Have you EVER spanked? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Have you ever spanked?
Yes, once or twice but never again 98 22.58%
Yes, more than once or twice but never again 69 15.90%
Yes, I used to spank but now don't 35 8.06%
No, I've never spanked 202 46.54%
Other 30 6.91%
Voters: 434. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 06:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Making a poll

Just curious...

Renae wife to J :, Mama to 4.5y/o J-bird and 2y/o A : and E coming in late Dec/Early Jan. My husband had a living donor kidney transplant! :
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#2 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 06:32 PM
 
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No, I didn't learn.

I should have but I was at the end of my rope in each case.
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#3 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 06:33 PM
 
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Nope, never. Not even close.
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#4 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 06:35 PM
 
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I have on a few occasions with Kai, and it broke my heart each time. The last time I did, I felt just like my mother. My son was so hurt, so devistated by my actions that I realized I was out of control. I HATE that I have resorted to spanking, and will never do it again. I never wanted to go down that road....ever. I even hate to admit it, it's humiliating.
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#5 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 07:00 PM
 
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No.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

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#6 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 07:32 PM
 
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I doubt this counts but I'll tell it anyhow. One time my little sister (I'm the oldest of four girls; she was the 3rd born) took some money from my room. She was just a little girl, around 5-6 years old. I'm 5 years older than her. Me, being dumb, mentioned it to mom. I didn't want my sister in trouble, all I wanted was my $20, ya know? No harm was done, she was just a little kid, it wasn't like she took the freaking money to the store and bought Barely Legal with it Anyhow, mom went ballastic. She put my terrified little sister over MY knee and said if I didn't spank her then she would use a belt. I didn't know what to think. My sister was so sad and scared she was trembling with her little nose running all down her face and mom looked like a raging hell beast. All this for $20 I know everyone must be wondering, and no, I did not spank my little sister that day. I'm fuzzy on what happened after that, I'm pretty sure raging got her anger out and she just dropped the matter. But still the damage was done. Little sister wasn't hurt physically, but I'm sure it did some major long term emotional and mental damage.

And that's just one of the reasons why I'll never resort to hitting my kids. I'm not going to be the raging hell beast. My son and daughter deserve the best from Dh and me. I never want them to shake with fear in front of me for an honest age-appropriate mistake. :

Fortunately, that was an isolated incident. I don't want anyone to get the impression that my mom flipping out was a daily ordeal. (Just a few times a year )

~Nay,

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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#7 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 07:40 PM
 
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No, I've never spanked and I've never been tempted to. I have yelled; never mean words but a FOR SURE raised voice and probably a scary face and feel VERY guilty about it and try to never do it again.
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#8 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 07:51 PM
 
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NO! I've almost said "...or I'm going to paddle your butt!" But then I realize the aubsurdity of that comment! She wouldn't understand, and I would just be hurt. I just take a deep breath.

ETA: I was not spanked heavily as a child, so I don't really know where I come up with that statement anyway. Which just adds to the uncomfortableness!
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#9 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 07:54 PM
 
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I did, and I knew better. I knew in the moment that it was the stupidest thing I could have done. It was totally out of frustration (ds was harassing a dog we were dog sitting).
I left the room and dp took over (I'm sure he was completely totally appalled, but he never said anything, except that I could go relax however I wanted).
I'm getting soooo much better at handling my frustration in productive ways.
oh yeah, and it will never ever happen again.

Gotta add, that dp has never spanked, and I'd bet money that he never never will.

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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#10 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 07:59 PM
 
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One time and I felt like the biggest POS on the planet. Never in my life have I felt so low.

Never again.
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#11 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 07:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've spanked once and never again.

I was 'spanked' as a child. For most every offence. I can remember being spanked with a thin wooden paddle with holes drilled through it to lessen wind resistance.

I'm working VERY hard to fix my behaviour.

Renae wife to J :, Mama to 4.5y/o J-bird and 2y/o A : and E coming in late Dec/Early Jan. My husband had a living donor kidney transplant! :
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#12 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 08:00 PM
 
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I did a few times with DS.

That time I truly did not know better. Had him when I was 17 and was learning about parenting on the fly, only going by what I've seen done around me (to me).

Then, still not knowing better I went and decided to be a "lazy parent", because it just seemed easier to redirect and then when he was older to talk and reason with him.

I actually kept my "non spanking" a secret because I knew that everybody would be terrified that I am "raising a monster" and tell me how I have to tough it out, "even if it hurt me more than it hurts him"

Did not spank DD, cuz this time I did know better.
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#13 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 08:32 PM
 
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I used to spank my oldest. It was how both dh and I were raised, and was the only way I knew to deal with his increasingly defiant behavior. After a while, I realized that his behavior was getting worse, not better, and started reading discipline books. The first thing all of them said was to stop spanking, and gave other ideas to help recognise underlying problems he may be having, redirecting, and a whole host of other ways to deal with him. We stopped spanking then, have not spanked in over 2 years, and never will again. My youngest doesn't even know what a spanking is, and my oldest, when he sees other kids get spanked (at the park, usually) will confront the offender with a very confident "Spanking is bad- we do not spank!!"
I am so proud of him for that!

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3

 

 

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#14 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 08:41 PM
 
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No, never. But there were times that I felt like doing it.
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#15 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 08:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin View Post
I doubt this counts but I'll tell it anyhow. One time my little sister (I'm the oldest of four girls; she was the 3rd born) took some money from my room. She was just a little girl, around 5-6 years old. I'm 5 years older than her. Me, being dumb, mentioned it to mom. I didn't want my sister in trouble, all I wanted was my $20, ya know? No harm was done, she was just a little kid, it wasn't like she took the freaking money to the store and bought Barely Legal with it Anyhow, mom went ballastic. She put my terrified little sister over MY knee and said if I didn't spank her then she would use a belt. I didn't know what to think. My sister was so sad and scared she was trembling with her little nose running all down her face and mom looked like a raging hell beast. All this for $20 I know everyone must be wondering, and no, I did not spank my little sister that day. I'm fuzzy on what happened after that, I'm pretty sure raging got her anger out and she just dropped the matter. But still the damage was done. Little sister wasn't hurt physically, but I'm sure it did some major long term emotional and mental damage.

And that's just one of the reasons why I'll never resort to hitting my kids. I'm not going to be the raging hell beast. My son and daughter deserve the best from Dh and me. I never want them to shake with fear in front of me for an honest age-appropriate mistake. :

Fortunately, that was an isolated incident. I don't want anyone to get the impression that my mom flipping out was a daily ordeal. (Just a few times a year )

~Nay,
That is one of the saddest things I have ever heard. I'm so sorry that happened to you. :
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#16 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 08:58 PM
 
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I have not, but I have yelled which can be very trauamtic also. I feel so much guilt over that, I couldn't imagine spanking my son.

Christy wash.gif Mom to DS 4/21/04 reading.gif DD 9/20/09  dust.gif DD 7/2/11jog.gif

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#17 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fly-mom View Post
That is one of the saddest things I have ever heard. I'm so sorry that happened to you. :
Aww thanks. That sister is getting married in June. We've already talked about things like not spanking and not circumcising. She's seen how great a kid my son is and is open to these radical new parenting ideas. I think she realizes how little my parents really knew about raising kids, and she understands there's no reason for punitive punishment. I'm going to call her and remind her of this incident and explain that mom was wrong, that 5 year olds do not understand the concept of stealing and that I hope she's okay. She's a sweet kid.

~Nay

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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#18 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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No, but on occasion evil voices/inner rage have urged me to. Well, honestly, they haven't urged me to "spank" (in the mainstream "this is how you're supposed to hit your kid" way) as much as to smack in anger.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#19 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:17 PM
 
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no - never spanked my dd. Thankfully I learned and realized from my own life how harmful it is. Unfort I was raised to think it was the only way to raise a kid and was told i could spank a kid I was babysitting when i was only 14 and so i did and also spanked my niece one time. Makes me feel very sad _ just glad i learned b4 having my own.
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#20 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:22 PM
 
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I answered the poll as "once or twice", but what happened was I smacked dd on the leg one time when I was changing her diaper and she kept kicking me and laughing (she was maybe about 1 yo). It wasn't a "spanking", but close enough for me to realize it wasn't something I was ever going to do again.
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#21 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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I've hit my ds twice.
The first time, he was about 20 mo, I was sewing and he just would not leave my machine alone. I swatted his fingers. He cried. I cried. We hugged and I promised him never again.
Second time, I was 4 days pp with my dd. I had an appointment with my mw. My mom was going to watch my ds, but ds was completely out of control, so I had to take him with me. Ds was totally out of sorts because of the new baby, no one was taking the time for him, then when my mom couldn't keep him, he totally lost it. He was hitting and screaming. I took him in his room to get dressed and he started hitting me. I hit his butt. Which, of course, escalated everything. As soon as I did it, I broke down and told him how sorry I was. We cried and screamed together. Eventually, we calmed down and talked about the situation. I told him I was wrong to hit him. I told him I understood why he hit me. Since then, we have done a lot of talking about appropriate ways for both of us to express our feelings.
Not hitting has taken a lot of restraint and reprogramming for me. It is how I was raised and my first impluse. I've learned to breathe and think before I do anything.

Momma to three fine children, one that lives in my heart and two that live in my arms.
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#22 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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Ex spanker here, and by "ex" I mean VERY RECENTLY an ex. Let's hope I can keep it up.

My Dad used to spank us with a belt--anyone else grow up with that sort of background?

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#23 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:41 PM
 
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No. But once we were on a horribly slippery icey road at 1 am in Vermont, I did reach back and roughly grabbed an arm when an older kid was screaming that his baby sister (who was sound asleep) touched him. It was a wicked life and death night, and after trying to calm him, I reached back, grabbed whatever part of the arm I could, and said in a stage whisper "Do not wake the babies!!!!!!!!!!!" . No steetlights, no moon, I couldbn't see the shoulder, it was so dark and cloudy. But I still felt like a piece of crap.

I think it's damn pretty cool that so many people are saying they have never been rough with their kids. Gives me hope for the future, and I rarely feel hope for the future, given so much of the piss- poor parenting I read about on MDC.
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#24 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 09:48 PM
 
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My Dad used to spank us with a belt--anyone else grow up with that sort of background?
Present.
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#25 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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Nope, and never had the urge to either. I'm not some kind of saint, it's just that I tend to want to cry when I hit the end of my rope, instead of getting angry. I am pretty sure that if I hit my kid when he was doing something wrong (or having a meltdown) it would just make him freak out more, anyway. That's how he reacts if he gets hurt in some way when he's already upset (like if he trips during a tantrum).
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#26 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 11:53 PM
 
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I threatened to spank my dd once and then I felt awful. I went on to say how sorry I was and she looked at me with such confusion on her almost four-year-old face. I finally realized she had no idea what I was talking about and said, "Do you know what spanking is?"
She leaned forward and said, "Noooo. Can you tell me?"
I felt wretched and I couldn't bring myself to say, "Well, Mama is threatening to hit you on the butt several times. In order to cause you physical and emotional pain."
So I said, "I'll tell you later."

:Mama to 2 :
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#27 of 115 Old 01-26-2007, 11:59 PM
 
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I know you mean well, but enough of us have handled these situations without spanking to know it's not necessary.

~Nay, 'ing the 29 m/o

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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#28 of 115 Old 01-27-2007, 12:06 AM
 
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Quote:
I threatened to spank my dd once and then I felt awful. I went on to say how sorry I was and she looked at me with such confusion on her almost four-year-old face. I finally realized she had no idea what I was talking about and said, "Do you know what spanking is?"
She leaned forward and said, "Noooo. Can you tell me?"
I felt wretched and I couldn't bring myself to say, "Well, Mama is threatening to hit you on the butt several times. In order to cause you physical and emotional pain."
So I said, "I'll tell you later."
My mom was talking to dd one day, and they were joking around. Mom told dd "I'll spank your tee-hiney [butt]" (she was totally joking, although she spanked me, she regrets it and would never do that to dd). Anyway dd aked her "What is a spank?". I think my mom was floored. She couldn't comprehend a kid wouldn't know what a spank was. I was happy.
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#29 of 115 Old 01-27-2007, 12:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fly-mom View Post
My mom was talking to dd one day, and they were joking around. Mom told dd "I'll spank your tee-hiney [butt]" (she was totally joking, although she spanked me, she regrets it and would never do that to dd). Anyway dd aked her "What is a spank?". I think my mom was floored. She couldn't comprehend a kid wouldn't know what a spank was. I was happy.
That's awesome! :

~Nay

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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#30 of 115 Old 01-27-2007, 12:12 AM
 
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Nay, that is a really disturbing story. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, and for your sister as well.

Mama to H (6) B (3) : A (1)
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