8 month old throwing temper tantrums - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 05-07-2003, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd won't even be 8 mo old for a few more days but for the last couple of weeks she has been throwing horrible temper tantrums, especially if I take something inappropriate away from her or take her toy out of her hand to to put her clothes on. Replacing it with something else seldom works. She throws these tantrums to get what she wants. Like when she doesn't want her diaper changed. She cries and kicks her legs and throws her arms. If she is standing up she has even stomped her feet. I don't want to teach her to cry when she doesn't get what she wants but I HATE to hear her cry. My immediate instinct is to do whatever fixes it which is give her the toy back (as long as it is not harmful), change diaper later, ect. Advice would be appreciated. I am going to the library today to check out "The Dicipline Book" by Sears but I have never thought that you had to dicipline a baby.
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#2 of 12 Old 05-07-2003, 12:05 PM
 
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- Don't take something away unless you are sure it is worth a fight.

- when you can, teach her to handle something gently instead of not handling it all.

- Try offering an alternate toy, but don't grab the first object from her. Give her the opportunity to offer it up herself. If it is a matter of control, she'll appreciate that chance.

You can say, "Honey, I need that. Can you make a trade with mommy? Hold out something interesting to replace it with, and hold your other hand out to her in a "hand it here" kind of gesture.)

It might not work -- but it is worth a try.

- Once you do take something, stick to your guns and don't give it back to stop the crying. This will teach her to tantrum! Ack! And if it was something dangerous, then you really need to protect her anyway.

- Take the opportunity to empathize with her feelings -- out loud. "Oh I hear that you are so angry! I know it must be so frustring when mommy does that. I wish things could be easier for you."

(This will help her because when she is verbal, she will have these phrases at her disposal, and you can direct her to use words to express her feelings in place of tantruming.)




It is fine for you to feel bad when she cries. Its a human response. But you should also trust your judgement about these things. I know it is hard!
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#3 of 12 Old 05-07-2003, 12:22 PM
 
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Thanks for the ips Mamaduck!
Goo gets frustrated when mom takes the cable wire out of her mouth :
Who would have thought THAT was tasty (and I can't move it because, um, it's in the wall?)
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#4 of 12 Old 05-07-2003, 01:13 PM
 
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with our little one, I have noticed if she happens to get something I'd rather she not have (providing it's not something harmful!), I will make myself sit back and wait for her to drop it. this rarely takes long (1 min. max, maybe), because she's on to the next interesting thing.

should she get something that is absolutely off limits, I right then and there move it out/up/out-of-sight, to prevent a repeat occurence.

good luck and enjoy your baby's discoveries!
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#5 of 12 Old 05-07-2003, 01:17 PM
 
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Don't you just have to laugh sometimes, Foobar? In the realm of parenting, we find ourselves saying things out loud we never imagined we'd have say!

"We don't chew on the cable cord, sweety."

For me the other day, it was,

"There is no pushing or shoving in gardening, boys."

Sometimes when I just listen to the words coming out of my mouth, I have to laugh out loud!
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#6 of 12 Old 05-08-2003, 12:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by baileysmommy
She throws these tantrums to get what she wants
Actually, you've stated that she reacts this way when you take something away from her. IMO, there's no "trying to get what she wants". She's just sad/angry/frustrated/upset and she's expressing herself.

Quote:
I don't want to teach her to cry when she doesn't get what she wants...
And what's wrong with that? Seriously, why is it "wrong" to cry when things don't go our way? Aren't you sad when things don't go the way you want them to? Maybe angry? A baby is experiencing these emotions for the very first time, and does not have our years of experience to understand why she feels this way, or how to deal with it. It all just comes out. I don't think you are "teaching" her to cry. She is crying b/c she is upset.

My DD is 9.5 months old and she reacts strongly when something she's interested in is taken out of her hands. I try very hard to prevent having to do that in the first place! She also hates diaper changes, and I try to get them done as quickly as possible, or give her a special toy reserved for just that occaison. I really don't want to restrict her natural curiousity, so I try hard to teach her to touch gently, etc. unless the item is truly a danger to her.

Quote:
My immediate instinct is to do whatever fixes it...
I think your instinct is right on, mama! Do whatever you can to prevent it, or make it better. I don't think an 8 mo old baby is ready for any sort of discipline. (But the Sears book is a great read!)

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#7 of 12 Old 05-08-2003, 06:17 AM
 
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I agree w/ the other ladies. My own DD often has "tantrums" when I have to take something away from her or remove her from a situation.

In general, I try to minimize taking things away or moving her. I'll give an example: I used to always take the tv remote from DD. She was absolutely obsessed w/ it. One day, I asked myself why I was taking it away. DD couldn't really break it and it couldn't hurt her. I really had no reason to forbid her using it. I realized it was purely a control thing on my part. After that, I let her explore it to her heart's content. She lost interest after awhile. Anyway, my point is that you really have to pick your battles and analyze why you're setting a particular rule. KWIM?

When I do have to take something from DD, I try to give her a minute to drop it on her own (if it's not dangerous). If she doesn't, I ask her to give whatever it is to me and hold out my hand w/ a big smile. If she gives it to me, I trade it w/ something else and tell her "thank you!" If she doesn't give it to me, I will sometimes tickle her until she releases it. If nothing else works and I really have to take something away and she cries about it, I hold her and say, "I know you're frustrated b/c Mommy took the toy. I know it's hard when you want something and can't have it. I love you." Sometimes I'll also say, "I'm sorry Mommy had to take that away. I know you wanted to play w/ it. It wasn't safe for DD."

I also try to give an explanation for why I'm taking something away from DD or removing her from a situation. I'll say, "Dirty! Make DD sick!" or "Hot [or sharp, or whatever]! Hurt DD!" "Not for DD. Such and such can break!" If I can't think of a good explanation, that's usually my clue that I'm taking something away or removing her from a situation arbitrarily...not b/c it's really unsafe for her or b/c she can break something. KWIM?

Anyway, sorry for the long-winded post. Good luck and HTH.
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#8 of 12 Old 05-08-2003, 08:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you ladies for your replies. I am not sure my post was exactly clear. I am not taking things from her from fear that they will be broken. She happens to be obsessed with paper and I used to give it to her and she crinkles it up. But, she puts it in her mouth and it disolves and I am scared she will choke. She actually has eaten some before. . But I do everything with her on my lap including pay bills, work at the computer, ect. But I am having trouble doing that because when she takes the paper or my pen and I take them back she is upset. I guess as Piglet said I should just let her cry to express herself for a min and she will be fine I just don't like to make her cry. I give her appropriate things to play with in these situations but she is exploring and adult things are much more interesting to her. I like that I just give her something she can have which works for a min until those little arms (with an amazing reach) grab something else. KWIM? I guess it is really not a problem and I should just let her play near me on the floor but I like to hold her and she is much happier that way. No big deal.. Lately, these things just have to wait.
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#9 of 12 Old 05-09-2003, 09:46 AM
 
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I think that the problem with paying bills and the like might be solved by having a basket of toys with you, so that you can consistantly take your item away (like a pen, which isn't a cool toy for safety reasons, but also cause Mommy needs it) and replace it with something appropriate.
As for the diaper changes, my DS gets upset over having to lay down for a diaper change, but for me that one's not negotiable right now, cause he's got a nasty yeast rash and we've got to really change frequently. I just say, "I'm sorry you're upset, Honey. I'm going as fast as I can" and I usually sing his favorite song or give him a toy that is only used on the changing table (so it seems almost like new and not boring.) We have a rubber ducky squeeky toy and he likes it when I make it blow air on his face. That usually stops the crying, if it doesn't. I just work as fast as I can!

HTH,
Marcy
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#10 of 12 Old 05-09-2003, 11:25 PM
 
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If she's that crazy about the pen, could you baby proof one for her to have? Say a Bic ballpoint, take the cap off, take the little end cap off and remove the ink part and then give her the clear plastic part minus the small end and cap? Just a thought. If she's anything like my dd, she'll STILL want the one you're using!

Maybe she's ready to sit on the floor and play with a special basket of toys when you pay bills instead of being right in your lap and tempted by the paper and pen within grabbing range.

I have baby proofed the living room and set up a card table and that is where I do things like bill paying and scrapbooking and such. My dd is 11 months and into everything and very attached and wants to be right by me all the time. This little work zone for me in the midst of her safe playing area has been a life saver!

"To err is human, to forgive, canine." - Unknown
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#11 of 12 Old 05-10-2003, 02:20 AM
 
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It is a normal developmental milestone at this point to object when something is taken away from them....so think of it more in the line of "my child is developing normally" instead of "my child is throwing a fit/tantrum etc"

As for the paying of the bills and putting stuff in her mouth, this is my advice from a mom who has had to take her dd to the ER and had a balloon catheter stuck down her throat to remove something she swallowed.....*sigh*

Make sure everything that can potentially be harmful is picked up off the floor ahead of time so you don't have to take it away from her later. If she is trying to grab your stuff while you are working on it, I would either put her down with some toys (if she is ok with that) or save it and do it later when she is asleep. Prevention is easier to deal with then the afteraffects! LOL

Jessica-
college student and mama to 7 kiddos!
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#12 of 12 Old 05-17-2003, 02:36 PM
 
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Bailey'smomma, your dd sounds so much like mine. I am trying to limit how much I say "no" to her, but it's hard. We're getting batter at babyproofing, but she too LOVES paper, and all adult things.
I'm trying to find that book I keep hearing about, "How to talk to your kids" but I can't seem to find it.
I'm convinced dd has tantrums, and I want to keep her from crying as much as possible. Now that we've got so much stuff out of her reach, I'm afraid there's not enough to stimualte her. Mostly just baby toys are left. I don't like her playing with the remote, bc I'm afarid the batteries will leak acid. We used to take them out and let her, but she's not as interested in it anyway. She does love to play with the phone though. I wish she wouldn't put everything in her mouth, that would be easier. There are things I don't mind her touching that just aren't safe for her to eat.
So far, I've just been taking things from her, but I want to try some of the suggestions here, bc I'm noticing she's learned a "grabbing" mentality, and I know just where she's got it from. Yesterday, she had found a pen, I grabbed it from her gently and gave her a toy, but she just grabbed the pen back. I was alarmed, but then I realized she's just mimicking what she sees me do when *I* want something.
One thing she really loves is the little toggles on the end of the drwastring on my jacket. When I'm strapping her into her carseat, she plays with them and puts them in her mouth. This seems ok, since I've checked the knots over, but when I go to get in the front seat she freaks out. I try explaining that I can't drive from back there, or that I need to drive, but I know she doesn't quite understand. She's got toys in the car, I guess they're just not as interesting. Soon, at least the coat will go away when it's warmer.
I'm finding myself getting so overwhelmed lately with parenting. It's becoming more of a challenge, and I KNOW it's only beginning.
So, I want to teach her not to grab,
I want her to be able to explore safely, but not be too limited. I don't want her to always hear "no" or negative comments,
I want to talk to her "right"
It's hard to know when something is really dangerous, bc I can always come up with a worst case scenario (like with the remote), what if some buttons came out. I know they're not supposed to, but it's not tested for baby safety, is it?)
I wish I caould help, but so far I just have more of the same questions. I am going to try some of the stuff here, but it's hard to remember it all at the moment.
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