Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Here, because I'm not all there.
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OMG believe me you are doing fine. you poor thing, you sound like i did at the same stage and i NEVER thought i'd get through it!!! my son is/was the same way. i wore him constantly, though at 10mo i wore him in a backpack most often so he could see what i was doing and it often shut him right up when nothing else would....."wanna ride the momma? let's ride on the momma"....i STILL say that sometimes and he is 2y3mo and near 30lb!! but in hindsight i do recommend getting a decent pack. i got one for $7 at the thrift store and it was ok for awhile but then it started wreaking havoc with my back, and armpits where the straps rubbed as my son got heavier.
you are not an awful mom. i think it's just that a lot of us have NO IDEA how much commitment (as in 24/7) it takes to have/raise a child, let alone a high need one! i didn't even know there WAS a thing as high need till i had my son. he had intense colic for 3mo, then is high need and very energetic on top of that, then he was not remotely into separation at all. and i've been more or less a single SAHM since the start. believe me, i know what you are going through.
hang in there. it takes INTENSE attitude shifting and patience on your part, and you can do it. i'm in a 12 step program and the lessons i've learned there have been invaluable across the board, even in raising my son. maybe you could "sit in" on some in your area? they are very open to help, even if you don't have the addiction-du-jour.
i've found sometimes that even validating his feelings for a second will help. like in your cooking situation, "you really want mommy to pay some attention to you, don't you? (look her directly in eyes) mommy needs to cook right now, and you can ride on my back while i do. when we are done cooking, i can read you a story (or nurse, or fill in the blank)." don't use the word "BUT". use the word "AND". get in that habit. i've found that it works better than BUT, even with spouses and others!
it's SO HARD to feel sympathetic and not frustrated. some days my mantra is "he is only a baby once, he's only a baby once"....and chill on the couch with a drink and a magazine and to heck with the house. but i KWYM.
you are not alone!!!