the occasional raised voice :

All this was near the end of the night, 11ish. Through the course of the day, he had resisted his nap to the point of puking all over the bed because he was screaming so hard, which caused him to cough till he puked. Everything was fine and he was almost asleep until he heard one of the cats. A 14 month old no longer has spitup, it was flat outright puke everywhere. Then I attempted to wrap some presents with him, but he only wanted to play with the scissors and the ink pen. When he couldn't have them, he melted down and screamed at me for a good 30 minutes. I don't know what else to do but ignore him at this point.

When he does these things talking is useless, he can't hear me over the angry screeching. He resists physical contact and will fight me until I put him down. He only does these things with me and is an angel with DF, my mum, MIL, etc.

On any given day he spends more time screeching at me then not, I spend more time clenching my jaw and counting to 10 with my eyes closed, and nothing gets done or fixed.

I am resentful that I am raising this baby much as a single mother would with no support network. When DF has Declan, they're sleeping or Grandma has the baby. DF gets to come home from work and has as many personal hours to himself as he wants because I have already put Declan to sleep. I don't get a single minute to myself. I'm so tired all the time that we co sleep during his only nap. The stress and lack of sleep has caused me to gain 50 pounds in the last year :Puke . Changing our schedule isn't even an option until sometime in February when we have a shiftbid - our seniority with our company basically dictates that we get what we want but not before then.

I'm so at the end of my rope and the whole situation seems so hopeless to me. I feel like nothing is going to change and AP and GD have made my life a living . We've done everything GD.

I don't even know if there's much advice you guys can give me - I've lurked through the whole board. Maybe I just need someone to commiserate with me. Someone give me a hug.
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#2 of 5 Old 12-20-2006, 06:44 PM
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Oh dear You must be barely keeping together from sleep deprivation. I sincerely suggest that you try and ever-so-slowly start put your DS to bed earlier, so that you can get some more sleep. Because I think that may very well be a root cause to you feeling the way you do. I know that I feel like crap if I go for very long without enough sleep. In fact, my tolerance instantly totally dips if I haven't had at least 6 hours of sleep.
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#3 of 5 Old 12-20-2006, 07:35 PM
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I second that...more sleep!!!! I would definitely try to get him to bed earlier. If he could sleep say 9 til 9, you could go to bed a couple hours earlier. Yes DF might have to get up earlier, but geesh you deserve some sleep too!!

Amy, USCG wife and homeschooling, ebfing, homebirthing Mama to M (8), L (6), L (2.5)
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#4 of 5 Old 12-20-2006, 07:39 PM
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I would put him to bed earlier, he sounds overtired. Yes he will get up earlier, but your DF needs to step up and parent HIS SON more. You shouldn't be helming the entire ship of parenthood yourself. If DF is getting hours to himself then he should be using that time for housework and the like. Also, could you start having times that are just focused at fun for you and your son. Something that will help him see that mom is really cool?

Good Luck

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#5 of 5 Old 12-20-2006, 10:52 PM
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Oh mama..sounds like a rough deal. I know how you're feeling. I too was at the end of my rope today. It may be for different reasons, but we all have hard times w/our little ones.

My first though too was his sleep cycle. I'm not one to say no late schedules, but I would think he needs to be in bed by 10 pm. That's only changing things 1-2 hours. But that could make a huge difference for him and you! It may take a few weeks or maybe just a week, but maybe start adjusting that a bit if you can. My dd used to do 9-9 and then about the age of your son did 10-10 w/me. We later switched her to 8-8. It just depends on your children, how they are acting and what your needsa re. DF would still get enough sleep and you would get a little more as well. It'd be a good compramise and DS would be much happier w/you during the day.
BTW, when is his nap?

You'll get through this.
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