I think she was a little upset because she was less talkative, but she didn't correct dd again. We'll see if it lasts!
Anyone else been in this situation?
I would have a problem with this too if I had corrected my child and then someone else did it right then. ( I have had that with my mother) I have told her " I am handling mom,it may not be the way you would or want but I have it thanks"
You warned your friend ahead of time that you had to leave the last time you went out so MO for what its worth is she should have expected some loudness/toddler behaviour.
For myself I would have left after the second or third time and told friend give a rain check
But her correcting dd when you did just smacks of undermining your authority and seems to be saying that she doesn't feel you are capable
One of those people who is of the children should be seen and not heard ???
if my child is in danger...running across the street, touching a hot stove, climbing on a chair, then please stop him. all others for the most part is off limits. (and i do avoid situations where my child wont behave, or acts inappropriately with other kids. meaning, i go to my friend julies at the drop of a hat because her kids and mine are great, but i would never go to my friend janes, kwim?).
In general, I don't mind if a friend or relative disciplines DD (gently) if I am not right there to do it myself (of course, this almost never happens). If I'm present, I expect them to defer to me or DH. I treat other parents w/ the same respect. My mom often has a problem w/ wanting to step in and discipline DD in my presence. She'll often take things away from DD, mock her when she's upset, or say "no" harshly. I have to remind her (gently) that we do not treat DD that way. I've also had numerous discussions w/ her (making them seem like casual conversations...never making them about her ) about my parenting philosophy. I'm happy to say that she's getting it (albeit slowly) .
Then there are the childless friends. Or the much older friends whose ideas of "good behavior" are either far afield from mine or who have forgotten the harsh reality of toddlers and children
Those people are welcome to just keep their stupid opinions to themselves.
I have a dear (childless) friend who used to get on my older son's case about acting like a total little hooligan (you know how it is when an adult friend they adore comes over- they just pull out all the stops!) I got a little grouchy with my friend a couple times (Including the "Uh- I'm on it, you don't have to get on his case too" line) which made him realize he was coming down a little hard. Then he took a child developement class as a pre-req for a school program and is totally great and understanding about how kids behave now. It's like he has a completely different understanding of their capabilities and is much more empathic. (sorry- I'm rambling)
Anyways, I can relate to teh whole friend disciplining thing.
My mother does what your friend did all of the time. Even when I'm sitting right there. My mother doesn't think I "discipline" (yell at or spank) her enough and feels she needs to try to fill in the gap.
I try my hardest to just keep my dd closer to me than her when we are out. I am actually planning a little speach to give my mother at the next chance I get. I have had enough of it and she hasn't listened to me yet!
My mom and I talked about this and unless she has dd alone or I don't notice her getting into danger, she tries to be the nice push over grandma. I really appreciate that! My dad and I have had one run in when he raised his voice to dd and when that happened, (at their house) I picked up dd's toys and left without saying a word. He got the picture and we haven't had a problem since.
My childless friend sits for two older boys after school a few days a week and has a degree in psychology. I guess this makes her an expert on other people's children! Especially since her degree has nothing to do with child psychology
I can't even *imagine* someone saying that!!! If the cats are actually mean, IMO, the polite thing to do would have them out of the way before guests arive.
If my kids are with someone else, I expect them to use my forms of discipline if there are problems. If I am there *I* will be the one to discipline. I really try to get this across, because I am pretty laid back and *don't* try to stop my kids from a lot that other people might (if they aren't hurting themselves/others I try to let it go) and don't want people all over them all the time.
Thats basically just butting in (rude) to add your little two cents. Also, with DD, I think it would be hurtful if someone not "in charge" of her said something negative to her (after I already had), thats kind of a lot of negativity for a little kid to deal with.
TiredX2 - the whole negativity thing is why I get soooo frustrated with my mother! I'll have just said something to dd about a certain behavior or something and she feels that she needs to reinforce that! Deep down inside, my dd knows that my mother is so negative towards her all of the time and so she rarely chooses to be with her and if she starts to scold her or tell her to do something she just runs away. Then my mother complains to me how dd is "hurting her feelings"... and talks about her like she's a rebellious teen...
I've tried talking to her, but it hasn't helped yet. I think she has some issues...I believe that she resented my sister and I somewhat, especially when we WERE rebelious teens and those feelings are coming out towards my children! I don't know quite what to do to help her get over it so she can have some genuine quality time with dd. DD LOVES grandpa ...who's a big teddybear and her favorite person (2nd only to me)...but mom is always there too!
Being a parent, I think, would be such an easy job...if it weren't for EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD!!!
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
The only exception to this, I think, is if the misbehavior affects the other person's child. For example, if a child grabs a toy from dd, I will not hesitate to say something to the kid, even if the parent is right there. Of course, these days, dd does a pretty good job of dealing with such incidents herself!
An update on this friend. She talked to the ob-gyn she sits for about how I was feeling stressed due to my daughter's loud behavior in restraunts (which I am, but it's not like it's consuming me!) This doctor says I should be so proud of my dd verbal abilities b/c some kids (like her second child) didn't talk soon and saw a speech pathologist. WHAT?! So now it's turned into me not begin proud and grateful for what I'm blessed with? And it was my friend in the beginning that seemed to be just as uncomfortable with the situation. I told her I think she misrepresented me to this mother and she said "No I didn't." She's just saying your dd is awesome. Whatever! Then she tries to pull some crap that this person is an ob/gyn. Does that mean she's a specialist in child development? Doubtful, but when I mention something about second children sometimes talking late anyway (and I do have child development training) she says, "Thanks for the education since you ARE the Expert!" URGH!!! I said Bye and hung up! And to top this all of she is my dd's godmother.
Sorry for the rant, but this just happend and I'm rather irritated at the moment!!!