Help! I do NOT know how to be this child's mother!!!!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 05-04-2003, 11:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am the proud mama of a sweet, sweet two year old... who is COMPLETELY different from her older sister. And she's throwing me for a loop!

I've become much more knowledgeable about Gentle Discipline since dd1 was a toddler, so some of the discipline methods I used to use are no longer options for me. For the most part, GD is working well... I feel like we're well-attached, and dd2 is a happy, independent, loving girl.

Except that she's going through a developmental stage that requires her FULL energy, CONSTANT motion, and top volume "NO's". I'm going out of my mind!!!! She's fine at home, where she's sure of her boundaries, but if we're out somewhere... watch out! Her favorite trick is to yell a quick yell, especially at church. Then she waits to see what I'll do... if I take her out, she's ready to play. If I don't, she gives another yell, and keeps doing it until I take her out.

This morning at church, I just gave up and we stayed out in the hall and walked around. It was much easier on her, but I have to leave my other dd with other people, which I don't like to do (just because I feel like I'm deserting her)!

Restaurants are out of the question these days. She just won't sit long enough for anyone else to have a chance to eat... so we're waiting until the phase ends. But church is something that happens every week... so I really need to figure out some effective way of handling it.

I'm starting to obsess about this. I found myself at the library the other day, actually looking for a book called, "How to be Lydia's Mom in Six Easy Lessons" or something like that!! Have any of you written such a book? :LOL

Wife and Mama who homeschools-- mostly in the kitchen!
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#2 of 9 Old 05-04-2003, 11:48 PM
 
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I would look into Jim Fay's Love and Logic Books for little kids. He has some good ideas about how to stage "learning experiences' for your kids. like for older kids that act up in the grocery store, you can ask your friend to wait and then come and get them and put them in time out or whatever consequence you think is appropriate. The idea is to teach them that even in public there are consequences for their actions and you are the parent.

I like their ideas of shared power. Jim Fay talks about giving kids some control of the situation so ultimately there are less fights.

I relate to your dilemna- I am desperately searching for ideas on how to parent my six year old son. ....going to reread Jim Fay's book.....
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#3 of 9 Old 05-05-2003, 12:10 AM
 
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We went through a long phase with ds#1 where we couldn't do resteraunts. That phase did pass eventually!

As far as church -- I kind of think that either church should welcome noisy wiggly little kids, or else kids shouldn't be expected to stay if they don't want to. Of all the things in life, church should not be cause for a power struggle!! Can you take turns with someone else, going out with her out in the annex? Can she bring things to color and snack on? Can she be a little bit noisy and wiggly, if she really needs to be?


What about a bribe? I'm really not big on bribes, but if its only once a week..........
What about "If you don't yell in church, then afterwards we'll run and yell at the park."
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#4 of 9 Old 05-05-2003, 12:18 AM
 
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These developemental stages can be really challenging; I'm going through a really similar sounding one with my three year old right now! Here's your new mantra: This too shall pass.

I agree with mamaduck; if it's not the type of church that a toddler can be a little disruptive in then maybe it's not a situation she should be expected to be in. At two years she's really not physically/emotionally/developementally capable of sitting still and quiet for that long. All the churches I've ever been in had a nursery or similar for the younger children- does yours?
I really like Dr. Sears' (I think that's where I read it) philosophy of setting a child up to succeed. If you know she can't sit still and you know she'll be disruptive and she's getting negative energy every single week for her behavior then maybe changing the situation would be helpful. She'll grow up soon enough.
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#5 of 9 Old 05-05-2003, 12:19 AM
 
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Wow! Lala said what I meant to much better than I did. Thanks!
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#6 of 9 Old 05-05-2003, 12:29 AM
 
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Man, I just LOVE Dr. Sears. Ain't he great????

To get my dh to read Dr. Sears' books, I leave them "strategically" scattered around the house. My favorite thing to say to him is "Set our kids up for success!"
Most churches have wonderful nurseries and/or Sunday Schools for young'uns! Ours rocks!
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#7 of 9 Old 05-05-2003, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone!

I think I just needed to think it out by telling you about it... and your responses made me realize that we're already doing lots of things that ARE working. For example, yesterday we spent a lot of the service walking around in the back, with Lydia touching a banner that's back there... and walking up and down the sides, with her touching the pretty windows.

When that didn't work anymore we went outside and hunted for crosses. (And we practiced yelling outside where it's ok.)

Our church is pretty accepting of young children. But I've heard a comment from one person that has stuck with me... about how distracting and loud the kids are, and she can't even worship. So I feel some pressure because of that -- and I probably need to just let it go.

I feel STRONGLY that children should be welcome in worship. They learn so much from being part of that community, from the sounds and sights that happen around them... and Jesus welcomed little children! And I think adults can learn a lot from the children, too... about how to be carefee, energetic, spontaneous, joyful...

Thanks for helping me think this out! And thanks for the book suggestion; I'll look for that one.

Wife and Mama who homeschools-- mostly in the kitchen!
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#8 of 9 Old 05-05-2003, 11:07 PM
 
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Quote:
But I've heard a comment from one person that has stuck with me... about how distracting and loud the kids are, and she can't even worship.
There is another side to this coin.

Imagine your child's thoughts:

"You know, grown ups can be so stuffy and solemn. Its so overwhelming that sometimes I can't even worship!"


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#9 of 9 Old 05-05-2003, 11:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by His People

Our church is pretty accepting of young children. But I've heard a comment from one person that has stuck with me... about how distracting and loud the kids are, and she can't even worship. So I feel some pressure because of that -- and I probably need to just let it go.

Boy- I would have just torn into that comment like a dog with a bone. <sweetly> "Oh? How do you propose she *learns* to worship if she's not welcome where worship is practiced?" I applaud your restraint in not just belting the individual who came up with that little gem. :LOL

This is what I LOVE about MDC- just thinking out loud about whatever thing you need to process, getting feedback and/or validation and some positive strokes along the way. We moms need more of this!

I'm glad you're finding ways to accomodate both your daughter and your involvement with your spiritual community; ITA that children learn from being immersed in their communities.
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