What to do when others discipline my child? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-08-2007, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamamilkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In Seattle, but searching for home
Posts: 3,171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I will try to make this concise, we'll see how I do

So I am curious how other people handle it when other adults discipline your DC when you are right there. It makes me absolutely furious, but I don't know how to handle it either in the moment or after the fact. I'm also a big wussy who needs to learn how to stand up for myself and my children.

Here's one example: my DD (almost 2 at the time) and I were visiting my friend and her DD (almost 2 1/2) and we were sitting outside on the porch. My friend's DD was hungry and so she brought her a huge bowl of something, either mandarin oranges or goldfish or something. My DD didn't have any snacks, and they didn't offer to share, so being almost 2, she just reached over and grabbed a handful and started shoving it in her mouth. Now, I totally get that this wasn't appropriate behavior, but before I could even say a word, the other girl started screaming and her mother just yanked the snack out of my DD's hand and gave it back to her child. Needless to say, my DD was pretty upset about it. I had no idea what to do. I just tried to comfort her and told her we would get our own snack.

It made me really mad, first of all, that she would give one toddler a snack and not the other (I just think this is plain rude and asking for trouble), and that she didn't leave it to me to handle. And just ripping a snack from a toddler's hand to show them, uh, not to rip snacks out of someone's hand? :

That is just one example. My DD has also been disciplined in my own home by this mama, too. I value my friendship with her but I don't know how to talk about this and I just basically avoid making playdates since it makes me so angry.

How would you/do you handle situations like this?
mamamilkers is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-08-2007, 06:29 PM
 
Equuskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Puerto Rico
Posts: 3,173
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Personally, I wouldn't allow this to continue. Kids that age tend to imitate by nature, and if your DD saw someone eating, and she's hungry, the obvious reaction will be to eat whatever they are having. I don't see why the snack couldn't be shared. Either bring them both a snack at once, or have them share. But grabbing the snack from your child's hands to what, teach them not to grab? Definitely not the example you want your child to see, especially in your own home! (You mentioned she disciplined your child in your house) Talk to the mom and see what can be done, but yanking things from my kid's hands, no. She is an adult and should know how to control herself. If her kid had done it fine, they are kids. But adults should be setting the example.

Equuskia in with Nodtveidt DD1 : DD2 :
Equuskia is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 06:41 PM
 
~Lolosoli~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 99
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
IMO, it was rude of your friends daughter to not share...rude of the mother to not offer any to your daughter (what kind of hostess doesn't offer food) and then rude to rip it from her hand!

I would have politely asked her to not dicipline my daughter....that I would handle it. Would she have liked it if you went over to her daughter and said, "<Insert name>...you need to learn to share...give one to <insert your daughter's name>"!

Just talk to your friend about it...if she values your friendship as much as you do then she will undertand..


~Charlene~
~Lolosoli~ is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 06:50 PM
Banned
 
lesley&grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,713
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would have a chat with the other mama, explain to her why you are upset (use "I" messages o'course ) and that while you would love to keep getting together with the children, she needs to let you handle the discipline of your child. If it happens again, then in that situation I would probably not have playdates with this mama and tell her why.
And remember to bring your own snacks when visiting at her house! (I mean honestly! I would not dream of offering my child a snack and not children who are visiting. Before I bring something out I usually make sure with the other mama(s) that the visiting child can have this or that snack. Her behaviour was rude to begin with, IMO).
lesley&grace is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 07:29 PM
 
oliversmum2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Earth - i think!
Posts: 3,717
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i think your friend was in the wrong three times,

1. not offering your daughter a snack
2. not talking to her daughter about sharing
3. snatching from your daughter

personally i wouldnt visit again any time soon. it is hard to stand up for your children, but i have found it came with practice. it is hard to not care about offending other people, i try to explain things from my childs perspective sometimes helps, ie yes snatching is wrong, but my dd was very hungry and assumed that you brought snacks out for the 2 of them to share, as we ARE your guests. :
oliversmum2000 is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 08:34 PM
 
tessie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,011
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree. She behaved inappropriately and if you want the friendship to continue you need to talk to her.
tessie is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 08:45 PM
 
aisraeltax's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: never never land & CPP
Posts: 5,227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
you NEED to have a talk. soon. period.

there is no way anyone should get physical w/ your children.

i have been guilty of telling a friends child something like "can you move from between your mom and me" (b/c i cant talk to someone i cant see) or something like that. BUT, i would NEVER touch another child in that manner.

and offering a snack to a child of any age and excluding other kids is JUST RUDE!
aisraeltax is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 08:54 PM
 
PumpkinSeeds's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Mosquitoville
Posts: 3,750
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Are you telling me that you were at your friends house and she fed her 2yo in front of you guys and didn't offer? : That's the most rude and inhospitable thing I've heard today. I'm completely shocked.

The mind boggles.
PumpkinSeeds is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 09:00 PM
 
PumpkinSeeds's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Mosquitoville
Posts: 3,750
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound like she respects you very much. I would never try to discipline a child in their own home. In my home I have asked other kids not to jump on the furniture or not to run around the house with a glass of milk in their hand. I have also asked the mom if she could ask her child to stop doing this or that or whatever.

When you see the other mom starting towards your child, just look at her and say, "that's not necessary" before she says or does anything to your child.
PumpkinSeeds is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 09:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamamilkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In Seattle, but searching for home
Posts: 3,171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Thanks mamas. It is so hard for me because it is difficult for me to think straight in the situation, I get flustered, especially if the other person has a "stronger" personality.

Any other suggestions on what I could say in the moment or even after the fact?
mamamilkers is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 10:13 PM
 
NiteNicole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 4,580
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Quote:
the other girl started screaming and her mother just yanked the snack out of my DD's hand and gave it back to her child.
What should she have done? She reclaimed the food and gave it back to her daughter. Her child was just as involved in this as yours so she had every right (or responsibility) to get involved. If your child were eating and someone else took her food, you wouldn't get it back for her?

She couldn't exactly take it back and explain it to your child as I'm certain that would be seen as discipline. And everyone here is always saying that you have to stand up for your child, which is what she did.

I think she just did the quickest thing to get her kid's snack back. And while we can argue that she was rude for not offering any, that's not the point. The point is her child was eating, someone took her food away, she got the food back.

This is one of those times that I'm certain if the other mother came and posted the other side of it, we'd all tell her she did the right thing. One toddler takes another's snack, someone has to get it back - as long as no one says anything nasty I don't think it particularly matters which parent does it.

ETA: I think you handled your part just fine.
NiteNicole is online now  
Old 01-08-2007, 10:23 PM
 
Ambrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Brainerd, MN, USA
Posts: 3,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Lolosoli~ View Post
IMO, it was rude of your friends daughter to not share...rude of the mother to not offer any to your daughter (what kind of hostess doesn't offer food) and then rude to rip it from her hand!

I would have politely asked her to not dicipline my daughter....that I would handle it. Would she have liked it if you went over to her daughter and said, "<Insert name>...you need to learn to share...give one to <insert your daughter's name>"!

Just talk to your friend about it...if she values your friendship as much as you do then she will undertand..


~Charlene~


I wouldn't ask. I would TELL that mother that she is not to discipline my child. Asking is allowing them to disregard you and your daughter and do what they want.


I think if she were to do anything disciplinary to my child again I I would immediately say "Do NOT discipline my child again." I would just say it. I wouldn't wait or pause or try to build up my courage.

Spitting it out when something like that happens is a way for you to GET the courage. Because once you say it you are thrust into sticking up for your DD and yourself. It's like that NIKE phrase- "Just Do It."

GREAT MOM to dd (5) and )ds( [sept 26 2006]
Ambrose is offline  
Old 01-08-2007, 11:01 PM
 
Ilovelife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,513
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Going against the tide here.... I believe that when adults and children get together, ALL the adults are responsible for ALL the children. I mean, certainly if your child were in danger, you would want another mama to intervene (assuming she was closer or less occupied than you or whatever). When my children & I get together with other families, we all feel comfortable helping ("disciplining") all of the children, no matter where we are (a public place or someone's home). For example, I gladly "allow"--or even expect--one of my friends to retrieve ds2 if he is crawling into something he shouldn't and I am sitting down nursing ds1 or engrossed in play with dd. That's not to say I am not watching all of my children, but it's just whoever is closer steps in to help out. Isn't that what we want/need? I mean it's HARD to raise children all alone. Yet it seems many of us get so defensive when a friend tries to help.

Having said that, I think your friend could have helped in a gentler way, rather than grabbing snack from your dd. Also, it simply astounds me that she would give snack to only her daughter, and not yours....and you as well. (Or at the very least offer.) But perhaps she was just not thinking? Maybe she always travels with snack for her dd & thought you did the same? Or maybe her dd is very fussy about what she eats, so she thought your dd wouldn't want what she had to offer? Or maybe they don't have a lot of extra money to provide snacks for guests? I don't know the reason, but there could be several reasonable ones. As for the adult snack-grabbing it isn't appropriate, but again, maybe she doesn't know any better? Or maybe she just acted reflexively without thinking. Perhaps she even regrets it?

Personally, if it really bothered me (and I can't tell from your brief description if it would have....kids are pretty resilient and one well-intentioned adult snack-grabbing episode probably won't have long term consequences) I would talk with my friend about the incident. I would say that I think the snack-grabbing could have been dealt with more gently by doing xyz. Please try to think to do this another time. Also, if another issue came up with these friends, I would try to jump in quickly, before she had a chance. That way I could model a more gentle way to deal with the issue (hopefully, if I didn't knee-jerk it myself!). If you really are uncomfortable with how this friend interacts with your children, I guess you could tell her to stop and continue getting together with her. But if I had a friend that I honestly didn't want helping or influencing my kids, I would probably choose to get together with that friend without my children present, like an adults-only dinner or ladies' night out. Hope I haven't offended anyone. Good luck.
Ilovelife is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 12:27 AM
 
SMoody's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 100
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I will intervene and pick up my child and tell her to ask nicely if she can have a snack too. Let the other mom respond then. If she still wants to be mean and say but it is her child, you have your answer. Change pals.

It is actually rude that she didnt ask her child to share as well. Granted your child shouldnt have grabbed it but they are small and it was a nice oppurtunity for them to learn how to ask and how to share.

If the mom was mean I would have brought it up with her afterwards or not gone and seen them again.
SMoody is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 12:40 AM
 
moonfirefaery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Goose Creek, SC
Posts: 2,994
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
What should she have done? She reclaimed the food and gave it back to her daughter. Her child was just as involved in this as yours so she had every right (or responsibility) to get involved. If your child were eating and someone else took her food, you wouldn't get it back for her?
NiteNicole, there was an entire bowl of food, and her DD only took a small amount, I'm sure. It's not like her DD stle an entire candy bar from this little girl. The woman could have just said "Oh, would you like some too?" and let her have the small am ount she'd taken. I don't freak out when people reach into my son's snack bowl.

Quote:
I think she just did the quickest thing to get her kid's snack back
The snack was never taken away. The little girl has goldfish or mandraiun oranges or something, and this woman's DD took one or two out of the bowl. That doesn't exactly qualify as taking someone's food away; I'm sure the girl had plenty left and just didn't want to share.

I wish people would read posts more thoroughly before responding.

I totally agree that the woman was wrong for not having her daughter share, for not offering your daughter anything, and for snatching.

fambedsingle2.gif Heather, 25, single mom to Corbin, 5, and Orin, 3  uc.jpg  delayedvax.gif  nocirc.gif
Oh how I miss the days of femalesling.GIF  nak.gifcd.gif  
moonfirefaery is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 01:39 AM
 
forthebest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,062
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with most of the pp's, that's out of order not offering to share, no way would any person come to ours and not be offered what any of us are having, good grief! And we usually check first before offering anything that might not be suitable( like sweet stuff for instance), imo the mom was very immature to grab out of your childs hand, she has the sharing problem imo perhaps thats why her child didnt think to share, she appears to be overly concerned with providing for her dd to the exclusion of the healthy pastime of sharing with others. Not wanting to seem immature myself by slagging her off for really selfish actions I might attempt instead to instill in her some sharing tactics cos she may have a strained relationship with food or something so you could help make sharing food into a learning and enjoyable experience for her and her dd maybe both prepare a picnic and take your kids to a park or maybe take snacks next time you are round and explore sharing etc as for telling your dd off I would say thats fair enough if its done in a fair way for fair reason, as a single mom I actually like it if one of my mates has the gumption to tell my kids fairly that they are being out of order but an adult grabbing food out of a 2 year olds hand is soo not on, I mean tho not the point or an excuse for such behaviour but wasn't the bowl full anyway? and I'm wondering who requires discipline here. This mom sounds over-protective towards her dd and this may be the cause of her rather odd behaviour.My dc have had stuff, food, whatever grabbed off them by other kids and I have not felt the need to reinstate said object or food back to my child, I've seen the dissapointed faces on my dc but I notice they are all very good at sharing and have learnt that stuff is not that important,and food is to be shared, I mean we are not living in a country where food is scarce. We often have very little food left at the end of the week but will offer what we have left to any guests, if they are not happy with what we have to offer ie not instant readies like crisps or sweets or instant junkfood and get offered an apple or some raw veg and dont like it,tough,Good luck.
forthebest is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 02:47 AM
 
Mizelenius's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: In Lalaland
Posts: 6,938
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilovelife View Post
Going against the tide here.... I believe that when adults and children get together, ALL the adults are responsible for ALL the children.
I agree but that just means having to be VERY careful which adults are around. I have known a few adults to discipline my DD when it simply was not their place (I'm not talking her grandmas here-- it was people DD doesn't even really know) . . .esp. when I was RIGHT THERE. IMO, it is disrespectful to me when they do that and confusing for my child. I would be OK with (a) someone who know DD well and (b) someone who is GD or at least tries to be GD. As for myself, I tend to err on the side of caution . . .if I don't know what to say and/or not sure of my place (other than danger issues) I don't say anything.

 2/02, 4/05, 2/07, 11/09, and EDD 12/25/11 wave.gif

 

 

Mizelenius is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 11:19 AM
 
chaoticzenmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,666
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had friend who constantly tried to discipline my son. Even in my house! We were fairly new friends. She even tried to send him to his room once!!! I told her that I talked with him and that our conversation was private and that I did not like for her to discipline him. Then, she told me that if I wanted to discipline her daughter, she would always stand behind whatever I said. To which I replied "How will your daughter ever come to you if another adult is hurting her if you show her that you will always side with the adult?"

Then, she tried to do is secretly, by showing something that she knew he'd like and then not letting him touch it, which pretty much tortured him. She offered to let him watch a dvd in her van. She told him not to touch it and asked cheerfully "will you touch it?" to which he said "yes" and so she said "Then you can't touch it or watch it" and then she hopped in the car and started driving home. She totally tricked him and she got off on it. She asked in a way that made "yes" seem like the right answer. I told her that I didn't appreciate what she just did to my son and let her have it. That was our last playdate. Since then, I'm a little too proactive with other adults, jumping in when people ask to kiss their cheeks or try to discipline them.

Anyway, you're not the only mother who's had to deal with those issues...it's a right of passage apparently

With your friend I probably would have jumped up and said "well, we forgot snacks, so we're going to cut this playdate short and go home." That would be enough of a clue that you were a little upset. Assertive, not aggressive.

Wow, I wrote a book!
Lisa (mom to 3 wonderful children)

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

chaoticzenmom is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 12:37 PM
 
Mizelenius's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: In Lalaland
Posts: 6,938
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa49 View Post

Then, she tried to do is secretly, by showing something that she knew he'd like and then not letting him touch it, which pretty much tortured him.
That is creepy . . .I can understand why that was your last playdate!

 2/02, 4/05, 2/07, 11/09, and EDD 12/25/11 wave.gif

 

 

Mizelenius is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 02:45 PM
 
Ilovelife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,513
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post
I agree but that just means having to be VERY careful which adults are around. I have known a few adults to discipline my DD when it simply was not their place (I'm not talking her grandmas here-- it was people DD doesn't even really know) . . .
Well, yes, you do need to choose who you want influencing your children. I'm also not talking about random people you see out at the store, park, etc. Those are strangers. I'm talking about friends that you make playdates with or get together with socially. If a stranger approached my child to discipline I would scoop up my child & move on, perhaps saying "I've got it." or "We're all set here." or something like that. And I only get involved with children I don't know (for example at the park) if they are having an issue with one of my children, are in danger or ask for help, or are being blatantly rude/obnoxious & there is no parent in sight (although in the last example I might also choose to simply leave with my children, depending on the situation).

ETA: Lisa, I'm glad you dropped that friend. She sounds like she has serious unmet needs that your children don't need to deal with!
Ilovelife is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 03:18 PM
 
Mizelenius's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: In Lalaland
Posts: 6,938
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilovelife View Post
Well, yes, you do need to choose who you want influencing your children. I'm also not talking about random people you see out at the store, park, etc. Those are strangers. I'm talking about friends that you make playdates with or get together with socially.
I wasn't talking about strangers, either. The times it happened to me were with a good friend of mine who has no children (and DD doesn't know her well). She was on DD's back the whole day. (Other times, when she is with her boyfriend, she has been much more mellow.) The other times were with a parent of one of DD's best friends. DD sees her friend often but not the mom . . .so when we are out with the mom and she disciplines DD when I am right there, it annoys me to no end.

 2/02, 4/05, 2/07, 11/09, and EDD 12/25/11 wave.gif

 

 

Mizelenius is offline  
Old 01-09-2007, 09:13 PM
 
warriorprincess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Peoples Repub. of Treacle Mine Rd
Posts: 1,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it was horribly rude of her not to offer your DD a snack and if that's her way of doing things, I wouldn't stay friends with her.

OTOH when I am choosing to take my children around other adults, yes, it's OK with me if they reprimand my kids ( though not do something like impose a consequence). If other kids are at my house are climbing on the furniture, swearing, or any number of things I will tell them to stop.
warriorprincess is offline  
Old 01-10-2007, 12:43 AM
 
mavery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,633
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My best friends (whose son is my son's best friend) do discipline my son in front of me. But the relationship between our families is such that that's fine - as a pp mentioned, it's a matter of who's closest (or who hasn't had to get up from the dinner table yet to help our squabbling boys )

In your situation, if I actually liked the woman, I would say something along the lines of "We have different approaches to disciplining our kids, and while I respect your choices, I think it's confusing for my dd to have conflicting input, especially in her own home."
mavery is offline  
Old 01-14-2007, 02:52 PM
 
kymholly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: tippin' back a vv cosmo.... yummy!!
Posts: 1,719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Late to the party, but I want to add an experience that I had with a "friend" who began disciplining my dd in front of me. It started out gradually & it really didn't bother me at first. But it escalated into this woman actually yelling at my dd at a mutual friend's house. So by the time she & I actually got around to talking about the situation, it was too late. As it turned out, she felt that my dd was being mean to hers & she was acting out her own childhood issues thru our kids. I never got the full story from her, but from our mutual friend, I learned that there were a few instances where my dd had teased hers. Unfortunately, instead of addressing the specific issues directly with me or my dd, this "friend" said nothing to either of us; she just started being mean to my dd (this from my perspective.)

All this to say, that maybe there is something going on in the dynamics between you & your child and this woman & hers that you aren't aware of. You really owe it to yourself & your child to find out what's going on.

Talk to her.
kymholly is offline  
Old 01-14-2007, 03:06 PM
 
allycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 164
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamilkers View Post
I will try to make this concise, we'll see how I do

So I am curious how other people handle it when other adults discipline your DC when you are right there. It makes me absolutely furious, but I don't know how to handle it either in the moment or after the fact. I'm also a big wussy who needs to learn how to stand up for myself and my children.

Here's one example: my DD (almost 2 at the time) and I were visiting my friend and her DD (almost 2 1/2) and we were sitting outside on the porch. My friend's DD was hungry and so she brought her a huge bowl of something, either mandarin oranges or goldfish or something. My DD didn't have any snacks, and they didn't offer to share, so being almost 2, she just reached over and grabbed a handful and started shoving it in her mouth. Now, I totally get that this wasn't appropriate behavior, but before I could even say a word, the other girl started screaming and her mother just yanked the snack out of my DD's hand and gave it back to her child. Needless to say, my DD was pretty upset about it. I had no idea what to do. I just tried to comfort her and told her we would get our own snack.

It made me really mad, first of all, that she would give one toddler a snack and not the other (I just think this is plain rude and asking for trouble), and that she didn't leave it to me to handle. And just ripping a snack from a toddler's hand to show them, uh, not to rip snacks out of someone's hand? :

That is just one example. My DD has also been disciplined in my own home by this mama, too. I value my friendship with her but I don't know how to talk about this and I just basically avoid making playdates since it makes me so angry.

How would you/do you handle situations like this?
Ask if you can have some goldfish for your child to have. If you are friends it should not be a big deal.

Others disciplining my child...I would say, "I've got it". To let them know that I am on top of the situation and don't need their help without actually telling them I don't need their help.

BTW - I find it very aloof of your friend to not offer to give some to your child as well. Not good 'friendly' relations.

A.
allycat is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off